Welcome to Testimony Meeting
We hope these testimonies help strengthen your knowledge that The Book of
Zelph is true.
(Scroll to the bottom for the newest testimonies)
It saddens us that you don't want to bear your testimony.
New Page 1
Name: Mark Hoffman
Location: Utah State Prison, Draper, Utah.
Testimony: This is no cheap forgery. It's the real deal!
Name: An Daoren
Location: Beijing
Testimony: This is so funny!
Therefore, I knowest that itsest trueth.
Name: Mr. T
Location: South American Mission South
Testimony: Hi, I'm a missionary trying to get into the doors of millions and
proclaim the gospel of Zelph. I bear my testimony that it is true. Read it for
yourself and roll the dice, then you can know like me. So many other smart
people believe, why don't you give it a read?
Name: Sid Rigdon
Location: Mesa, Arizona
Testimony: Praise to the man who discovered this inspirational long lost text!
May he hie to Kolob in the twinkling of an eye.
Name: in awe
Location: utah
Testimony: My third cousin's brother-in-law said that he knew of a guy in the
next county who had been visited by three mysterious beings. They identified
themselves as the three Asian Whoramites, women who had been allowed to linger
on this earth to minister to the needs of the sons of Laban until the second
coming.
I am just blown away by this and I know it is true.
Name: Robert Mein
Location: Cardston Alberta Canada
Testimony:I know the Book of Zelph is God's word on earth. When I read it I feel so
special. A warm feeling passes through my chest, like heart burn , but nicer.
Thank you for letting me see how the Book of Zelph testifies to the truthfulness
of the Book of Mormon. Thank you for bringing forth this marvelous work and a
wonder.
Ooops, I have to go eat my jello now. Bye.
Name: Testimony of the Twelve
Location: Ascended Realms
Testimony:We, Billy Bob Whitmer, Billy Joe Whitmer, Billy Marie Whitmer, Bob Billy
Whitmer,
Billy Whitmer Joe, Lisa Marie Prezlie, Billy Bob Thorndun, Billy Joe Thorndun,
Lisa Marie Smith, John Smith, Billy Bob Smith, and Billy Whitmer Smith all say
that this book is true, and the man what translated it testifietheth to its
greater truth, and youse all better believeth it, because we all says it be
true.
Name: Queen Lamoni
Location: New York State or Mesoamerica--I'm not sure which
Testimony:Yea, having read the Book of Zelph, I know that others say that it is dead and
that it stinketh, but as for myself, to me it doth not stink.
Name: Mickey
Location: High above the Great Western Sea
Testimony:I bear my testimony that I know Josh Anderson is a true prophet of something, I
know not what. I know the Book of Zelph is true, for I know a little something
about Asian Whores myself, and they completely explain the lack of Jewish DNA in
modern Lamanites.
Excuse me! **Sniffles. Sobs. Snorts***
When I read the testimony of the thirteen (or was it 14?) witnesses, I felt a
burning **Snort!**that was like no other**sob!** I have ever
felt***belllllch!***. It can only be a sign from god, and can't have anything
to do with the Thai food I had for lunch. I haven't read the Book of Zelph but
fully intend to do so, I swear.
I say these things in the name of Jesse Shrike, Amen!
Name: Jungle84025
Location: SLC
Testimony:I would truly be ungrateful if I didn't take the opportunity to stand before you
all and express my gratitude to God for sending Josh Anderson before us who
translated the Book of Zelph, Another Testament of the Book of Mormon. I just
wanted to let everyone know that I know the Book of Zelph to be true beyond a
shadow of a doubt. There was a time when I took all this for Granite but after
my pet turtle died and I felt so lonely, I decided to test Melph's promise and
roll to see if what was written on the Leather Plates was true or not. I was
very skeptical at first that I would roll a 7 since that would require a 3 and a
4. In fact I didn't even notice that I rolled a 7 the FIRST try because it was
a 6 and a 1! But something told me to look a little closer, and when I did I
realized that 6 and 1 do equal 7!! I know that the Lord truly helped me to add
correctly that day because he wanted me to find the truth. I bear my solemn
witness to these things in the name of Cheezy Rice, Amen.
Name: Adrienne
Location: Land of Zion
Testimony:My life has been changed for the better because of the Book of Zelph. I KNOW
beyond a shadow of a doubt that this book is true and I KNOW that Josh Anderson
is an inspired prophet! Praise to the man!
Name: Daniel Piedersen
Location: Provo, Utah
Testimony:My research findings indicate that the Book of Zelph is a miracle! I have
identified several instances of chiasmus in the Book of Poems, which are
remarkably similar to those found in the Old Testament. Moreover, certain
evidences indicate that the entire Book of Zelph was translated within just a
very short time. Thus, it does not seem plausible that such a work, so rich in
Hebrewisms and completed in such a brief period of time, could have been
conceived by the mind of an uneducated Chucky-Cheese employee. This book is
true.
Name: Epstein
Location: The Mission Field
Testimony:The fact that so many people think the Book of Zelph was made up is proof that
it is true! You should pray to know that it is true. And if you don't get an
answer, you should believe it anyway. And if you don't believe in it, you will
damn all your posterity to hell forever and ever.
Name: Halle
Location: New Hampshire
Testimony:I'm sure the Book of Zelph is true. But that's not the point. Boy, are you
going to be in truuuuuuuble!! Gordon B.'s going to spend five minutes with you
and come out shouting, "Who's your mama now, huh?"
P.S: can I be a prophet in
your church, even though I'm a girl, can I? Can I??
Name: Lili Von Schtupp
Location: Blazing Saddles AZ
Testimony:Is it twue what they say?
Oh, it's twue, it's twue, it's twue, it's twue!
Name: Zelphina
Location: Happy Valley, UT
Testimony:I am four so my daddy is typing this for me. I was named after Zelph.
I want to bear my testimony that the Book of Zelph is true.
I know Josh Anderson is a true prophet of God.
I am so happy that Josh Anderson works at Chuck E. Cheese and hope that means we
get to take pizza bites from that silver tray on Sunday instead of those dry
bread pieces.
I pray that God will answer my prayers to let me be Tiger Lilly (Zelph's baby's
mama)for Halloween.
Inthenameoffisherpriceamen
Name: Dave
Location: San Rafael
Testimony:Has it a name? Oh does it ever, its Zelph.
Name: Molly
Location: Sandy UT
Testimony:Don't listen to me to learn that the Book of Zelph is true. Read it yourself or
just one verse then pray about it and wait for the warm fuzzies! That warm,
gassy feeling will tell you that it's true!
Name: Jarrod
Location: The Land North of the Land of Zelph
Testimony:I have doubts about the Book of Zelph. I have gone through several dozen pair
of dice and have not rolled a seven in at least two thousand throws.
I have been in contact with a very fat man at FRUMPS (Foundation for the
Righteous Understanding of Mormon Pseudo-Science) who tell me that I may need to
understand "seven" as a different number altogether. He has me reading the
remarkable writings of Thomas Kuhn, who says that I can't really even know if I
roll a seven, or what "seven" means anyway, so maybe I have only ever rolled a
seven and nothing else. Deep stuff!
Progress is slow, but I know with every fiber of my toenails that I will one day
roll a seven and know that the Book of Zelph is a true and sacred record.
Amen.
Name: Jennifer Hart
Location: Not saying
Testimony:this bok is written for this generation. it speaks to the people of this
generation. read it an you will see. this book is TRUE!!!
Name: Dave
Location: Redding, CA
Testimony:awesome awesome book!!!!!!!
Name: Scott Keller
Location: Washington State
Testimony:I know this book is true. It is absolutely incredible. I can't believe some
people actually think Josh Anderson wrote it all by himself and it is fiction.
The guy is a high school drop out who works at Chuck E Cheese's. Give me a
break. This is definitely an inspired book that no uneducated person could
write. Check it out.
Name: Reba Johnston
Location: USA
Testimony:The Book of Zelph changed my life. I am so thankful I read this great and true
book. I know The book of Zelph is true. I Know Josh Anderson got it the way he
said he did. There is no way a high school drop out could of written this book.
It is such an amazing book. But don't take my word for it. Read it for yourself.
Name: Jim Whalen
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
Testimony:I would like to take the time to bear my testimony about the truthfulness of the
Book of Zelph. No book is truer than this book. Please take the time to read it,
you will thank me when you finish.
Name: Janice
Location: Des Moines, Iowa
Testimony:I know for a fact that the book of Zelph is true. It is such an awesome book!!
Read it for yourself, and you to will know it is true.
Date & Time: Monday 06th of June 2005 08:14:53 PM
Name: Not saying
Location: Not saying
Testimony: Looks like some idiot with a computer has way too much time on his hands. What a stupid joke. When you get done slapping yourself on the back for this retarded website, maybe you will realize how tearing down other people\'s faith is a terrible way to waste time. Grow Up!!
Date & Time: Tuesday 07th of June 2005 12:52:04 AM
Name: Ms. K Kirk
Location: Indiana
Testimony: Many people persecute those that know the truth of the Book of Zelph, but as you can see from the testimonies of these my brothers and sisters, that just makes us stronger.
If you want to know if it is true, you must read it while knowing that it is true. Then pray and ask God to send a burning to your bosom to enhance your knowledge that it is true. If your bosom doesn\'t burn, then you obviously read it not knowing it was true.
Another solution to the absence of a burning bosom is to eat a couple of pizzas while reclining.
Date & Time: Tuesday 07th of June 2005 02:08:28 AM
Name: Marcus Twain
Location: Hannibal
Testimony: Testimony: \'Tis some of the best chloroform in print that I ever laid my eyes thereupon. And, I reckon I have laid my eyes on a lot of beautiful things, in my day. So, hooray! Just do as I did and follow your nose: because the nose knows where to find leather \"plates\" as perfectly preserved...even better than...any old preserves made out of strawberry, that is for sure!. Just imagine how leather could ever have been preserved that long, without worms and cockroaches devouring it (and eating it up, too!) Miraculous! Even though I now feel sooo sleepy, from all those methane and CHLOROFORM fumes that that-there leather is giving off. Zelph, you old Hamitic White Lamanite, you! You are playing tricks on my mind! Night-night! Zzzzzzzzzz.
Date & Time: Tuesday 07th of June 2005 02:34:44 PM
Name: A Mormon
Location: U.S.A.
Testimony: Bwahaha. Very funny. It\'s losers like you that prove the church is true. No other church has so many anti-sites than the mormon church with all the anti-mormon crap we contend with daily. You must be worried otherwise you wouldn\'t spend so much time mocking the LDS church, the one and only true church.
Date & Time: Tuesday 07th of June 2005 02:45:26 PM
Name: Satan
Location: Hell
Testimony: Dammitt!! Now I have another true church to contend with. I\'m gonna need a partner.
Date & Time: Tuesday 07th of June 2005 04:09:33 PM
Name: Z-boy
Location: New Mexico
Testimony: I know the Book Of Zelph is the truest book in the bom. And it came to pass.
Date & Time: Tuesday 07th of June 2005 04:21:45 PM
Name: Sideon
Location: East Bay, California
Testimony: I know the Book of Zelph is true because Nephi was gay.
Amen to iron rods.
Date & Time: Tuesday 07th of June 2005 04:50:39 PM
Name: Fly
Location: my house
Testimony: I would indeed be ungrateful if I did not take this opportunity to stand before you today and express my gratitude for the *sniff* Book of Zelph.
(Oh, I promised myself that I would not cry this time! *sob*)
I feel the Spirit so strongly every time I read the Book of Zelph. Brothes and Sisters, I *know* it is true. I know that Heavenly Father loves us, because he has given us this incredible gift. Someday, if I live a worthy life, I want to be able to stand in the presence of Zelph in the Celestial Kingdom and thank him for his labors and sacrifices so that we could have this book of scripture.
And I say these things in the name of our savior, even Jesus Christ, amen.
