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TESTIMONY OF
JOSH ANDERSON

Josh Anderson’s own words about the coming forth of the Book of Zelph:

“On the evening of the . . . 2nd of May [2004] . . . I was sitting in bed, after a long shift at Chuck-E-Cheese's, reading The History of the Church Volume 2. While reading, I came upon a passage by Joseph Smith concerning the discovery of the remains of the great white Lamanite warrior named Zelph:

"The brethren procured a shovel and a hoe, and removing the earth to the depth of about one foot, discovered the skeleton of a man, almost entire, and between his ribs the stone point of a Lamanitish arrow, which evidently produced his death. Elder Burr Riggs retained the arrow. The contemplation of the scenery around us produced peculiar sensations in our bosoms: and subsequently the visions of the past being opened to my understanding by the Spirit of the Almighty, I discovered that the person whose skeleton was before us was a white Lamanite, a large, thick-set man, and a man of God. His name was Zelph.

"He was a warrior and chieftain under the great prophet Onandagus, who was known from the Hill Cumorah, or eastern sea to the Rocky mountains. The curse was taken from Zelph, or, at least, in part - one of his thigh bones was broken by a stone flung from a sling, while in battle, years before his death. He was killed in battle by the arrow found among his ribs, during the last great struggle of the Lamanites and Nephites."
 

This riveting story of Zelph excited my senses, and I had difficulty falling asleep. I opened my encyclopedia, volume 'Z', and looked for 'Zelph'...nothing. I finally laid down and went to sleep. That night I had the most vivid dream. I dreamt of Zelph, the mighty white Lamanite warrior doing battle with his Nephite enemies. As I watched them fight, Zelph chopped some guy's head off, then he suddenly turned to me and said, "Find the plates." I awoke in the middle of the night wondering what that meant. Find the plates? Maybe the dream was a sign that I needed to find some plates, just like Joseph Smith!

According to the History of the Church, Zelph's remains were found on the banks of the Illinois River, near Florence, IL in 1834. This was only about a two-hour drive away, and my Uncle Hank lived in Florence, so I could stay with him! I called my friends Martin, Kenny, Cody, and Rick and told them about Zelph and invited them to come with me to check out his final resting place. None of them were interested so I called my girlfriend, Becky, and asked her. She said it sounded exciting and romantic and agreed to accompany me on my voyage.

I was so excited. On the morning of May 4th, Becky and I started the drive to Zelph’s homeland. Becky drove while I read Zelph passages from the History of the Church, Volume 2. We arrived at my Uncle Hank’s house a little before noon. I asked my Uncle about Zelph. He had not heard of him, but he gave me a map and showed me the area that Joseph Smith and company traveled, and potential sites for the events described in the History of the Church.

 
Hank fed us lunch, and outfitted us with gear for our journey. We borrowed his canoe and traveled up the river. I felt as if the ghost of Zelph were guiding us. Becky kept trying to fool around, thinking we were on a romantic get away. I kept pushing her away because this was business not pleasure. This upset Becky. About an hour into our journey, I noticed a clearing. I knew it was the place. We pulled the canoe onto the bank and began searching. We searched all day but didn’t find Zelph’s grave or anything else. When it got dark, we went back to Uncle Hank’s house disappointed.
 

The next morning, I decided to go search on my own, without Becky. I went to the same clearing and searched a little further back into the woods. I came across a grove of trees and sat down to rest when I noticed two personages standing before me. They were both dressed like Indians, but one of them was a white guy, and the other was dark. They were both glowing like ghosts. The non-white guy motioned to the white guy and said, "This is my beloved dad, hear him."

I was confused, so I asked them, "How can you guys be related? You're not even the same race."

And the white guy spoke saying, "Behold, I am Zelph, son of Dances with Cureloms, a Nephite. And I did inherit my white skin from my father. And my son, Melph, who does also stand before thee, did inherit his dark skin from his mother, for I married a Lamanite woman named Tiger Lilly."

I was excited beyond belief! I went in search of Zelph's last resting place, and to search for the plates he mentioned in my dream, and I actually met Zelph himself, and even his son, Melph. We talked all morning for many hours. They finally told me that the plates were hidden in a nearby cave. They guided me to the side of a mountain, and an opening appeared, as if by magic. I gazed inside the cave, and saw a big wheelbarrow with some plates in it. The wheelbarrow was very old and rusty, but the plates were in perfect condition. Inside the wheelbarrow were a couple gold plates, some silver plates with jewels, bronze plates, steel plates, and a few stone tablets. I stood all amazed.

Zelph then spoke saying, "Takest not those plates, for they are exceedingly heavy. Besides, many of the gold plates are missing because Melph melted them down to make gold coins so he could buy things. Here, takest these instead."

Zelph handed me some grungy old leather plates, bound together to form a book, and he continued speaking, "These leather plates I hand thee are an abridgement of the plates ye beheld in that handcart. And I abridged them in a single, easy to read book, except for one thing that doth makest it not so easy to read, for it is written in reformed Asian, therefore, thou wilt need this." Zelph then tossed me a rock.

