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THE BOOK OF THE WHORES THEIR LIVES AND TEACHINGS
CHAPTER 8 Shu shares her final words of wisdom. Claims to be a prophetess who can see the future using a crystal ball. Peers into her crystal ball and sees the coming wars between the Nephites and Lamanites, sees the Lamanites final war of freedom over the Nephites, also sees Columbus, American independence, the discovery of the Nephite record, the Civil War, World War I, Word War II, Vietnam, Watergate, the Cold War, Desert Storm, the 2000 Election Controversy, 9/11, the Iraq War, and the discovery of the Lamanite record by Josh Anderson. The accuracy of these prophecies prove Shu to be a true prophetess. [Between 548 and 540 B.C.] 1. And now I Shu shall write upon these plates, yea, even the plates of Laban the younger. And I shall write a few things about the future, for it came to pass that I Shu was given the gift of fortune telling, for inasmuch as I have a crystal ball, yea, I can foresee the future. 2. And I did change my name to Madame Shu, and many Lamanites do come to me so as I can read them their fortunes. 3. And now I shall read the fortunes of this great land, for the Nephites and Lamanites do grow in numbers and they do prosper, but yea, they do war one with another, yea, even do they have exceeding hate for one another, and I do wish for peace. Wherefore, I shall consult my crystal ball to foresee the future. And the things I do see in my crystal ball, yea, I shall write them on these plates. 4. And I do see many more wars and contentions between the Nephites and Lamanites, and I do see the Nephites shall be exceedingly religious most of the time, yea, excepteth sometimes they be not religious. And I do see the Lamanites to be exceedingly unreligious, except for sometimes they are religious. And I do see a church at the center of the Nephite society, and the Lamanites are dark and they shall practice separation of church and state, yea, even shall they practice just state, but no church. 5. And the issue of religion shall cause the Nephites and Lamanites to have many wars and contentions. And the dark Lamanites shall defeat the white Nephites in the final war, except for one Nephite, whose name shall begin with an M and end with an I. And he also has gold plates that he shall bury on a hill, even in a land far, far away. 6. And after committing genocide against the white people, the Lamanites shall live in this land free from the influence of other white people for another one-thousand years, at which time, 3 ships shall arrive. And the captain shall be a man from the Spanish country, and his initials shall be C.C., and he shall set up a kingdom of Spanish people upon this land. And the country of Great Britain shall set up a colony in the land Northward, even way up north by where the Nephite doth bury his gold plates. 7. And the British colony shall declare Independence from Great Britain, and shall go to War with the British, and shall call itself the United States. 8. And then shall a man named Joseph find the plates of the Nephites which were buried by the Nephite whose name starts with M and ends with an I. And Joseph shall start a new church, like unto the church of the Nephites, except a little different. 9. Then shall the United States contend with itself over the issue of slavery, and their shall be a Civil War. 10. And it shall come to pass that many years after that, the entire world will be at war, and this great war shall be called World War I. 11. Then shall the United States start having no gold, and many poor people shall live on the streets, and then a man shall come to power overseas whose initials shall be A.H. And A.H. shall persecute the Jews, and shall order them exterminated, but many countries shall go to war against him in the second great war called World War II. 12. And it shall come to pass that during World War II, yea, the United States shall build a great weapon, yea, even a weapon with the destructive power of many swords, yea, even billions of steel swords. 13. And another country shall also build a weapon like unto the weapon of the United States, and this country shall challenge the United States. And these two countries shall threaten one another with utter destruction for many years. 14. And also shall the United States choose sides in other country's civil wars, yea, and the people of the United States shall be divided over choosing sides in other countries internal affairs, and many American soldiers shall die fighting in such causes. 15. Then shall a leader of the United States break into the offices of his opponent, and shall he be caught and forced out of office, and the United States shall have low morale, and gas shall be expensive. 16. Then shall the other country with the bomb have internal conflicts and fall, and the United States shall have a new nemesis in the holy land whose initials shall be S.H. And S.H. shall invade a country who is friends with the United States, and the United States shall go to war with S.H. and shall liberate their friends. 17. Then shall there be an election in the United States that shall divide the nation in two because it is exceedingly close, but yea, shortly after that, religious men from the holy land shall fly large steel birds into the great structures of the United States, causing much destruction. 18. And because of the death and destruction caused by the metal birds, yea, the leader of the United States shall attack S.H again. 19. And then shall a young, uneducated schoolboy named Josh Anderson find these plates and translate them, bringing the record of our people to future generations. 20. And these things shall come to pass according to my crystal ball. And the future generations shall read these predictions, and know that my crystal ball spake the truth, and they shall tremble in fear at my accurate predictions, which I did write upon these plates, and seal up long before the events came to pass. And many shall know these plates are true because of the accuracy of my crystal ball. 21. And no other book shall speak of me or my crystal ball, or my accurate predictions. Wherefore, this book shall be the most correct book on Earth. 22. And now that I finish telling the fortunes of this land, I shall prepare to go to the great spirits in the sky, for I am but an old woman. And I close this portion of the record. |
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