Date & Time: Tuesday 07th of June 2005 04:53:59 PM
Name: Needie A. Life
Location: Corridor, Utah
Testimony: I read the Book of Zelph. For some reason, I had reservations about it being true. I left the decision up to the dice. I rolled a seven on the FIRST try. I fell to my knees and begged forgivness for ever doubting the truthfulness of the Book of Zelph! I now know it was the influence of Satan (or alcohol) that made me doubt it to begin with. May I add, my life has remained absolutely unchanged since the revelation of the truthfulness of the Book of Zelph.
Date & Time: Thursday 09th of June 2005 07:34:49 PM
Name: Josh Terry
Location: Vancouver Island - The Other Right Place
Testimony: Be it known to all lurkers, posters, administrators, and people unto whom this work shall come: That Josh Anderson Enterprises has correctly represented the side of the Lamanites, and that the record born here is true and faithful; for I have read selected portions and have hefted rocks that are probably very similar to the Zelph stone:,,:; therefore, I bear record with words of soberness, though I be drunken, or at least buzzed; that the said Anderson has got the stone of which I have spoken. I lie not a little, Jeebus bearing witness of it.
Date & Time: Friday 10th of June 2005 01:12:09 PM
Name: Gordon B. Hinkley
Location: Salt Lake City Utah
Testimony: It is marvelous to live in this season of the world\'s history and to see the Lord unfold this divine and glorious work. The Book of Zelph contains a grand message; that a Living God continues
to speak to his children by the most preposterous and unbelievable means. We extend a hand of fellowship to the world, and ask all our fellow Christians of good conscious to read the Book of Zelph, and ask yourself: \"is it really any more preposterous than the Book of Mormon?\" I prophesy and bless all of you that you will hear a divine whisper within your heart \"no, it is just as true.\"
Date & Time: Wednesday 15th of June 2005 02:24:44 AM
Name: Van Hale
Location: The State of Deseret
Testimony: I have never seen the Book of Zelph taught before, so that means that it does not exist. My personal experiences are representative of all Mormons, and therefore you can rest assured that the Book of Zelph is just another anti-Mormon tool of the Adversary.
Date & Time: Wednesday 15th of June 2005 07:15:07 PM
Name: W. Marriott
Location: The Promised Land
Testimony: I experimented upon the word of Zelph, yea I did fake it until I made it. I testify unto all ye fine inhabitants of this land that Zelph was indeed white (except when he failed to bathe on a regular basis).
My faith in the power of The Book of Zelph was strengthened when on a camping trip. Yea I was showered with hot sparks from the fire while reading my Book of Zelph and I was only burned where the Book of Zelph was not. Miracles do occur in the latter days by reading the Book of Zelph.
In the name of Zelph, Amen.
Date & Time: Friday 15th of July 2005 03:59:09 PM
Name: U. Thummim
Location: Banks of the Mississippi
Testimony: Because a testimony of the Book of Zelph is to be found in the rolling of
it, I kept rolling the dice until they come up with a seven. Just because
the first 19 rolls were snake eyes there was no reason to doubt, but just
keep rolling. I am here to testify that I finally rolled a seven so there
is now need to roll the dice any more. My thinking is now done. I know
with every fiber of my bran cereal that it is a true book because I
eventually rolled a seven. I hope that you too can find the joy I have by
putting Melph\'s promise to the test
Date & Time: Tuesday 19th of July 2005 12:26:16 AM
Name: Moon Quaker
Location: Taurus-Littrow Valley
Testimony: In my patriarchal blessing I was promised that the inhabitants of the earth would someday visit the moon and teach me the ways of Zelph. To this day, only the Apollo astronauts have visited me, apparently they had more important things to do. It wasn\'t until Josh Anderson created this blessed website that I have been able to learn of Zelph. My posterity will be forever blessed. Josh Anderson has done more for the salvation of man (even more so than Joseph Smith and Jesus combined) than any other man to walk the earth. I say these things in the name of Josh Anderson, amen.
Date & Time: Friday 22nd of July 2005 03:12:13 PM
Name: In-Bread
Location: Alabama
Testimony: You know you stole my plates. I know you also have my stone. Put it against your head and you will know who I am!
Date & Time: Tuesday 26th of July 2005 03:49:54 PM
Name: Mickey
Location: In the Great Western Sea
Testimony: Brothers and Sisters. Previously I bore my testimony to you concerning the Book of Zelph. I am sorry to say that in the intervening time I have been sorely tempted by Satan and his Anti-Zelph minions, fell into apostasy and couldn\'t get up.
It was the whores, probably.
Yet, I returned to this site and read the 13 things that we believe, and my testimony is being edified with each passing second, yea, even as I type this.
I paid my titing on line, after which I felt a burning in my loins. After taking a leak, and applying ointment, I opened my mail and found I had received $81 in Staples Rewards credit to be used just like cash in my next purchase of office supplies from Staples. I now have a testimony of paying a full tithe to the Book of Zelph Church, or whatever it\'s called, because I obviously was increased by virtue of this Staples Rewards credit after paying my tithing. Therefore, The Book of Zelph must be true.
I say these things in the name of Jerry Rice, Amen!
Date & Time: Thursday 28th of July 2005 05:21:26 PM
Name: Joe Hova
Location: earth
Testimony: Yeah man. This book finally opened my eyes to the truth. I have never been happier in my cabin in the woods where I hide my 25 wives. I hope to one day baptise all your dead bodies so you too can know my celestial bliss.
Date & Time: Thursday 28th of July 2005 05:26:15 PM
Name: Elvis
Location: Secret hideout
Testimony: The missionaries found me and I\'m glad they did. I just love this book.
Date & Time: Thursday 28th of July 2005 05:28:52 PM
Name: Elvis
Location: Secret hideout
Testimony: The missionaries found me and I\'m glad they did. I just love this book.
Date & Time: Thursday 28th of July 2005 07:17:35 PM
Name: Stephen Bendon
Location: Exile, AZ
Testimony: I am here to proclaim the Book of Zelph a lie and Josh Anderson a fraud! I speak from experience as a long time member of the Church of Zelph - five weeks, did you hear me?! Five long weeks I gave my life over to the Church of Zelph! I rolled the dice and got a 7! I paid my full tithe online! And then I stumbled across a list of the ten markers of a cult and the Church of Zelph qualified for 9 of them! Plus, Josh propositioned my wife and told her Zelph had promised her to him in a past life but he had to settle for one weekend a month with her in this life. AND I discovered he changed his original story of his discovery of the Plates of Zelph that he told Becky four times! What a crock! What a lie! It IS a cult! I am leaving and starting a web site for Recovering Zelphons. You may come and begin your recovery today. We also have optional online tithe offerings. http://www.exzelph.com
Date & Time: Thursday 28th of July 2005 11:26:03 PM
Name: Brad Greenwood
Location: Zarahemla
Testimony: Zelph has had such an impact on me that I have taken his name online...
zelph_2000@yahoo.com
Date & Time: Friday 29th of July 2005 09:58:43 AM
Name: Mujun
Location: California
Testimony: I want to bear my testimony that I know the Book of Zelph is true, and that The Prophet Josh translated it by using the Uma Thurman.
Date & Time: Friday 29th of July 2005 10:01:54 AM
Name: Jane Sorenson
Location: Provo, Utah
Testimony: I have not read the Book of Zelph yet. I don\'t need to. Just by spending five minutes on this site, my life has been blessed immeasurably! My doctor called and said my cancer is in remission and it\'s all down to faith in Zelph!! I know it\'s true. I know Brother Josh is a true prophet! I don\'t know how I can ever thank you enough. I owe my life to Zelph and his miracles!
Date & Time: Friday 29th of July 2005 10:06:42 AM
Name: Octavia The Great
Location: Boise, Idaho
Testimony: I just wanted to type before all of you today and publicly thank my Father in Heaven for giving us this online translation. I know that Josh Anderson was a prophet of God. I know with every fiber of my being that this book is true. I know these things because I\'ve been programmed to believe that feeling this way means God\'s talking to me and saying YES in advance to whatever the Mormon church may teach. It\'s not just a chemical response to emotional stimuli. I know with all of my heart that I am not a robot. I say these things in the name of Josh Anderson, Amen.
......... snif snif
Oh, where\'s that kleenex box when you need it!
Date & Time: Friday 29th of July 2005 12:22:33 PM
Name: Josh Anderson Sr.
Location: Palmyra
Testimony: Having raised Josh from an early age, I know and understand his capabilities. Having never finished the fifth grade, he is in no way capable of writing such a book. Therefore, the Book of Zelph must be true. I bear witness to the truthfulness of this book. Now please donate money so the message of the Book of Zelph can move forward.
Date & Time: Friday 29th of July 2005 12:40:17 PM
Name: Edgar Allen Poet
Location: Limited Geography
Testimony: Zelph, the white Lamanite
Had a big sword,
Man he could fight
For the Lord.
He beat all the dark ones
To heck and back,
Fathers and sons
All got a whack.
Zelph, the white Lamite,
Righteous was he,
I’m glad he was white,
Just like me.
Date & Time: Friday 29th of July 2005 01:27:34 PM
Name: Jake D
Location: Utah
Testimony: I felt a burning bosom while reading the Book of Zelph. She liked it too!
Date & Time: Friday 29th of July 2005 10:05:05 PM
Name: TruthSeeker
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Testimony: Although I have not read The Book of Zelph, I know that it is true because last night I was playing backgammon, and later, after I\'d gone to bed, in my dream I saw my last roll (a double 5) on a very dark blue textured background. When I saw the cover of the book of Zelph on this website (today is my first time here), I knew that the Spirit of the doG of Zelph had led me to the truth! Thank you, Josh Anderson! You have done a mighty work and the Almighty dorL whom Zelph doth worship in His Holy Magnificence will bless you and your posterity exceedingly, yea even until the resurrected spirits of Zelph and his descendants have obtained their inheritance in the land of Siom (the \'S\' is pronounced like a \'tph\'), which is in modern-day Iraq.
By the way, can I pay my tithing using a Discover card? (I like to collect the points).
Date & Time: Saturday 30th of July 2005 12:35:34 PM
Name: Joe Jr. the third
Location: fighting the \'Holy War\' in Iraq
Testimony: When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I can\'t explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.. So the book of Zelph has to be true.. there is no other explaination
Date & Time: Saturday 30th of July 2005 02:27:38 PM
Name: new prostelyte
Location: land of the labanites
Testimony: I joined because I wanted to learn to swing like the whores taught us to do.. so I just believe!!!!!!!!!!!
After all what is good for Joseph Smith has got to be good for the rest of us right?
Date & Time: Saturday 30th of July 2005 11:51:11 PM
Name: Mahonri
Location:
Testimony: Just remember my brothers and sisters if you do not roll a 7 one your 1d20 die, it is not the book of zelph that is lacking. It is you.
Date & Time: Monday 01st of August 2005 12:25:40 AM
Name: it become thee to testify
Location: for as much as the moon s higher then ..
Testimony: I was asked to bear testimony tody, and I consider it a great honor to type before you all as to the truth of the book of Zelph. I was once an unbeliever carried away by various and diverse sins of the menial kind. But, it came to pass, that it came to pass, in the due course of time, by the Hevanly father\'s own time, that I also lifted rocks of similar weight, being such rocks as the earth bringeth forth after it\'s own kind in in same manner of shape , and in same manner of constitution, and in same manner of color and size, that I became fully convinced, that such manner of rocks do indeed exist in the earth. Further, I was confronted by all manner of men in suits , smelling of cheap colone, bearing the title of elder, that I decide maybe he church welfare program would work for me too. I futher had a revelation that underwear are indeed holy garments. I took up the study of geneoloy and discovered that my great, great uncle that was never baptised by full emersion. Wanting to save him from hell fire because he was a Jack Mormon, I decide to be baptised for him, and it came to pass that I was fully emersed after the manner of full emersion, after the manner of baptisim, for my dead great, great uncle. So I know the church of Zelph is true.
