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CHAPTER 3

Zelph and his family move out of the village, build a casino. Lamanites begin losing public support for the war. Strange circles and messages begin appearing in the Lamanite crops. The Lamanites see it as a sign that the Nephites have powers beyond this world, public support for war grows again. War commences. The Lamanites are defeated -- again.  Zelph's casino burned down by Nephite terrorists. Zelph meets an Anti-Nephite Lamanite mob in the wilderness. The Lamanite leaders use propaganda to gain public support for yet another war. [Between 365 and 374 A.D.]

1. And it came to pass that no wars did take place during the commencement of the year three-hundred and sixty-five. And the Lamanite leaders did meet to rethink the final solution, for the Nephites are an exceedingly mighty enemy, and defeating them is exceedingly more difficult than they did think it to be, for the Lamanites do always lose the battles.

2. And it came to pass that many amongst the people do tire of war, and seek after peace. And many Lamanites do protest the war, and think the leaders to be war mongers, and many suspect they do lie about the weapon of mass destruction so as they can go to war with the Nephites. For many Lamanite leaders are in business to sell weapons of war, wherefore, war shall be good business unto them.

3. And it came to pass that the Lamanite people desire to fight no more, yea, even do they desire to be idle, and to smoke peace pipes, and make blankets, and hunt buffalo, and be one with nature. Nevertheless, the Lamanite leaders desired exceedingly to commit genocide against the Nephite people, and they chastised their people for their idleness.

4. And it came to pass that I desired to begin a new life away from war, even did I retire from war, and I did build a business outside the tribal walls, for I desired to perform my magic and sorcery for all to enjoy, and I did build a house of magic for all to come unto and behold my magic and sorcery skills.

5. And it came to pass that Tiger Lilly, being my wife and magic partner, did perform much magic within my business, even did she perform witchcraft, and we did perform together, even did we perform exceedingly impressive magic tricks. And Tiger Lilly did also serve drinks, yea, even much wine and other strong drink to the patrons, and our magic shop did also become a bar. And those who did come unto our establishment did eat and drink, and they were merry, and they beheld our magic, and sorcery, and witchcraft, and did applaud us for our skills.

6. And it came to pass that many did gamble money on our magic, and also some did gamble with cards and dice. Wherefore, our house of magic did also become a casino.

7. And it came to pass that during the year three-hundred and sixty-five, yea, I did hear much talk in my establishment, even were the patrons speaking of a strange phenomenon which did cause much excitement throughout the land.

8. And it came to pass that the phenomenon that did cause much excitement did exist within the crops of the Lamanite farmers, yea, for many farmers did have their crops destroyed, yea, even by a strange force from above. And when ye look upon the crops from above, yea, even from a cliff, the destroyed crops do have perfect circles within them, and some destroyed crops do spell: HIE UNTO KOLOB, and others do spell: DARK AND LOATHSOME ART THEE.

9. And the leaders, and priests, and sorcerers, and fortune tellers, and prophets throughout the land did meet to discuss the words in the crops, for many do think them to be signs, even signs from the heavens, even from the stars.

10. And it came to pass that my father, being Dances with Cureloms, who did grow up amongst the Nephites, and did learn of their teachings in his youth, spake unto Onandagus, and sayeth that the word Kolob is a Nephite word, yea, even a Nephite teaching. For the Nephites get great power from the star named Kolob. And after the manner in which my father spake this thing, yea, Onandagus, whom did seek after political power, did travel to the council of Lamanite leaders, yea, and spake unto the Lamanite King, yea, even to all the Lamanite leaders.

11. And it came to pass that the Lamanite King hearkened unto the words of Onandagus's mouth, and the words did concern him. For if the Nephites shall gain power from the stars, and from the heavens, yea, they shall be an unstoppable force. Wherefore, it must needs be the Lamanites fight them to the death before they gain this great power, yea, even must the Lamanites fight with all their might.

12. And it came to pass that the Lamanite King was grateful unto Onandagus for the things he did know, even that Kolob is from the Nephites, and does appear in the crop circles. And the Lamanite King did name Onandagus a prophet, for Onandagus doth have exceeding knowledge and wisdom.

13. And the Lamanite leaders did discuss a new strategy, yea, even shall they commence a new assault on the Nephite lands, and they shall havest no mercy, and shall kill the women and children first, for the women and children shall be an easy enemy. And this new assault shall commence in a few months.

14. And the Lamanite King sent an epistle throughout the Lamanite lands, and did command all men and boys to take up arms and travel to the head of the narrow neck of land, yea, even to commence an assault on the Nephites, again.

15. And many Lamanite men and boys did protest the war, and did think it to be an unjust war, wherefore, they did tear up the epistle, yea, even did they burn it, for they desired to avoid going into battle against the Nephites, for they thought it a bad idea to die, and they did thinketh it a better idea to smoke peace pipes, and be idle. And many did say: War, what is it good for? Abolustely nothing.

16. Nevertheless, many Lamanites were patriotic, and desired to fight for their country, yea, even to obey their Lamanite leaders. And they did think those who desired not to fight to be cowards, and disobedient, and even to be unpatriotic. Wherefore, the patriotic Lamanites did travel to the head of the narrow neck of land, yea, even were they obedient to their leaders.