I caught the rock, and looked at it. It was a round rock, a couple inches in diameter, with a hole in the middle. "What is this?" I asked.

Zelph explained, "That is an ancient Asian magic translator rock, preserved from the time of the Asian whores, and handed down, to whosoever taketh over as translator of these works. And my father, Dances with Cureloms, did inherit it from Asian whores, and he gavest it unto me, and I did givest it unto my son, Melph. And now I do givest this rock unto thee, Josh, so ye shall bring forth these plates to the modern generation. For if ye write it, they will come."

"If I write it they will come?" I asked. "Write what? Who will come?"

And after I asked that question, the two personages disappeared, and I never saw them again. I was left with some leather plates, a rock, and a puzzle to solve. I concealed the leather plates in my bag, and rowed back to Uncle Hank’s house. It was still early and the house was quiet. I loaded the leather plates into the trunk of my car, locked the trunk and went inside.

 
I wanted to examine the plates, but I knew people would think I was crazy if I told them the story. Nobody could know the truth, at least not yet, not until I get my story straight. When I walked in, Hank and Becky were eating breakfast. “Where the hell did you go?” Becky asked. She was obviously angry that her romantic get away wasn't so romantic. She didn't expect to be eating breakfast with Uncle Hank.
 

“I went back to the place we were at yesterday. I still didn’t find anything. We should go home now.” I said.
 

“Sure, whatever.” Becky said, obviously pissed off.

When we returned home, I secretly built a wooden box to hide the leather plates in. I then secretly transported the plates to the box. I placed the plates inside the box, covered it with a tablecloth, and nailed the box shut.
 

Later that night, I started reading from the History of the Church and other church books trying to find any clues to this mystery. I read several passages that mentioned Joseph Smith using a seer stone to translate his gold plates. According to some witnesses, Joseph put his seer stone in his hat to translate his gold plates. I took the rock Zelph gave me out of my pocket and placed it inside my baseball cap. I then placed my face inside the hat, bringing the edges of the hat against my face to exclude the light. Suddenly words started to appear before me. I began reading the words one at a time, “And”…. “it”……. ”came”……….. ”to”……. ”pass.” I couldn’t believe it. Zelph's magic rock was working!!

I spent the entire night translating. I would read a word, then take my face out of the hat and write the word in a notebook, then I would put my face back in the hat and get the next word. It was a tedious process. I only finished half a page. I looked at the thick leather plates and realized that if I wanted to get this thing translated quickly, I was going to need some help.
 

The next morning I called my buddies and Becky. I told them the entire story and how I pretended not to find anything because I was worried people would think I was crazy. They were all skeptical of my story but excited about the ancient, leather Indian plates, so they agreed to help me out. When they got to my house, they wanted to see the plates, but I told them the plates were hidden in a really good spot to protect against people stealing it. I told them that if they helped me, they would be able to see the plates soon. They reluctantly agreed to help. We translated the leather plates by the power of the seer stone and Yankees cap (and I think the ghost of Zelph had a little to do with it too.) The resulting translation is The Book of Zelph.

My enemies say The Book of Zelph sucks. They claim that any third grader could have written it, and that the mentality of the narrative is at the same level as mine. Well, I take that as a compliment because The Book of Zelph is an epic masterpiece. Do you really think an ignorant high school dropout like me could have written it? Others have accused me of plagiarism. I challenge all my enemies to prove the Book of Zelph is not true. The enemies of The Book of Zelph have challenged me to produce the leather plates from whence the Book of Zelph came. They say that if the Book of Zelph is true, I should be able to produce the original source material to be examines by experts. These people are so caught up in little nitpicky details like ancient leather plates that they fail to see the truthfulness on the pages of the actual translated Book of Zelph. Who cares about the leather plates? The important thing is the resulting translation, which we have in The Book of Zelph. Even members of my own family became impatient with me. During the translation process, my cousin, Travis would say hurtful things like, “Do you realize how gay you look with your face in that baseball cap?” He thought I should get a real job, as did many of my other relatives. Too bad for Travis, because I had other friends and relatives who believed in me and trusted that The Book of Zelph was true, and would be a big hit. Because these people believed in me, I allowed them to “see” the original leather plates. Those of you who doubt that I ever had an old leather Indian book can eat your hearts out by reading the statements of the four witnesses and nine witnesses. After reading these statements, you probably wish you believed in me so that you could have seen the leather plates too. Well, too bad for you. The witnesses are proof that the leather plates actually existed and if the leather plates are true, that means The Book of Zelph is true also. If you still don't believe the Book of Zelph is true, I challenge you to take the Book of Zelph Challenge. I bear you my testimony, and promise in the name of Zelph that the Book of Zelph is true.

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© 2005 Josh Anderson Enterprises, All rights reserved. 

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