Date & Time: Monday 01st of August 2005 03:48:07 PM
Name: Mike Norton
Location: Layton, Utard
Testimony: This \"Book of Zelph\" goes against everything I believe. I will not read it in MY house. I will not read it with a mouse. I will not read it in a box. I will not read it with Vivica A. Fox.
Wait, scratch that last one. She\'s pretty hot. I WOULD read it if you could hook me up with her.
Norton
Date & Time: Tuesday 02nd of August 2005 07:55:32 PM
Name: Sanford Loobins
Location: Reality
Testimony: Hey loser.... I\'m gonna start a webpage like yours.... It will be called www.imaloserandhavealotoftimeandnogirlfriend.com
Date & Time: Tuesday 02nd of August 2005 07:57:37 PM
Name: Ima crappyProgrammer
Location: future
Testimony: I think maybe I will use my talents and energies to show my extreme imaturity and lack of character. Oh, maybe not it looks like the admin of this site is already doing that.....
Date & Time: Tuesday 02nd of August 2005 08:05:59 PM
Name: Josh Anderson
Location: Fantasy Land
Testimony: I believe in masturbating as much as I can. I have no life. I sit in my room all day feeling sorry for myself because I am a pathetic human being. I may get enough courage on day to actually do some intellectual reading. Oh no, maybe not, I might have to go to the library and they won\'t let me in with all of the vaseline on my hands..... What am I to do? Oh, maybe I can rdcule someone\'s religion. Oh yeah, I\'ll do that. Pass the porn password and the vaseline!
Date & Time: Tuesday 02nd of August 2005 08:07:57 PM
Name: Josh Anderson
Location: Rainbow Flag Guy
Testimony: I am a fag. I got kicked out of the mormon church for kissing other men. So now I am a poopy pants cry baby with marginal programming skills. Boo Hoo.... Don\'t you feel sorry for me? I am mad. Maybe I\'ll make a webpage about it.... Yeah. I am a winner!
Date & Time: Tuesday 02nd of August 2005 08:10:00 PM
Name: Josh Anderson
Location: 5th grade was hard
Testimony: When I was in 5th grade people used to beat me up! So now I am 30 and still play dungeons and Dragons. I am mad. I am sad. Pass the 8 sided dice and I will slay the mormon drgaon with neat little webpage.....
Date & Time: Wednesday 03rd of August 2005 07:10:45 AM
Name: Josh ANderson
Location: My mom\'s basement
Testimony: I am 30 and I still live at home with my mommy. I saved up money I stole out of her purse to buy a \"PHP for dummies\" book. Now I can show the world cool I am!
Date & Time: Wednesday 03rd of August 2005 09:01:05 PM
Name: Josh Anderson
Location: Chupacabra\'s Lair
Testimony: I am anvid gamer. I don\'t need a real girlfriend. I hav a virtual one online. It is awsome. I just spank my monkey and imagine one day actually talking to a girl. I am a WINNER!
Date & Time: Wednesday 03rd of August 2005 09:22:32 PM
Name: the captian
Location: closer to home
Testimony: See.. proof that Josh Anderson could not have written such a masterpiece as the book of Zelph.. I mean com\'n the guys surely not worthy of the elite halls of modern morman scribes and pharisees. Josh Anderson is the new prophet of the great white mormon religion!! I belive Josh.. I believe!!
Date & Time: Wednesday 03rd of August 2005 09:34:32 PM
Name: In Awe
Location: on my way
Testimony: I believe Josh Anderson should have 40 wives, one third of them should be underage, and another third of them should be married to other men. That way Josh can be just like Joseph Smith! The \"\"Real Prophet\"\" of the real one and only true religion.
I am convinced this is true because, I saw Holy underwear at the Victoria\'s Secret website and had a revelation.
Date & Time: Friday 05th of August 2005 09:11:39 AM
Name: true believer
Location: hieing to kolob in my space capsule
Testimony: Only the TRUTH and the TRUE PROPHET get persecuted - that PROVES it is true! Josh Anderson is a modern day prophet and The Book of Zelph is true because they are now being PERSECUTED by Satan\'s minions (who will burn in hell for their unbelief). I testify in the name of Zelph. Amen.
Date & Time: Friday 05th of August 2005 09:56:16 PM
Name: Jozelph Smiff
Location: Salt Lake City
Testimony: How darre sum pepol critizize Josh Andursun who is a tru profete.
We ar smart and know that the Book of Zelph is tru. And why do we say that??? Anser??? Because we do.
And the very fact that we don\'t doubt it also pruves it. So there.
So the next time you doubt that Josh is a profete, jus ask him and he\'ll tell you so, just like Joseph Smith did. How can you argu with that sorta logic???
God spoke to Josh and I am one of those witnesses that bares my testeemony.
And you can tell that I\'m a Zelphite because of my great spellin...just like the poeople of that other relijun that crizicize and doubt ares.
All you who doubt Josh will probly burn in hell and are majur masterbaiters. Cause you can\'t simply doubt us and be normul.
House that for logic???
I say these things because there tru.
Thank you. Nuff said.
Date & Time: Saturday 06th of August 2005 03:47:35 AM
Name: LeahHona
Location: VA
Testimony: Choose ye this day who ye will serve...as for me and my house, I will serve the Book of Zelph. Hosanna and Hallelujah to Zelph and Melph! Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna!!
Date & Time: Saturday 06th of August 2005 05:25:39 PM
Name: Great white hope
Location: Superiour MT
Testimony: How can anyone doubt the book of Zelph? It was written on plates. How do you explian the Zelph cravings? How do you explain, the testemony of so many believers who also bear wittness? How do you explain anything? How do you explain how to explain? How do you explain all the \"it came to pass\" statements and other Biblical language used throughout the book of Zelph? How did I get here to bear testimony... nothing is by accident you know.. so how do you explain that? How do those little ships get inside bottles? If you can explain that, how can you expect to explain anything? How come women like arrogant rough guys instead of whimpy wuss\'s who are soooo nice. Huh? tell me that one! I don\'t have to explain anything.. the book of Zelph has all the answers.. so shut the f... up!
Date & Time: Saturday 06th of August 2005 10:57:47 PM
Name: Bammer
Location: Orange County
Testimony: I know Josh Anderson is a true and living prophet, seer, and revelator-type-of-guy. And that the Book of Zelph is true. The spirit, a spirit, some kind of spirit, maybe it\'s more like a feeling-spirit. Anyway, something in my heart tells me this story is true. Truer than true. I\'m so grateful that Josh sacrificed so much of himself to bring this book forth. Praise to the man!
Date & Time: Wednesday 10th of August 2005 09:25:17 AM
Name: Molly
Location: Provo, UT
Testimony: I can\'t believe that I have been so blessed as to recieve the word of Zelph! *sob* I know that the book is true and anyone who mocks it is a tool of Satan! I will follow Zelph for eternity!!!
For I have recieved the burning and know that the Book of Zelph is true!!
Date & Time: Saturday 13th of August 2005 02:26:57 PM
Name: star in the sky
Location: above the center of the earth
Testimony: I am here to bear my testimony of the truthfulness of The Book of Zelph. I know it is just as true as the book of Moron.
Date & Time: Sunday 14th of August 2005 12:48:59 PM
Name: Chris
Location: Germany
Testimony: I testify that The Book of Zelph is truly the word of Josh. He was inspired no question about it. At first I was a little leary about the dice but after rolling 20 or 30 times, the truthfulness of the book was revealed and I could not deny it. Now I must go and begin my work on designing the new and everlasting Zelphish temple. Even so, Amen.
Date & Time: Monday 15th of August 2005 09:23:24 PM
Name: Jozelph Smiff
Location: Parvo, Utah
Testimony: All theze grate testemonies give me hart burn, I mean a burning in my hart, a burning in my busum.
Now I know that the Book of Zelph is trur than when I knew it was relly tru evun befor.
All thoze who agree that Josh is a tru profete signify by a show of hands...all thoze appozed????
I dident think so.
Now I know all this is tru even further.
Why even vote? Who\'d have the guts to appoze all thats tru?
Josh is a tru profete and revlonator.
I dont know about yu guys, but I feel like donning my plain borin white shirt and hokee tie, getting on my trisickle, plasturing that nobodeez home smile on my face and evangulizin the wurld.
Date & Time: Friday 19th of August 2005 04:42:03 PM
Name: all knowing one
Location: everywhere
Testimony: God is constantly communicating with you. If you can hear her, turn up your hear-aid! That\'s not static. it\'s saying.zellphhh..zelph.. zzzzeellllph
Date & Time: Friday 19th of August 2005 07:01:53 PM
Name: your mamma!
Location: telephone booth
Testimony: So what commandment of Josh\'s couldn\'t you live?
I hope it doesn\'t take a tragedy to get you to repent.
You still know it\'s true!
I\'m so dissapointed in you. What\'s wrong with you?\"
I don\'t believe any of those anti-Zelph lies. The Book of Zelph is true and that makes the church true - don\'t make excuses.
I\'ve had too many spiritual experiences with the Book of Zelph to ever deny it.
When things get really hard in your life, you\'ll come back.
Date & Time: Monday 29th of August 2005 11:34:31 PM
Name: Anti-Anti-mormon
Location: California
Testimony: Must feel good to bing down someone else's religion.
Date & Time: Sunday 04th of September 2005 01:51:11 PM
Name: Sir feelsrealgood
Location: Babaylonian pleasure garden
Testimony: yes.. I cannot tell you how much I enjoy bashing anti anti mormons
Date & Time: Tuesday 06th of September 2005 07:37:06 PM
Name: Uppin' the anti
Location: California
Testimony: It only feels good if it leads you into using your God given mind and not being so gullible as to believe outlandish lies like the Garden of Eden is in Missouri, or a skeleton found by Joseph Smith was some guy named Zelph, or the Book of Abraham or the Book of Mormon which have no archaelogical basis is fact...simply because Joseph Smith said so. Then yes, that would make me feel good.
Cause then you'd be on your way from self-imposed darkness, just because you believe in man named Joseph Smith, and on your way to turning your heart and your head to the truth of God and His proven Word, your supposed Saviour, Jesus Christ.
Date & Time: Thursday 15th of September 2005 10:27:36 AM
Name: Jake
Location: toilet of toilets, armpit of armpits
Testimony: i dont understand why people get on here complaining about us bringing their religion down.. dont they see? their religion brought itself down, into long dark years of apostacy. Zelph is merely a restoration of the truth! i promise with all my soul, heart, and scrotum, nowhere else in the world can you find a logical explanation for the lack of semitic DNA in native americans. Only through Zelph. I know, cuz it changed my life, i stopped thinking logically, and began to understand that only when quakers live on the moon will i be redeemed. In the name of poopie pie, amen.
Date & Time: Thursday 15th of September 2005 10:28:14 AM
Name: Jake
Location: toilet of toilets, armpit of armpits
Testimony: i dont understand why people get on here complaining about us bringing their religion down.. dont they see? their religion brought itself down, into long dark years of apostacy. Zelph is merely a restoration of the truth! i promise with all my soul, heart, and scrotum, nowhere else in the world can you find a logical explanation for the lack of semitic DNA in native americans. Only through Zelph. I know, cuz it changed my life, i stopped thinking logically, and began to understand that only when quakers live on the moon will i be redeemed. In the name of poopie pie, amen.
Date & Time: Saturday 17th of September 2005 11:45:57 AM
Name: Lil Stevie Smith, age 4
Location: Testimony Meeting
Testimony: uhm, (a child is lifted by his mom, up towards a pulpit, sound of microphone being lowered to toddler level, slight static, then a breif humming sound, followed by the sound of whispered suggested sayings) uhm, I wuv my sister and my brufah, I wuv my pawents, I wuv the gospel and the choich, I know my hevny fadur wuvs me, and i know the book of zeff is true, uhm, (very quickly)name jesus christ amen.
Date & Time: Thursday 22nd of September 2005 01:29:27 PM
Name: Roberto
Location: Tennessee
Testimony: The Book of Zelph is one of those rare occasions where the sequal is actually better than the original. Seriously.