17. And it came to pass that I desired not to return to battle, yea, for I did havest a business, even did I retire from war. Nevertheless, Onandagus did journey to my casino in an attempt to entice me to come out of retirement and fight for my country.

18. And Onandagus spake unto me: Behold, Zelph, thou art a mighty warrior, yea, even doth thou havest exceedingly excellent fighting skills, for Howling Coyote spake these things unto me, even did he say thou art valiant, and did slay hundreds of Nephites with thy steel sword.

19. And I spake back at Onandagus: Behold, Onandagus, Howling Coyote knoweth not the multitude of Nephites I slew, for he sayeth I killed hundreds, but nay, I killed thousands of Nephites with my steel sword. Wherefore, I am exceedingly skilled in the art of killing Nephites. Nevertheless, I desire to fight no more, for I havest a family now, and a business. Wherefore, the Lamanites and Nephites shall fight without me, and I shall instead make profits by entertaining the soldiers in this establishment, for this is my life now.

20. And Onandagus replied: Yea, Zelph, I am a prophet, even do the Lamanite leaders bestow that title upon me, and I declared unto the Lamanite leaders that thou art a Chiefton unto me, yea, even do I givest unto you the title Chiefton. Wherefore, do this thing I doth ask of thee as thy prophet.

21. And I spake unto Onandagus: Verily I say unto thee, Onandagus, I shall be a Chiefton unto our people, for I desire to serve them. Nevertheless, I desire not to fight, but to run my business. Wherefore, I shall be a peaceful Chiefton. And I declare ‘tis better to makest profits than to follow prophets.

22. And Onandagus spake back at me: Behold, Zelph, thou art unpatriotic for declining my orders,  even art thou rebellious. Nevertheless, thou art the son of Dances with Cureloms, who is a friend unto me. Wherefore, I shall allow thee to not fight in this war. Nevertheless, thy decision doth disappoint me exceedingly, and I fear thou shalt soon regret it. Wherefore, I bid thee adieu.

23. And it came to pass that the day of war doth approach, and because the Lamanite army doth camp nearby my casino, yea, I did serve the Lamanite soldiers, and did boost their morale for battle, for the army did enjoy our magic show, and did drink much wine, and smoke much peace pipes, and did gamble much money.

24. And the day did finally arrive for the Lamanites to commence their assault on the city Desolation, and because I did boost their morale, yea, the Lamanites did take the city Desolation, and did kill all who dwelt in it, and did drive the Nephites back to Teancum.

25. And because the Lamanites did kill many innocent civilians, yea, especially the women and the children, which thing being a commandment of Howling Coyote, yea, it did anger the Nephites exceedingly. Wherefore, the Nephites commenced a counter-assault against the Lamanites at Desolation, even with exceeding anger did the Nephites attack, and did drive the Lamanites out of their lands again.

26. And it came to pass that after being driven out of the Nephite lands, yea, many Lamanite soldiers did enter my casino with low morale, for they were defeated yet again, and they witnessed many comrades fallen in battle. And many Lamanites desired to drink much wine, and smoke much peace pipes, yea, even to drown out their sorrows.

27. And I spake at them, and did say: Behold, why doth thou murder the innocent Nephite women and children? For that did cause the Nephites to attack with much ferocity. Wherefore, I thinketh it to be a bad idea to kill women and children, and I thinketh thee to be baby killers.

28. And many soldiers were angry at me for my accusation, and did call me unpatriotic, yea, even a Nephite lover. And because of my white skin, many did think I sympathize with the Nephites. But yea, some soldiers did agree with me and did think killing women and children to be wrong, yea, even did the act of killing women and children give much motivation unto the Nephites. And many Lamanites did murmur against the tactics of Howling Coyote and the Lamanite leaders.

29. And there was much division amongst the Lamanites over the Nephite war. And many Lamanite men did go AWOL, and many did hide in the wilderness to avoid being called to battle. And because the Lamanite leaders could see that morale was low, yea, and they were losing the support of the people, they did pull out their troops, and did send them home, and did end fighting, yea, even did fighting end indefinitely in the year three-hundred and sixty-eight.

30. And it came to pass that peace did exist in the land for eight years, and my casino business did thrive during the peace years, yea, for the Lamanites love to drink, and gamble, and smoke peace pipes, and watch magic shows. Wherefore, me and Tiger Lilly and Melph did enjoy much abundance for many years.

31. And it came to pass that in the year three-hundred and seventy-three, yea, the Lamanite leaders did begin to meet secretly again, yea, even Onandagus did attend the secret Lamanite leadership meetings.

32. And it came to pass that in that same year the crop circles did begin reappearing throughout the land, and many Lamanites did fear what the crop circles doth mean. For no man could create such crop circles, yea, wherefore, they must come from a great power, even a power from the stars, even Kolob, the great Nephite star. And much discussion did exist throughout the land concerning the crop circles and what they do mean. And many do think the crop circles mean the Nephites plan to attack soon, even are they secret codes and instructions for the secret Nephite attack, even shall the Nephites unleash their weapon of mass destruction.

