<Back | Next>

CHAPTER 6

Zelph and Melph meet the Three Nephites, learn of their immortality. Zelph challenges the Three Nephites to a contest between their magic undergarments and his magic loin cloth. [About 380 A.D.]

1. And it came to pass that after me and Melph departed the battlefield, yea, we did travel to the ruins of my old casino, yea, even the remains of our old home which I thought destroyed by Nephites, but it was not, yea, even was it destroyed by Howling Coyote and his band of conspirators.

2. And when we did arrive at the ruins, yea, we beheld three men rummaging through the debris, yea, even three Nephites. And I spake unto them: Behold, who art thee and why doth ye rummage through the debris of my casino?

3. And one of the three Nephites spake back at me: Yea, we came upon this site, and desired to investigate what did happen here. And we are teachers, yea, even missionaries, and we desire exceedingly to share a message with thee, yea, even a message about Jesus Christ.

4. And when they did say these things I did remember who they were, for they sounded exceedingly familiar, even did they look exceedingly familiar, and spake familiar things. Wherefore, I spake back at them: Behold, thou art the Three Nephites who did preach unto the Onandagus tribe many years ago in my youth, yea, even did thou try to sneak within the walls with a wooden tapir.

5. And the three Nephites looked upon one another with much embarrassment, then did one reply: Nay, that be not us, for thou doth confuse us with someone else.

6. And I replied: Behold, Nephites, be not embarrassed by thy actions, for I did burn thy tapir with a torch, and ye did burn exceedingly, yea, even were ye eaten by alligators in the moat. And I think ye to be dead, nevertheless, thou hath survived those trials, which thing I do find exceedingly impressive. And ye doth all look exceedingly healthy, even doth thou look like ye have aged not a day since I did last see thee. And I desire to harm thee not, for I doth save all my energy to kill my enemy, wherefore, fear not, and forgive me for my attempted murder of thee.

7. And one of the three Nephites replied unto me: Verily, verily, thus sayeth us, we do apologize for lying about the wooden tapir, for we did build it in an attempt to gain entry within thy tribal walls. Nevertheless, we desired to hurt no one, yea, we simply wished to teach the gospel unto thy people, for we doth think thy people to teach corrupt principles, and we desired exceedingly to teach thee correct principles. And we did survive thy attacks because we shall die not, yea, even shall we age not, for we are nearly four-hundred years old, and we hath survived many trials and tribulations.

8. And I looked at Melph, and we did laugh, and then did I say: Yea, ye doth look exceedingly good for old men. Is it that I can havest some of the water ye doth drink?

9. And one of the Nephites did say unto me: Behold, only do we thirst after righteousness, and drink from the cup of Christ, yea, even do we swallow his teachings. And we desire to teach his things unto thee.

10. And I replied: Behold, does this Christ teach how to cause exceeding pain unto thine enemies, even does he teach torture techniques? For I desire to kill one of mine enemies, but first I desire to see him in exceeding pain and agony, even shall I bring him to the brink of death, but then not let him die. And I desire him to beg for me to hurry and kill him because the pain shall be too much to bear, but I shall give no mercy unto him, but shall continue the slow torture. Then, I shall look him in the eyes when he finally gives up the ghost so he shall know I did win, and I shall delight in his suffering.

11. And one of the Nephites replied: Nay, Christ teaches not those things, yea, even does he teach the opposite of those things. Behold, Christ teaches all to love thy enemies, and to turn the other cheek, and seek not revenge upon those who do wrong unto thee.

12. And I replied: Behold, if that be his teachings I be not interested. Nevertheless, we desire company while we camp here and formulate our strategy for revenge. Wherefore, shall ye stay and join us around our campfire?

13. And one of the three Nephites replied: Yea, we haveth time to spare.

14. And the other Nephites did laugh at his joke. And I understandeth why they think it a funny joke, for they believe they shall never die, and haveth much time, which thing I thinketh to be peculiar. Nevertheless, I did witness them survive the fire, and the alligators, and they do appear to age not. Wherefore, perhaps they do haveth the gift of no death.

15. And we did gather around the camp fire, and we did cook food, and tell stories, and then did the Nephites desire to teach more things unto us, and one Nephite did say: Behold, doth thou know anything about the Nephites?

16. And I replied: Yea, my father was a Nephite. Nevertheless, he did teach me nothing of the Nephite culture, for he desired to raise me a Lamanite.

17. And one of the Nephites spake: Behold, doth thou desire to know more of the Nephites?

18. And I replied: Nay, for I do know thee to believe peculiar things.

19. And Melph spake, and desired to hear the story of the wooden tapir, and the fire, and alligators. And he desired to know how the Three Nephites did age not. 

20. And the three Nephites replied that they did receive the gift of eternal life from Jesus Christ, yea, even the same guy who doth teach peace, and to love thy neighbors. And they shall die not from old age, and they do even havest garments to protect them from danger.

21. And I spake unto them that I did havest a magic loin cloth that doth protect me from danger too, like unto their magic garments.

22. And the three Nephites replied that they knowest of my magic loin cloth, nevertheless, they say it be not a true magic garment, for only their garments are true. And I spake that I know my magic loin cloth is true, and they spake that their magic garments are true, even art their's the only true magic garments.

23. And because we did convince not the other of our magic clothing, yea, I proposed a test, yea, even a test to prove which magic loin cloth is true. And the three Nephites agreed to the test.

24. And I do now put down these leather plates, and shall write not more until after the magic undercloth test. Wherefore, I bid thee, adieu.

  Home

© 2005 Josh Anderson Enterprises, All rights reserved. 

<Back | Next>