Date & Time: Wednesday 28th of September 2005 12:19:29 PM
Name: Donottaketheredpill
Location: Exmormon.com
Testimony: For it came to pass that I The red Pill did laugh out loud at the great webpage that Joe did create from the plates of leather that his father did create from thin air. And Therefore It came to pass that is was struck dumb by the great and abomitable chruch of Joe Smith. And it came to pass after reading zelph he has made me whole. For it came to pass, Yeah I was excedingly happy yeah.
Date & Time: Sunday 02nd of October 2005 12:57:19 AM
Name: Tyler
Location: Utah
Testimony: It is sad to me that the author of this website would mock such sacred things. And to quote things of that have never been said by those who were quoted. I hope nobody takes this serious.
Date & Time: Sunday 02nd of October 2005 01:04:18 PM
Name: Paying tithingmyway
Location: bathroom stall
Testimony: Yes ..underwear are indeed sacred things.. and so are golden idols on top of great works of architecture.. who cares if joe smith slept with other men's wives and underage girls.. (by which he died a real public execution).. and to mock that marvaleous work and wonder is really sad... sniff...
Date & Time: Tuesday 04th of October 2005 03:30:13 PM
Name: Joseph Smith, Jr.
Location: Polygamy paradise just left of Xenu
Testimony: "Emma, stop being such a bitch and let me stuff as many buxom teenagers that I can get my hands on." Thus saith the Lord.
Date & Time: Wednesday 05th of October 2005 06:01:55 PM
Name: Martin Banks
Location:
Testimony: As one of the four witnesses I would be remiss if I didn't add my own testimony of the truthfulness of this great and marvelous work. I have read this book 8 times now, and the more I read the Book of Zelph, the more true I know it is. Josh Anderson has brought forth this amazing record of real Indians who used to live on this continent for the benefit of this generation. I know this book is true with every fiber of my being. Please read this book and roll the dice on its truthfulness. You won't be sorry, I promise.
Date & Time: Friday 14th of October 2005 10:58:58 AM
Name: P. Hilton
Location: Paris
Testimony: As many of you know, I own a largest fleet of cruise ships in the world and I am so certain that the Book of Zelph is true that I make sure a copy of the Book of Zelph is in every cabin on every ship in the fleet. Many people who came aboard my ships for a pleasure cruise confessed to me that while watching the porn which I provide (for only $4.95 per day) picked up the Book of Zelph and couldn't put it down for the whole cruise. Many even took the book with them to the ships liquor bar to read while getting sauced. They then started to feel warm all over and got a buzzing in the bosom and then went into the ships casino to down a few more shots and then roll the dice according to Melph's promise and verily all of them were amazed and fell down upon the floor as if they were dead. The started to stink so the crew took them to their cabins for the night. When they awoke the next day they all confessed that they had seen Zelph and that they had the worst hangover that they had ever had. They all came to my suite and shouted with one voice, "Yea, verily we know that Zelph was a prophet and that the Book of Zelph is true. Josh Anderson is Zelph's chosen leader in this dispensation We further promise by before the angels and these witnesses that we will bury all our porn and alcohol in the ground even though we will continue to sell it in our stores. Amen.
I am grateful to be an instrument in the hands of Zelph by helping to convert many to the gospel of Zelph by keeping Book of Zelphs on my ships. It is strange how our company revenues drop when I bring souls to Zelph but I know that I one day I will stand on a mountain with beautiful feet and that will be enough for me.
Date & Time: Friday 14th of October 2005 10:59:09 AM
Name: P. Hilton
Location: Paris
Testimony: As many of you know, I own a largest fleet of cruise ships in the world and I am so certain that the Book of Zelph is true that I make sure a copy of the Book of Zelph is in every cabin on every ship in the fleet. Many people who came aboard my ships for a pleasure cruise confessed to me that while watching the porn which I provide (for only $4.95 per day) picked up the Book of Zelph and couldn't put it down for the whole cruise. Many even took the book with them to the ships liquor bar to read while getting sauced. They then started to feel warm all over and got a buzzing in the bosom and then went into the ships casino to down a few more shots and then roll the dice according to Melph's promise and verily all of them were amazed and fell down upon the floor as if they were dead. The started to stink so the crew took them to their cabins for the night. When they awoke the next day they all confessed that they had seen Zelph and that they had the worst hangover that they had ever had. They all came to my suite and shouted with one voice, "Yea, verily we know that Zelph was a prophet and that the Book of Zelph is true. Josh Anderson is Zelph's chosen leader in this dispensation We further promise by before the angels and these witnesses that we will bury all our porn and alcohol in the ground even though we will continue to sell it in our stores. Amen.
I am grateful to be an instrument in the hands of Zelph by helping to convert many to the gospel of Zelph by keeping Book of Zelphs on my ships. It is strange how our company revenues drop when I bring souls to Zelph but I know that I one day I will stand on a mountain with beautiful feet and that will be enough for me.
Date & Time: Wednesday 02nd of November 2005 01:25:28 AM
Name: CAPTAIN MORONI
Location: BOISE IDAHO
Testimony: YOU WILL BE PUNISHED FOR EVIL SPEAKING OF THE LORDS ANOINTED!!!!
I must admit at first I was very skeptical, but in time and with the help of much study, prayer, and dice rolling I have come to know the Book of Zelph to be true. Besides with all of the Anti-Zelph postings here on this site it just proves that the Book of Zelph is true! And that Josh Anderson is a true prophet! I would ask all of the detractors here; how could someone with a 5th grade education that works at Chuck-E-Cheese make something like this up? Think about it. It’s impossible; and that’s precisely why I know it’s true! Listen up all you mean spirited Anti-Zelph jerks out there. Why do you spend so much time tearing down the faith of others? Haven’t you got anything better to do? What SIN have you committed that will not allow you to roll the dice and find out the truth for yourself? You’re sins have darkened your minds. I would exhort you to REPENT and roll the dice, so that you too can enjoy the happiness that comes from living the gospel found in the book of Zelph.
Date & Time: Monday 07th of November 2005 02:11:09 PM
Name: Skeptic
Location: Arizona
Testimony: My first encounter with the book of Zelph came apponst my time in the hospital when I was diagnosed with skepticism. Now, as a believer in Zelph, I have more time to spend with my family, more money than I know what to do with, and a sports car with a name I can't pronounce. I never thought that signing up only three people under me would bear such amazing results. Thank you Zelph.
Date & Time: Monday 07th of November 2005 07:44:47 PM
Name: Gordon B. Hinckley
Location: Salt Lake City
Testimony: The Book of Zelph is a prophetic piece of work. It proves that the Book of Mormon is true. The Nephites were righteous and the opposition was evil. This book is evidence that the Book of Mormon is true. Well-done Josh! The lord will bless you as a true Prophet just as Joseph Smith was a true Prophet.
Date & Time: Thursday 10th of November 2005 12:37:48 PM
Name: Mormon "Scholar"
Location: BYU Department of Apologetics
Testimony: The Book of Zelph has come forth at a crucial time for the church. As the church struggles with DNA issues, lack of archeological evidence, etc, the Book of Zelph acts as a second witness to show the world that mormons aren't crazy for thinking these things. You see, there is another book with Nephites and Lamanites. We now know why the modern Lamanites have Asian DNA, because the Asian Whores drowned out the Israelite DNA by being whores with the Lamanites. The wors horse really was just a minor translation error as we now have proof the ancient americans rode deer and tapirs. The Book of Zelph should be requred readong for any mormon scholar.
Date & Time: Sunday 27th of November 2005 10:08:07 PM
Name: toweli
Location: south park
Testimony: wanna get high?
Date & Time: Friday 16th of December 2005 07:09:51 AM
Name: NERMORA
Location: HAMTON
Testimony: I Nermora Hamton do add utno the Book of Zelph
comming as an angel on the compture even before a computer is being born - year Behold I Nermora did hear from Paul in heaven After I being cursed with black skin do write a few words to the book of Zelph my Father who rejected me and word not let me write. For I encourage you who believe - take you a pillow and rub your penis on it - and be hold you shall see cum even as people have said in the churches the holy spirit is like spirm,
therefore enlighten yourself with this epistle for I bare witness that Every Kindered tonuge and people shall proclaim of its proceedings- farewell
Date & Time: Saturday 17th of December 2005 12:02:25 AM
Name: Joe C. Ah
Location: San Diego
Testimony: Working class of the world, unite! How much longer will we allow the elitist, spoiled, worthless, snobby, and foul smelling American aristicracy to rule over us? Boycott the Capitalist swine! Down with the free market!
Date & Time: Saturday 24th of December 2005 09:53:15 PM
Name: ray
Location: cafornia
Testimony: the auther(s) of this garbage would not know the truth if if it bite him or her probably "an it(s)" or "fag(s)", on their nasty smelling butt. I sugest you get yourself a Book of Mormon, read it and pray to God that he will forgive you for your blatant stupidity. And while you are reading the book of Mormon I recamend that you also read and compare it to the king james bible. I you are very lucky God will forgive and pure out a blessing that will include the knowledge that teh Book of Mormon came forth from God. Now get to work you have a lot of work to do repenting and reading. There is not not much time left for people like you.
Date & Time: Tuesday 27th of December 2005 11:52:22 AM
Name: Leonard
Location: 506 Walnut Street Dowagiac Michigian
Testimony: Hello, Praise be to thee - I believe in the Book of Zelph - and I wanted to know if you could send me the book in the mail if you can my adreess and such is 506 WALNUT STREET DOWAGIAC MICIGIAN 49047, because I am srating a new religion and I need that book so write to me this is a real adreess or anyone who has something similar to the work wirte to me, and I will accept any book other then the book of mormon
Date & Time: Thursday 05th of January 2006 10:43:30 PM
Name: Cartman
Location: South Park
Testimony: Even I think this is stupid....
Date & Time: Thursday 05th of January 2006 10:55:40 PM
Name: meyoff, Jack
Location: poopsville
Testimony: Guess what guys, it's already been done, but this is one of the best sites iv'e been to today. Very funny. Your like the moddern J.R.R Tolkein, He got his ideas for middle earth from the book of mormon too. I like your book, but I also like the book of mormon. There both good, but yours is fiction.
Date & Time: Friday 06th of January 2006 03:35:31 PM
Name: josh anderson
Location: my butt hole
Testimony: I know this crap is true cause I wrote it. I believe in anything, even the time the doctor told me I was a man, although I dont have a penis. Then the doctor touched me saying zelph over and over. Any way long story short, Im Gay ! In the name of my doctor...amen!
Date & Time: Friday 06th of January 2006 07:56:43 PM
Name: Theodore Nugent
Location: Detroit, Michigan
Testimony: I would like to bury my testimony that the Book of Zelph is the word of God and anyone who readeth the book and masturbateth not shall receive what is wanted through the veil by bowing his head and saying yes.
The Book of Zelph is true because the Smithsonian Institute and Americans for Tax Reform (Grover Norquist, president) have written letters saying so. The Church of Zelph of Latter-day Saints is the fastest growing church on the face of the earth.
Isaythesethingsinthenameofjesuschristamen.
Date & Time: Friday 06th of January 2006 08:06:25 PM
Name: The Kraut Pope
Location: Vatican City
Testimony: This is the best religious satire I have seen in a long time. The author deserves our thanks for being able to ridicule a major American religion in a creative, unique way.
Date & Time: Friday 06th of January 2006 08:11:44 PM
Name: Nominal Mormon
Location: Utah
Testimony: Websites like this must be having a huge impact on the LDS Church's efforts to recruit and retain members. I have to wonder if the prophet, seer, and revelator saw this coming.
I live in a new neighborhood in west Salt Lake Valley, and many of the families moving in tell the local ward people that they are not members and don't want to be bothered. However, about half of them really are members but were hoping to disconnect from the church when they moved to their new neighborhood.