33. And it came to pass in the year three-hundred and seventy-four I was awakened in my casino in the middle of the night by much turmoil. And I did take my sword and go to where the turmoil was. And I beheld many Nephites who did ransack my casino, even did thy lay torches to it, and they did also torch my chariot, and did kill my deer.

34. And I came upon the Nephites, yea, even to slay them, and after the manner in which the Nephites beheld me coming, yea, they fled from me, and mounted their chariots and speedily fled back to their lands.

35. And I did go to the rooms of Tiger Lilly and Melph, and did awaken them, and we did attempt to extinguish the fire, even with buckets of water, but wo, to no avail, for my casino did burn to the ground. And I wept much, for my casino was my livelihood, yea, even was it my home. And I had no home in which to dwell, nor did I have shelter for Tiger Lilly and Melph.

36. Nevertheless, the records, yea, even the plates, were preserved, for they were made of metal and stone, which things do burn not. But wo, for many of the poem scrolls of the son of Abitch were destroyed by the fire. Nevertheless, some poems burned not, but wo many poems did burn. Wherefore, the poem scrolls are now incomplete, and many poems of the son of Abitch are forever lost. And I had not a chariot, nor a handcart to transport the plates, wherefore, I retrieveth a cement box, and did conceal the plates within the cement box, and hid the box under some rubble.

37. And it came to pass that with no deer or chariot, yea, me, and Tiger Lilly, and Melph did wander in the wilderness for the space of many hours, and because it was dark we knew not where we go, and we did wander even until dawn, at which time we did come upon a camp, yea, even a group of Lamanites who dwelt in the wilderness.

38. And they greeted us, and I spake unto them our predicament, and spake that we needed food, and water, and a handcart, for our journey back to the Onandagus tribal village.

39. And they looked upon me with much suspicion, yea, even did they giveth unto me the evil eye. Nevertheless, they desired to help Tiger Lilly and Melph.

40. And I spake unto them: Behold, thou doth act exceedingly friendly unto my wife and son, and do welcome them in fellowship, but yea, thou doth act exceedingly bad toward me, even doth thou act as mine enemy. Why is it that thou act like this unto me?

41. And the leader amongst the wilderness dwellers spake unto me: Behold, thy white skin doth makest thee to look like unto a Nephite, and wo, we doth hate Nephites, even do we desire to kill all Nephites, for we are an angry mob of Anti-Nephites, and we do believe the only good Nephite be a dead Nephite, for they are a peculiar people who thinketh peculiar thoughts, and they do always try to teach their thoughts unto us, which thing maketh us to want to kill them.

42. And I spake: Behold, I am Zelph, and I am of Nephite heritage, nevertheless, a Nephite have I never been, for I do spend the entirety of my existence amongst the Lamanites, even was I born amongst Lamanites, and I know only Lamanite customs, and know not Nephite customs. Wherefore, a Lamanite am I.

43. And the leader of the Anti-Nephite Lamanites replied unto me: Verily Zelph behold, because thou doth havest two darkies amongst thee, yea, we shall kill thee not. Wherefore, we shall giveth unto thee supplies, and ye may return to thy tribe.

44. And we did gather the supplies of the Anti-Nephite Lamanites, and even did they loan unto us a handcart, and we bid them adieu, and did travel back to the cement box, and did gather up the plates into the handcart.

45. And after the manner in which we did gather the plates, yea, we did also return to the Onandagus tribal village. And I spake unto Onandagus: Onandagus, verily behold, I desire to fight Nephites, yea, even do I desire revenge, and I shall kill many Nephites for what they did unto me. For they did burn down my casino, yea, even did they destroy my chariot, and did kill my deer.

46. And Onandagus spake unto me: Very, verily I say unto thee, behold Zelph, war shall soon commence again, for it was decided in the secret leadership meetings, for the prophets do thinketh the crop circles to be a sign that the Nephites plan to destroy us very soon. Wherefore, we must to attack them, even must we launch a preemptive strike. And we must come upon them with exceedingly great numbers if we desire to win, wherefore, we do spread propaganda throughout the land, and we do say that the Nephites are peculiar, and do teach strange religious teachings, yea, even is their religion exceedingly bad, wherefore, we desire to annihilate them. And behold, the propaganda doth work, for most Lamanites do now hate Nephites, and many Lamanites do sign up to fight, yea, even more Lamanites than ever before desire to kill the peculiar Nephites.

47. And Onandagus spake more unto me: Yea, Zelph, Howling Coyote doth thinketh thee to be an exceedingly goodly fighter, wherefore, thou must lead thy troops in the first wave, even to take out the Nephite defenses.

48. And I replied unto Onandagus: Behold, Onandagus, I thinketh Howling Coyote to be a bad leader, and his attacks do always fail, and Lamanites do always die on his orders. Wherefore, I shall lead the first wave if I shall plan my own strategy, and order my own attacks, for I havest an exceedingly good strategy.

49. And Onandagus did ponder my sugestion, and did finally agree to it. And he did promise me that I shall use my own strategy during my assault.

50. And thus concludes this chapter, and I do now go to plan my revenge.

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