Date & Time: Friday 06th of January 2006 09:48:55 PM
Name: the scarecrow
Location: just off the yellow brick road
Testimony: suck me josh anderson, that's right! I went there!
Date & Time: Friday 06th of January 2006 09:58:46 PM
Name: Micheal Jackson
Location: Never Land
Testimony: Hey Joshie, Long time no peekie. Guess I screwed you up big time. Nahahaha, get it? SCREWED.
Date & Time: Friday 06th of January 2006 10:06:54 PM
Name: Xena warrior princess
Location: not utah
Testimony: uuh humm, I killed Zelph back in the day. There for this crap is crap. AHHYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYA!
Date & Time: Saturday 07th of January 2006 12:26:58 AM
Name: Konggongula
Location: zifferu
Testimony: when I came flying out of the jungle that one stormy night there was HE yes he the one we shall not speek of cuz he is the one that touhes our boys and stays away from our girls, but yet we threw him off a cliff and was thinking he was dead, but we thought wrong, I walked in my suns room there he was banging my son!!!
so I grabed the basterd and shuved my foot up his ass but yet it seemed he loved it cuz he gave out a little giggle.
then I threw him out the window.
Date & Time: Saturday 07th of January 2006 12:29:43 AM
Name: josh anderson
Location: hehehehehehehe
Testimony: I pluck and shave my pewbs!!!!
Date & Time: Saturday 07th of January 2006 05:31:03 PM
Name: sdffbfsd
Location: sfbtbdff
Testimony: ggbgggffcdddssaqwdderffhhfgt
Date & Time: Wednesday 11th of January 2006 12:58:07 PM
Name: THE APOSTLE PETER TEACHER OF THE BOOK,
Location: HEAVEN VISITING EARTH TO COMMISSION
Testimony: In the name of the Father, son- and Holy Ghost and of the comming forth iof Joshua anderson I want to tell you how much interesting truth it is, that my eyes have seen the Box of Scripture which had the leather plates, in it tide to the Penuma.
I delcare then that I give heed to those who deny it. Those who deni it are manily those at WWW.THENEWNATIONOFISALM.COM
OR .ORG. Go and tell all of your people to make war with the man who calls himself the son of man, which he is not but a spirit of Anti-christ, which was spoken of in Melph 2:10. And book of Pomes 1:8. Now I would really like you to go to WWW.NEWNATIONOFISLAM.ORG
so you can destroy him for the better, and please publish the book of Zelph becaue I can only read but a few words. And if ye can I believe that there must come forth a religion from this, and I wanted to bare my testimony that the book is true; and I did role the disce and behold I did overcome the tempation of not believing it, with the number seven of the Dice, and it tells all men everywhere to read it and then take your penis, and thus move your penis on a pillow and you will find the seed of Zelph there. And it shall feel good and I hopest that Johusa Anderson does see this; and Knows that whatsoever things are honest pure, and of good report think on these things - and it shall be noticeable among all people nations tounges and tribles that Joshua Anderson shall have a Church called THE CHURCH OF OUR HEAVENLY FATHER OF THE OMEGA SAINTS WITH MORMON INTREST.
Date & Time: Wednesday 11th of January 2006 01:12:15 PM
Name: BROTHER JOHN
Location: THE CHURCH OF OUR HEAVENLY FATHER 3016
Testimony: READ THE BOOK AND THUS I TELL THEE TO MAKE IT, AND THEN TELL TELL THOSE WHO SAYS THEY WANT IT, YEA IN OTHER WORDS PUT YOUR BOOK ON STOCK IN YOUR CHURCH, USING THE MONEY WE GIVE UNTO YOU TO MAKE BOOKS FOR MANY BE THERE WHO ARE MAKING THINGS LIKE YOU DO; AND CAN ADD TO IT SO PLEASE WE BEG OF THEE LORD JESUS CONVICT JOSHUA ANDERSON TO MAKE THIS BOOK AND PUBLISH IT FOR HIS FOLLOWERS FOR IN OUR CHURCH WE CANNOT HAVE HEAR MANY COMPUTERS FOR OUR FOLLOWERS BECAUSE THEY BE KISSING AND LOOKEST AT PORN WHICH IS AGAINST YOUR TEACHING IS IT NOT? FOR IF IT BE ON THE COMPUTER OUR MINDS WILL GO SOMEWHERE ELSE SO MY BELOVED ONE OF THE CHURCH OF OUR HEAVENLY FATHER; I ASK OF THEE TO HAVE THIS NAME WHICH NO MAN HAS YET HAD; AND IT IS NOT HEAR TODAY; AND I WAS THERE WHEN YOU HAD SEEN MY AFFILCTIONS AND I DID READ VOLUME 2 OF THE HISTORY OF THE CHURCH; AND I DID SEEE THE GOLDEN BRASS AND PENUMA TIED TO IT; THE PENUMA MEANS INSPIRED. SO LET GOD CONVICT YOU TO TODAY; EVEN SHOWING A PICTURE OF YOU LIKE UNTO JESUS; FOR I HAVE NOT KNOWN YOU; BUT I DO KNOW THIS THAT YOU HAVE GRAYISH EYES DON'T YOU? AND BLACK SHORT HAIR, AND PINK LIPS, AND ARE A FAIR ONE RIGHT? THEREFORE WHERE A JAMES BOND TYPE CLOTHES AND HOLDING YOUR MANUSCRIPTES WITH LIGHTS AROUND ABOUT YOU; WITH ALSO YOU LOOKING LEFT; AND HAVING YOUR BOOK OR MANUSCRIPTS FACING YOUR LEFT WAY OF LOOKING AS TO GIVE IT TO SOMEONE. YET YOUR BODY; BEING FACED WHERE ONE CAN SEE YOUR CHEST; OR FRONT PART OF YOUR BODY; I DID SEE THIS IN A VISION AND I KNOW THAT IS HOW YOU LOOK. AND YOU SHOULD ALSO HAVE FAIR WOMEN HAVING ON READ CLOTHING HAFE ON AND WITH BUSHY BLOND HAIR; FOR I DID SEE THE VISION OF YOU SPEAKING TO ME AND SAID "HEAR TAKE UP THIS BOOK AND EAEST IT LIKE HONEY FOR IT IS GOOD; AND I DID EAT AND IT WAS LIKE MILK BUT SOUR UNTO MY SOUL.
Date & Time: Wednesday 11th of January 2006 01:16:32 PM
Name: YOMOR
Location:
Testimony: I AM A GUY, YET IF I DID SEE HIM I WOULD HAVE SEX WITH HIM AND SUCK HIS DICK BECAUSE HIS BOOK IS TRUE AND IT MAKES ME HONREY AND I DO NOT LIEKST IT.
Date & Time: Wednesday 11th of January 2006 01:18:57 PM
Name: MICHICAL JACKSON
Location: SOUTBEND
Testimony: YOU SHOULD CALL IT THE BOOK OF ELMORE; BECAUSE REMEMBER ACCORDING TO DOCTRINE AND COVENANTS
JOSEPH SMITH FIRST PUBLISHED THE BOOK AS THE BOOK OF LEHI AND THEN CHANGED IT TO THE BOOK OF MORMON; JUST A SUJESTION; BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE TO ME THAT THE BOOK OF ELMORE SUPPORTS WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO DO; GET IT "ELMORE?" or EVERMORE.
Date & Time: Wednesday 11th of January 2006 01:52:32 PM
Name: Vill suck yodick
Location: Utah
Testimony: I want to suck your dick
Date & Time: Sunday 15th of January 2006 10:38:03 PM
Name: ice
Location: ice
Testimony: ice
Date & Time: Sunday 15th of January 2006 10:39:04 PM
Name: fire
Location: fire
Testimony: fire
Date & Time: Sunday 15th of January 2006 10:42:32 PM
Name: Rocky Anderson
Location: Federal Heights, SLC, UT
Testimony: Gosh, you are really sensetive to all cultures. I really want to support your website. I think it is cool when others make a mockery of what so many people struggled and died for. Yeah. I will make a website mocking a book of sacred scripture. I am one cool guy....
Date & Time: Monday 16th of January 2006 02:22:58 PM
Name: The Great White Dope
Location: Nowhere'sville
Testimony: Remember that time we made out? That was a "gay" ol' time! This website is made from the blood, sweat, and tears of an unfortunately mentally ill, emotionally unstable and yes... a little gay... moron! Even though some of it is pretty funny, how do you expect to ever land a decent guy if you spend all your time on this work of "greatness?" Idiot. I know that's not a complete sentence but... idiot!
Date & Time: Monday 16th of January 2006 02:33:34 PM
Name: Fizgig
Location: Dumpville
Testimony: I have a Q-tip stuck in my crack! My face is like duck! I can't even wait for steak! Oh, and spring! If I had a dollar you can dance a jig! Light up another one cause the cows are swollen and the sun's coming up on the cabbage farm! Let's pour one on the curb for the money makin playas that ain't wit us no mo! Give a man a fish and he'll probably drown... give him two fish and he'll live like royalty in the land 'o plenty for the rest of his days! Can't you smell the colors? They are like a deer with lice and there's nothing you can do about it because you can't help them if they don't want to helpthemselves quit smoking!
Date & Time: Monday 23rd of January 2006 11:20:35 AM
Name: Zelph
Location: CHURCH OF LIFE
Testimony: Dear Joshua Anderson you help suceed Moses, and was a help, therefore even as Joseph smith represented different Josephs in the Bible you should get a bible dictanary, and find all of the Joshuas in the bible and retanslate it with the strongs conclusive contordance of hebrew and greek and for each book of Joshua, or each joshua verse and saying you could translate the King James version into your own words. This is from THE CHURCH OF LIFE, I am not Zelph,
but a ex- mormon kinds man of mine as we were huging each other on the coch watching t.v. and laughing at south -park when they did a show with Joseph Smith
and Jesus and Budda and muhammed and all relgious founders I wish they had charlse T. Russle but he would of been fighting Jesus instead. Anyway I am a pastor at CHURCH OF LIVE, and I wanted to know if you could send me that book, I could be like how King James got the King James Bible and the Epistle of James was though in it but they did not carry the same meaning
at all. Because Iam going to be The King Zelph or Prince Zelph
and tell people at my Church that I found a book with my name on it. Send the book to 3016 Wood Wridge AVE.
Southbend, IN 466-15-3811 A Mexican
American Church of Life group
Date & Time: Monday 23rd of January 2006 11:20:46 AM
Name: Zelph
Location: CHURCH OF LIFE
Testimony: Dear Joshua Anderson you help suceed Moses, and was a help, therefore even as Joseph smith represented different Josephs in the Bible you should get a bible dictanary, and find all of the Joshuas in the bible and retanslate it with the strongs conclusive contordance of hebrew and greek and for each book of Joshua, or each joshua verse and saying you could translate the King James version into your own words. This is from THE CHURCH OF LIFE, I am not Zelph,
but a ex- mormon kinds man of mine as we were huging each other on the coch watching t.v. and laughing at south -park when they did a show with Joseph Smith
and Jesus and Budda and muhammed and all relgious founders I wish they had charlse T. Russle but he would of been fighting Jesus instead. Anyway I am a pastor at CHURCH OF LIVE, and I wanted to know if you could send me that book, I could be like how King James got the King James Bible and the Epistle of James was though in it but they did not carry the same meaning
at all. Because Iam going to be The King Zelph or Prince Zelph
and tell people at my Church that I found a book with my name on it. Send the book to 3016 Wood Wridge AVE.
Southbend, IN 466-15-3811 A Mexican
American Church of Life group
Date & Time: Monday 23rd of January 2006 11:27:07 AM
Name: LEONARD
Location: MCNEAL
Testimony: Joshua Anderson if you are hear, or if anyone is about to make a testimony which some of you are probably at work or school now. But I know Joshua Anderson is a high school drop out but iam not I wanted to know if you see this today write back, or if any one sees this please let me know Iam not the only one who found this please write and say hello or something to let me know someone is still esting on hear now. When you go to personal testinonies on your own web let me know. And Also Josh how long did it take you to make the book of Zelph or your friends if they are keeping watch say something on hear I want to tell you of a book.
Date & Time: Tuesday 24th of January 2006 10:49:06 AM
Name: hmero
Location: femwo nfg
Testimony: Dear Joshua andwerson i WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU COULD SAY SOMETHING ON THIS LINE ON PERSONAL TESTIMONIES BECAUSE I WANT OFO MCALL 1269-477-98-57
Date & Time: Friday 27th of January 2006 12:55:31 AM
Name: Jozelph Smiff
Location: Parvo, Utah
Testimony: I've red quit a few e-mails criticizin ar grate leder, Josh Andersun.
Mostly they say he is gay and then they giv exzamples of his gayness with such grate detail (oh oh I said tail, I hope those righters that accuze Josh of being gay dont get exzited) that it makes me wunder if they have first hand experiunz.
I mean come on guyz, Josh is a profete. He said so himself, just like Jozeph Smith. Can't you all jus accept that??
And it came to pass that it came to pass that the Book of Zelph was a tru testeemony of what Josh beleaves is tru. Just like the Book of Mormon, it's another testeemony...just not filled with so meny incredibal battlez, pretensis "and it came to passes" but it does have that old Englush feel to it, doez uze the word ado a few timez, as well az have quit a few anacrownizms in it just like the other inspired wurk the BOM...yah gotta admit that. It sounds right to me.
So all gays out there who accuz Josh of bein gay, be eazy on him and don't get exzited. I didnt mean in a gay way.
Josh is not gay, he'z a profete.
I say theze thingz cause there tru.
Date & Time: Tuesday 31st of January 2006 12:59:21 PM
Name: BOB SMITH
Location: ERWE
Testimony: Jesus christ came and died on the cross so that Josh Andwerson cOULD MAKE US LORDS. Because of Josh Anderson I came be like Yig Pig
and I know that when Josh Anderson was in his mother womb God caused him to publish this book one day according to this prophecy as a commandment 2007 yea for those who praise Tiger Lilly, and Melzph yea I did role the dice and it was the number 7 and yea I did get money to know about wwww. The Book of Zelph." Abd I do ask of thee Josh Anderson if you will allow us to make this book? I wwant pemission. Now ALL i know is that when Josh Anderson was 12 years of age he begin to question if he was gay or not. And he did not know if his gayness would change so he begin to question God. And God said "No, Gays do not exist," showing him diffent Scriptures
dances with whomever came to him and showed him scriptures but it was different from Our Bibles LEVTICUS 18:22-23 "YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO BE LAYING WITH MAN, OR ATTRTIVE TO MEN AS WITH WOMEN.
I HATE THAT SIN DEARLY BUT I LOVE THE SINER.
Then he read to Josh Anderson Romans 1:20 "THEREFORE TAKING IN OF MAN WITH MAN, BEAT WITH BEAST LEAVING GOD AND GOING UNTO IDOALS IN WHICH YOU SHOULD NOT BE FORGIVEN BUT I TELL THEE THAT GOD LOVES YOU, AND YOU ARE WITH OUT MAKING BLAMES." And he read a scripture on that date
that says "Brethren if a man be overtaken in a fault, restore such a onein the spirit of meekness-considering thy self least thou also be temped." -GALATIANS 6:1 So Josh Anderson did as Paul said "To consider himself," and went On the evening of the . . . 2nd of May [2004] . . . I was sitting in bed, after a long shift at Chuck-E-Cheese's, reading The History of the Church Volume 2. While reading, I came upon a passage by Joseph Smith concerning the discovery of the remains of the great white Lamanite warrior named Zelph:
"The brethren procured a shovel and a hoe, and removing the earth to the depth of about one foot, discovered the skeleton of a man, almost entire, and between his ribs the stone point of a Lamanitish arrow, which evidently produced his death. Elder Burr Riggs retained the arrow. The contemplation of the scenery around us produced peculiar sensations in our bosoms: and subsequently the visions of the past being opened to my understanding by the Spirit of the Almighty, I discovered that the person whose skeleton was before us was a white Lamanite, a large, thick-set man, and a man of God. His name was Zelph.
"He was a warrior and chieftain under the great prophet Onandagus, who was known from the Hill Cumorah, or eastern sea to the Rocky mountains. The curse was taken from Zelph, or, at least, in part - one of his thigh bones was broken by a stone flung from a sling, while in battle, years before his death. He was killed in battle by the arrow found among his ribs, during the last great struggle of the Lamanites and Nephites."
This riveting story of Zelph excited my senses, and I had difficulty falling asleep. I opened my encyclopedia, volume 'Z', and looked for 'Zelph'...nothing. I finally laid down and went to sleep. That night I had the most vivid dream. I dreamt of Zelph, the mighty white Lamanite warrior doing battle with his Nephite enemies. As I watched them fight, Zelph chopped some guy's head off, then he suddenly turned to me and said, "Find the plates." I awoke in the middle of the night wondering what that meant. Find the plates? Maybe the dream was a sign that I needed to find some plates, just like Joseph Smith!
According to the History of the Church, Zelph's remains were found on the banks of the Illinois River, near Florence, IL in 1834. This was only about a two-hour drive away, and my Uncle Hank lived in Florence, so I could stay with him! I called my friends Martin, Kenny, Cody, and Rick and told them about Zelph and invited them to come with me to check out his final resting place. None of them were interested so I called my girlfriend, Becky, and asked her. She said it sounded exciting and romantic and agreed to accompany me on my voyage.
I was so excited. On the morning of May 4th, Becky and I started the drive to Zelph’s homeland. Becky drove while I read Zelph passages from the History of the Church, Volume 2. We arrived at my Uncle Hank’s house a little before noon. I asked my Uncle about Zelph. He had not heard of him, but he gave me a map and showed me the area that Joseph Smith and company traveled, and potential sites for the events described in the History of the Church.
Hank fed us lunch, and outfitted us with gear for our journey. We borrowed his canoe and traveled up the river. I felt as if the ghost of Zelph were guiding us. Becky kept trying to fool around, thinking we were on a romantic get away. I kept pushing her away because this was business not pleasure. This upset Becky. About an hour into our journey, I noticed a clearing. I knew it was the place. We pulled the canoe onto the bank and began searching. We searched all day but didn’t find Zelph’s grave or anything else. When it got dark, we went back to Uncle Hank’s house disappointed.
The next morning, I decided to go search on my own, without Becky. I went to the same clearing and searched a little further back into the woods. I came across a grove of trees and sat down to rest when I noticed two personages standing before me. They were both dressed like Indians, but one of them was a white guy, and the other was dark. They were both glowing like ghosts. The non-white guy motioned to the white guy and said, "This is my beloved dad, hear him."
I was confused, so I asked them, "How can you guys be related? You're not even the same race."
And the white guy spoke saying, "Behold, I am Zelph, son of Dances with Cureloms, a Nephite. And I did inherit my white skin from my father. And my son, Melph, who does also stand before thee, did inherit his dark skin from his mother, for I married a Lamanite woman named Tiger Lilly."
I was excited beyond belief! I went in search of Zelph's last resting place, and to search for the plates he mentioned in my dream, and I actually met Zelph himself, and even his son, Melph. We talked all morning for many hours. They finally told me that the plates were hidden in a nearby cave. They guided me to the side of a mountain, and an opening appeared, as if by magic. I gazed inside the cave, and saw a big wheelbarrow with some plates in it. The wheelbarrow was very old and rusty, but the plates were in perfect condition. Inside the wheelbarrow were a couple gold plates, some silver plates with jewels, bronze plates, steel plates, and a few stone tablets. I stood all amazed.
Zelph then spoke saying, "Takest not those plates, for they are exceedingly heavy. Besides, many of the gold plates are missing because Melph melted them down to make gold coins so he could buy things. Here, takest these instead."
Zelph handed me some grungy old leather plates, bound together to form a book, and he continued speaking, "These leather plates I hand thee are an abridgement of the plates ye beheld in that handcart. And I abridged them in a single, easy to read book, except for one thing that doth makest it not so easy to read, for it is written in reformed Asian, therefore, thou wilt need this." Zelph then tossed me a rock.
I caught the rock, and looked at it. It was a round rock, a couple inches in diameter, with a hole in the middle. "What is this?" I asked.
Zelph explained, "That is an ancient Asian magic translator rock, preserved from the time of the Asian whores, and handed down, to whosoever taketh over as translator of these works. And my father, Dances with Cureloms, did inherit it from Asian whores, and he gavest it unto me, and I did givest it unto my son, Melph. And now I do givest this rock unto thee, Josh, so ye shall bring forth these plates to the modern generation. For if ye write it, they will come."
"If I write it they will come?" I asked. "Write what? Who will come?"
And after I asked that question, the two personages disappeared, and I never saw them again. I was left with some leather plates, a rock, and a puzzle to solve. I concealed the leather plates in my bag, and rowed back to Uncle Hank’s house. It was still early and the house was quiet. I loaded the leather plates into the trunk of my car, locked the trunk and went inside.
I wanted to examine the plates, but I knew people would think I was crazy if I told them the story. Nobody could know the truth, at least not yet, not until I get my story straight. When I walked in, Hank and Becky were eating breakfast. “Where the hell did you go?” Becky asked. She was obviously angry that her romantic get away wasn't so romantic. She didn't expect to be eating breakfast with Uncle Hank.
“I went back to the place we were at yesterday. I still didn’t find anything. We should go home now.” I said.
“Sure, whatever.” Becky said, obviously pissed off.
When we returned home, I secretly built a wooden box to hide the leather plates in. I then secretly transported the plates to the box. I placed the plates inside the box, covered it with a tablecloth, and nailed the box shut.
Later that night, I started reading from the History of the Church and other church books trying to find any clues to this mystery. I read several passages that mentioned Joseph Smith using a seer stone to translate his gold plates. According to some witnesses, Joseph put his seer stone in his hat to translate his gold plates. I took the rock Zelph gave me out of my pocket and placed it inside my baseball cap. I then placed my face inside the hat, bringing the edges of the hat against my face to exclude the light. Suddenly words started to appear before me. I began reading the words one at a time, “And”…. “it”……. ”came”……….. ”to”……. ”pass.” I couldn’t believe it. Zelph's magic rock was working!! And Josh Anderson believes that Jesus is the Christ the son of God, and that all men through HIM [JOSH ANDERSON] Might be looking through his book as a religion as Joshua in the bible helped Moses so Josua Caries on the work of Joseph Smith June who brought forth the Book of Mormon- and concerning this book Josh said "I told my friends it is a real Good book."
-THE REVISED TESTIMONY OF JOSH ANDERSON-
FROM BOD SMITH COMPUTER TEACHER WHO FOUND THIS WEB PAGE AND STARTED THE CHURCH OF ZELPH
Date & Time: Tuesday 31st of January 2006 01:06:49 PM
Name: BOB SMITH
Location: ERWE
Testimony: Jesus christ came and died on the cross so that Josh Andwerson cOULD MAKE US LORDS. Because of Josh Anderson I came be like Yig Pig
and I know that when Josh Anderson was in his mother womb God caused him to publish this book one day according to this prophecy as a commandment 2007 yea for those who praise Tiger Lilly, and Melzph yea I did role the dice and it was the number 7 and yea I did get money to know about wwww. The Book of Zelph." Abd I do ask of thee Josh Anderson if you will allow us to make this book? I wwant pemission. Now ALL i know is that when Josh Anderson was 12 years of age he begin to question if he was gay or not. And he did not know if his gayness would change so he begin to question God. And God said "No, Gays do not exist," showing him diffent Scriptures
dances with whomever came to him and showed him scriptures but it was different from Our Bibles LEVTICUS 18:22-23 "YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO BE LAYING WITH MAN, OR ATTRTIVE TO MEN AS WITH WOMEN.
I HATE THAT SIN DEARLY BUT I LOVE THE SINER.
Then he read to Josh Anderson Romans 1:20 "THEREFORE TAKING IN OF MAN WITH MAN, BEAT WITH BEAST LEAVING GOD AND GOING UNTO IDOALS IN WHICH YOU SHOULD NOT BE FORGIVEN BUT I TELL THEE THAT GOD LOVES YOU, AND YOU ARE WITH OUT MAKING BLAMES." And he read a scripture on that date
that says "Brethren if a man be overtaken in a fault, restore such a onein the spirit of meekness-considering thy self least thou also be temped." -GALATIANS 6:1 So Josh Anderson did as Paul said "To consider himself," and went On the evening of the . . . 2nd of May [2004] . . . I was sitting in bed, after a long shift at Chuck-E-Cheese's, reading The History of the Church Volume 2. While reading, I came upon a passage by Joseph Smith concerning the discovery of the remains of the great white Lamanite warrior named Zelph:
"The brethren procured a shovel and a hoe, and removing the earth to the depth of about one foot, discovered the skeleton of a man, almost entire, and between his ribs the stone point of a Lamanitish arrow, which evidently produced his death. Elder Burr Riggs retained the arrow. The contemplation of the scenery around us produced peculiar sensations in our bosoms: and subsequently the visions of the past being opened to my understanding by the Spirit of the Almighty, I discovered that the person whose skeleton was before us was a white Lamanite, a large, thick-set man, and a man of God. His name was Zelph.
"He was a warrior and chieftain under the great prophet Onandagus, who was known from the Hill Cumorah, or eastern sea to the Rocky mountains. The curse was taken from Zelph, or, at least, in part - one of his thigh bones was broken by a stone flung from a sling, while in battle, years before his death. He was killed in battle by the arrow found among his ribs, during the last great struggle of the Lamanites and Nephites."
This riveting story of Zelph excited my senses, and I had difficulty falling asleep. I opened my encyclopedia, volume 'Z', and looked for 'Zelph'...nothing. I finally laid down and went to sleep. That night I had the most vivid dream. I dreamt of Zelph, the mighty white Lamanite warrior doing battle with his Nephite enemies. As I watched them fight, Zelph chopped some guy's head off, then he suddenly turned to me and said, "Find the plates." I awoke in the middle of the night wondering what that meant. Find the plates? Maybe the dream was a sign that I needed to find some plates, just like Joseph Smith!
According to the History of the Church, Zelph's remains were found on the banks of the Illinois River, near Florence, IL in 1834. This was only about a two-hour drive away, and my Uncle Hank lived in Florence, so I could stay with him! I called my friends Martin, Kenny, Cody, and Rick and told them about Zelph and invited them to come with me to check out his final resting place. None of them were interested so I called my girlfriend, Becky, and asked her. She said it sounded exciting and romantic and agreed to accompany me on my voyage.
I was so excited. On the morning of May 4th, Becky and I started the drive to Zelph’s homeland. Becky drove while I read Zelph passages from the History of the Church, Volume 2. We arrived at my Uncle Hank’s house a little before noon. I asked my Uncle about Zelph. He had not heard of him, but he gave me a map and showed me the area that Joseph Smith and company traveled, and potential sites for the events described in the History of the Church.
Hank fed us lunch, and outfitted us with gear for our journey. We borrowed his canoe and traveled up the river. I felt as if the ghost of Zelph were guiding us. Becky kept trying to fool around, thinking we were on a romantic get away. I kept pushing her away because this was business not pleasure. This upset Becky. About an hour into our journey, I noticed a clearing. I knew it was the place. We pulled the canoe onto the bank and began searching. We searched all day but didn’t find Zelph’s grave or anything else. When it got dark, we went back to Uncle Hank’s house disappointed.
The next morning, I decided to go search on my own, without Becky. I went to the same clearing and searched a little further back into the woods. I came across a grove of trees and sat down to rest when I noticed two personages standing before me. They were both dressed like Indians, but one of them was a white guy, and the other was dark. They were both glowing like ghosts. The non-white guy motioned to the white guy and said, "This is my beloved dad, hear him."
I was confused, so I asked them, "How can you guys be related? You're not even the same race."
And the white guy spoke saying, "Behold, I am Zelph, son of Dances with Cureloms, a Nephite. And I did inherit my white skin from my father. And my son, Melph, who does also stand before thee, did inherit his dark skin from his mother, for I married a Lamanite woman named Tiger Lilly."
I was excited beyond belief! I went in search of Zelph's last resting place, and to search for the plates he mentioned in my dream, and I actually met Zelph himself, and even his son, Melph. We talked all morning for many hours. They finally told me that the plates were hidden in a nearby cave. They guided me to the side of a mountain, and an opening appeared, as if by magic. I gazed inside the cave, and saw a big wheelbarrow with some plates in it. The wheelbarrow was very old and rusty, but the plates were in perfect condition. Inside the wheelbarrow were a couple gold plates, some silver plates with jewels, bronze plates, steel plates, and a few stone tablets. I stood all amazed.
Zelph then spoke saying, "Takest not those plates, for they are exceedingly heavy. Besides, many of the gold plates are missing because Melph melted them down to make gold coins so he could buy things. Here, takest these instead."
Zelph handed me some grungy old leather plates, bound together to form a book, and he continued speaking, "These leather plates I hand thee are an abridgement of the plates ye beheld in that handcart. And I abridged them in a single, easy to read book, except for one thing that doth makest it not so easy to read, for it is written in reformed Asian, therefore, thou wilt need this." Zelph then tossed me a rock.
I caught the rock, and looked at it. It was a round rock, a couple inches in diameter, with a hole in the middle. "What is this?" I asked.
Zelph explained, "That is an ancient Asian magic translator rock, preserved from the time of the Asian whores, and handed down, to whosoever taketh over as translator of these works. And my father, Dances with Cureloms, did inherit it from Asian whores, and he gavest it unto me, and I did givest it unto my son, Melph. And now I do givest this rock unto thee, Josh, so ye shall bring forth these plates to the modern generation. For if ye write it, they will come."
"If I write it they will come?" I asked. "Write what? Who will come?"
And after I asked that question, the two personages disappeared, and I never saw them again. I was left with some leather plates, a rock, and a puzzle to solve. I concealed the leather plates in my bag, and rowed back to Uncle Hank’s house. It was still early and the house was quiet. I loaded the leather plates into the trunk of my car, locked the trunk and went inside.
I wanted to examine the plates, but I knew people would think I was crazy if I told them the story. Nobody could know the truth, at least not yet, not until I get my story straight. When I walked in, Hank and Becky were eating breakfast. “Where the hell did you go?” Becky asked. She was obviously angry that her romantic get away wasn't so romantic. She didn't expect to be eating breakfast with Uncle Hank.
“I went back to the place we were at yesterday. I still didn’t find anything. We should go home now.” I said.
“Sure, whatever.” Becky said, obviously pissed off.
When we returned home, I secretly built a wooden box to hide the leather plates in. I then secretly transported the plates to the box. I placed the plates inside the box, covered it with a tablecloth, and nailed the box shut.
Later that night, I started reading from the History of the Church and other church books trying to find any clues to this mystery. I read several passages that mentioned Joseph Smith using a seer stone to translate his gold plates. According to some witnesses, Joseph put his seer stone in his hat to translate his gold plates. I took the rock Zelph gave me out of my pocket and placed it inside my baseball cap. I then placed my face inside the hat, bringing the edges of the hat against my face to exclude the light. Suddenly words started to appear before me. I began reading the words one at a time, “And”…. “it”……. ”came”……….. ”to”……. ”pass.” I couldn’t believe it. Zelph's magic rock was working!! And Josh Anderson believes that Jesus is the Christ the son of God, and that all men through HIM [JOSH ANDERSON] Might be looking through his book as a religion as Joshua in the bible helped Moses so Josua Caries on the work of Joseph Smith June who brought forth the Book of Mormon- and concerning this book Josh said "I told my friends it is a real Good book."
-THE REVISED TESTIMONY OF JOSH ANDERSON-
FROM BOD SMITH COMPUTER TEACHER WHO FOUND THIS WEB PAGE AND STARTED THE CHURCH OF ZELPH
Date & Time: Thursday 02nd of February 2006 11:40:49 AM
Name: LEOPNAR
Location: WENOW
Testimony: WoW, Josh I just started reading the book of Zelp h and it is better then the book of Mormon for my head is not confused or nothing like that. It is much peaceful and I feel nearer to God. I had a vision that you would make many other books. Another revelation is called "THE HEART OF VOICES," Which will be a prolog to doctrine and covenants for your church. On another website or add that as sacred. P.S. Can you write to me on the testimony and tell me how to have a name like Mormon and Zelph for my book to speak concerning African trade and Americans,
who team up to destroy Mexicans and latter- are tempted to sleep with the same sex but are delievered? I know est thou art my savior.
Date & Time: Monday 06th of February 2006 10:43:08 AM
Name: WE
Location: FW
Testimony: I HATE NIGERS, REALLY BAD. SO IAM GOING TO PREACH THE BOOK OF ZELPH
Date & Time: Monday 06th of February 2006 10:43:50 AM
Name: WE
Location: FW
Testimony: JOSH IS A BITCH AND YOU SHOULD SUCK HIS DICK
Date & Time: Wednesday 15th of February 2006 12:59:21 PM
Name: minister Louis Farrakhan
Location: NATION OF ISLM. WWW, THE NEW NATION .COM
Testimony: Dear Joshua Anderson,
can you help me find an ideal of a name Like Mormon for my holy book?
And can you help me find a good name better then Mormon Jehovah's Witnesses, and such or give me an assignemnt with Names on it? So I can begin a work like you? I talked to an angle name Alomer and he told me about www. Book ofZelph.com and he told me to consult with you, and if I did not we would all be destroyed. All of us, and this is true. So I would that you try this spirit for every spirit that confess that Jesus Christ is the son of God, is of God. Well? Iam. So I confess Jesus as son of God, therefore help. My name is Leonard Daniel McNeal, you can write to me at 506 WALNUT STREET DOWAGIAC MICHIGAN 49047. By the Way this history is going to be about Mexicans and blacks who form something like the New Nation of Islam. This group also consist of the Laboanites, and the Simieonites which are the principal ancestors of the Mexicans who are like blacks, and it tells men what they must do to be saved, and it also speak of the comming of the destruction of america prophecying the Fall of buildings. It speaks also about the second comming of Christ in you, and it tells of the revelation of JESUS CHRIST, as revealed through a man named Josh. It is a splenor work to be publish of the Church of Zelph.
So please Iam not jiving I really nead a name, I've been praying and praying to bare the name. For I saw it in a book so please help me, please I tell you or we will be destroyed. Because it is ashame how all you white people get names. And I want to honour whihe people and make an Unkle Tom religion. However we will be against slavery but still praise an Unkle tom who has short blond hair, blue eyes and a white shirt. In other words the book will be about the lady that was on Good Times, who believed in a white Jesus and was against all nigers if you will who did not help soicety and believed Jesus was black. This planly is my teachings that Iam cursed and no fullers white sope can help me. Now you show me that Iam wrong? Iam I wrong. See I know how to brain wash you to make you do it, because you believe in a white man and I do to. So you do it now. because its not fair if you get to do it and we don't. If you don't do it, you will in your latter years be cursed with one black mark on your cheek. Believe me this will happen, you will be cuased and your friends shall not longer read your book. I am the only one hear bearing a testimony, Now I want you to think for a moment. Didn't you say in THE BOOK OF LABAN 1:25. And it came to pass that Lemuel did continue his story: And that be not all, for then does Nephi continue to teach from the brass plates. And he doth teach that thou shall not kill and thou shall not steal. And when he did teach these thing, I did raise my hand and sayest unto Nephi that he did steal the book that teaches thou shall not steal, and he doth killest Laban to get the book that doth teach thou shall not kill. And I spake unto him that I did find that fact exceedingly ironic. Then did I point and laugh at Nephi. And after I did point and laugh at him, Nephi became exceedingly angry with me, and cdid hastise me. Then did our father Lehi join Nephi in chastising me, and they accused me of desiring to stir up contention, which thing is of the devil. Then Nephi stood, and cast me out of the tent in the name of Jesus Christ, and I was humiliated in front of everyone, and none did stickest up for me, exceptest it be Laman, who did callest Nephi a hypocrite and did also leave the tent with me." Or are these mine own words, because you would be like Nephi if you do sometihng and findest a name, and therefore having found a name, like Jospeh Smith none knowing where he find it would be like saying what it says in the book of Zelph of Phil 3:8. And Nephi did agree to wait for me to return with the swords, and he did agree to not flee the land, and to stay and fight, and defend the people from the Zutite invaders, and he did order the women and children to hide in their teepees. Now you are disaproving yourself brother wrighting what God said, and then disowning it. You are worthless if you do not help me, someone is going to kill you one day if you do not help me find a name. O YOU ARE GOING TO WISH YOU NEVER HAD DONE THAT. And let me tell you something if you thank that Morni did not let joseph smith get away with it do you think I will let you get away with it? Because these are somethings that are going to happen to you. You are going to wake up one day, and your mother or father or relitives are going to kill you because you are in a pentecostal home doing Mormons. Or someone is going to convert to Pentecostal Church. Now say that Iam lying , that's happening now it's it. And all you other white people, who don't help us you are just a peace of Crap. You are defile and O so mad, you shall never make it into the peace of God, because your life is not in God's Hand Josh anderson has made you seem to be not true. Iam the Lord and Iam God. Iam the King of Kings and Lord of Lords nad the maker of days and the peaces of the days which makes it hard to seee because he speaks lies and roomers of life and lthe gheoaner . " DOCTRINE AND APOSTLES 1:4 A COMMENTARY ON THE BOOK OF ZELPH.
Date & Time: Wednesday 15th of February 2006 01:01:57 PM
Name: minister Louis Farrakhan
Location: NATION OF ISLM. WWW, THE NEW NATION .COM
Testimony: AND IF YOU SHALL BELIEVE THESE WORDS, JOSH SHALL NOT BELIEVE THESE WORDS;
FOR THEY ARE THE WORDS OF SATAN, AND THEY TEACHES ALL MEN TO DO BAD, AS TO MASTERBATION
LYING STEALING KILLING,
AND DESTRYONING YOUR LIFE WHICH MAKES THE MANTION E
Date & Time: Thursday 16th of February 2006 10:02:40 PM
Name: Leon, son of Zeon
Location: Bible Belt
Testimony: While in the midst of Chapter 5 of the Book of Zelph I felt a tremendous burning in my bosom and I knew the book to be a true translation of an ancient record translated by the Prophet Josh. Later, when I was having a triple bypass at UAB two personages, both of whom were exceedingly white and both naked and exceedingly well hung, appeared before me and one said "Listen to him" and the other said unto me, "The Book of Zelph is true. Those who do not believe it are an abomination in my sight. Get circumcised while you're here." And then the personages disappeared and when I awoke I felt even a greater burning in my bosom. I also got circumcised and my rod is part of my testimony now which I share with others.
Date & Time: Tuesday 21st of February 2006 09:06:45 AM
Name: COOLER TIME J.
Location: SOUTHBEND
Testimony: Surely I had been watching T.V. and did sees SpongBod on the 22 of Feburay, and yea it was their movie special Spongbad something I cannst not remember. And I had wenest to seepest,and did have the samest adventest that thou hadest, and I believest how they speakest Elizibethanest. And the Lord Jesus Said tell Jon Anderson to masterbate with a pillow, untilest sperm come out and keep doing it evest if it heartest and so as toest goest about; finding a name of a Churchest called THE CHURCH OF THE LORD'S SUPPEREST OF THE BRETHREN OF ANTI-SADOM SO ALL MEN EVERYWHERE WILL KNOW THAT YOU ARE A SON OF MAN. YOU WILL TEACH PEOPLE THESE DOCTRINES AS JESUS TOLD ME ONE "You are not a Christian? Like how the prophetest on trading house wife said it, and didst break every wound of their devil worshipers head. Taken from Melzph 2:4 and then you teach them the Trijan doctrine instead of Trinity to teach it from Dictonary of Mythologhty, and then you will also teach the revelation of Noes bleading for the Salvation of mankind, taking of the blood putting it in the cup,
and therefore having remision of sins. I cooler will continue giving word what God showed me in earler time. Thankest God that according to Z Timonty 4:5 Josh Anderson also fulfilled Acts 5:6 with the message of us being able to save the world through preaching of the Jesus of Zelphism. Yea I follow Zelphism which Josh told me in a dream before he even didst such I not knowing who he was yetest believest in him and thou trust it,
yea he doest make a book like Mormon doest and therefore is a Zelph which means AS jOSH calls it 'zipping
up,'' get it Zelph "Zelphi since in Zelph 4 :8 he quotes and thou knowest it. I will be your teacher for Josh Anderson my name is Cooler Time J. Writest down what I said. Evenest thou knows what the word of God in the Book of Zelph said that I thinnk these words will sum up with truth what this book is all about. It says in the Book of Zelph concerning these things The Book of Hores says "2. And it came to pass that I contributed little to these plates, as thou doth probably know. For many do probably scratch their heads and say: Behold, who is it that is named Bo?
3. And I know not what to say, exceptest to be happy, and livest a good life. - Book of Hores Chapter 10:2-3
Date & Time: Thursday 09th of March 2006 12:52:57 PM
Name: Doc
Location: Richmond, UT
Testimony: This is the funniest stuff I have ever read. I can't wait for the movie....ROFLOL
Date & Time: Sunday 12th of March 2006 05:27:31 PM
Name: Ghost of Joseph Smith
Location: http://www.myspace.com/velvet_joseph_smi
Testimony: Oh Zelph I remember the day I found your holly bones. No glad to see that you have made it to the world wide web.
Good luck
Date & Time: Sunday 19th of March 2006 04:26:32 PM
Name: yoni gonchin
Location: thepiscoleoyo
Testimony: es la mera neta. translation;it is true.
Date & Time: Friday 24th of March 2006 10:27:18 PM
Name: john
Location: prove
Testimony: The book of zelf must be true, because look at how people fight against it. If it was a lie they wouldn't care. John Anderson is a true prophet and he deserves all the women a prophet deserves.
Date & Time: Saturday 25th of March 2006 08:03:00 AM
Name: Enoch
Location: York Haven, PA
Testimony: I remember talking to Josh a few years ago when he was still in high school. He had some pretty far out stories, claimed he knew a cave where a ton of plates were near his house and needed me to come help me carry them out, and that the plates contained the lost 24 plates of Mahonri Moriancumer, and the sealed portion, I guess since those plates have already been translated 3-4 times by other nut jobs, then I at least give him credit for inventing something original.
It seems he put a lot of work into this, even using an old LDS website template.
So delusioned by his own testimony that he had to make up a story to back it up, which in the end is only going to hurt it more when he's ex-d for putting this on the net.
Save yourself the trouble Josh, don't go through all the crap I went through. Stop fantasizing, get a girlfriend, and find a new hobby.
Date & Time: Saturday 25th of March 2006 12:18:33 PM
Name: Lucifer
Location: Hell
Testimony: This book is True. It has convinced me to repent and change my ways. No more temtation in the world. I will persuade all men to do good. WOW!!! thankyou, thankyou
Date & Time: Tuesday 28th of March 2006 11:46:02 AM
Name: Donald E. Gosselin
Location: Pocatello, Id
Testimony: I'm a member of Community of Christ, when I first saw this web site I was willing to give it the benifit of the doubt. On further examination I see it's nothing more than a joke, worse than a joke, it belittles the Book of Mormon. All you have to do is read the other testimonies, to see this i saw listed in ther so called testimonies from Joseph Smith Jr, Paris Hilton, Ted Nugent, Satan, Gordon B Hinkley, and Elvis.
If the owner of this web site were honest, this is probably a front for a group like Through the maze, or Saints Alive in Jesus. I enjoy a good joke but this isn't funny, I owe my faith in Jesus Christ to the Book of Mormon. For shame sir, you need to aplogize for this prank in bad taste.
Date & Time: Wednesday 29th of March 2006 02:22:12 AM
Name: Clever Lee Witty
Location: "Wh"orem
Testimony: This is the absolute truth. I folded up my sacred underwear,placed them on my head, and stood on my head, using my underwear for padding...until I passed out. I then had a vision. In the vision I was told that if i repeated the magic words over and over and over and over and ....anyway....I was to repeat that the BOM was true and that the Book of Zelph was further "enlightenment". ...funny thing was, the more I said it, the more I believed it.
Date & Time: Wednesday 29th of March 2006 02:30:24 AM
Name: Donald E. Gosselin
Location: Pocatello, Id
Testimony: I changed my mind. This site is just plain funny. ...not overly funny, but just plain funny. I retract my previous statement that you should aplogize for this joke. Please forgive me for being a self-righteous, indignant scuzzy ball sack and requesting that you aplogize for your beliefs. I pray that you'll forgive me and I also pray that you'll pray for me...so that in the future, I won't be tempted to push my system of beliefs on other good and decent folk, ...such as yourself.
Again, please forgive me.
~Donald E. Gosselin
Date & Time: Wednesday 29th of March 2006 08:47:24 PM
Name: Layne
Location: Whoknows
Testimony: I know the book of Zelph to be the true word of whoever. I have payed the tything and prayed on the cover of the book for many nights. This is my testamony
Date & Time: Thursday 30th of March 2006 10:54:26 AM
Name: King Moron
Location: Adam-ondi-Ahman, Missouri
Testimony: And it came to pass as I was surfing the web, and it came to pass I saw this great work by the Prophet Seer and Revelator Josh Anderson, and it came to pass I read the Book of Zelph, and it came to pass I thought it may seem real but maybe not, and it came to pass I rolled the dice in a hat, and it came to pass I look in the hat and cover my face to keep out the light, and it came to pass the dice say book is true. And it came to pass I think "maybe just a dream or I am confused," and it came to pass an angel appear to me, and it came to pass I still am not sure about book, and it came to pass the angel say "ye be accursed," and it came to pass the angel point finger at me, and it came to pass a beam of light shoot me, and it came to pass he zap my skin red like injun. Thus it came to pass how I realize Book of Zelph is most correct book on earth. Amen.
Date & Time: Thursday 30th of March 2006 01:05:19 PM
Name: Christian Dad
Location: My Home
Testimony: It truly amazes and saddens me to see what lengths people will go through to put down another person's belief system. I'm sure Josh is proud of the work he has done to belittle and offend those who lives are benefitted by the Book of Mormon and it's teachings. I'm sure he is unconcerned with the bigotry and religious intolerance that websites like this promote. This "joke" is not even funny.
Date & Time: Thursday 30th of March 2006 02:23:51 PM
Name: Mike
Location: Anonymous
Testimony: I am sickened at many of the comments here. Why do so many people use this site to ridicule the LDS Faith? And on the other hand, why are faithful LDS attacking the Prophet Joshua Anderson? This website isn't a "joke". It isn't a "spoof". And the people on both sides are all getting it all wrong. The Book of Zelph is TRUE. I have Spiritual testimony for it just like the testimony I have for the Book of Mormon and the Bible. I rolled a 7 on the FIRST try. I was shocked, so I rolled again and guess what... a SEVEN. This is the same as Acts 1 with a drawing of lots to discern God's will. Same with the Urim and Thummim of the High Priest. Same with King David's divining chalice. I received the testimony of the Spirit for the Book of Mormon, but I get testimony from the Spirit for many trials in life and daily situations, and as well I received the testimony of the Spirit for the Book of Zelph.
God has sent the Prophet Joshua Anderson to restore all things in these last days. Thats the Truth. The Prophet Joseph Smith restored Christianity and opened a new dispensation yes, but tragically that dispensation closed after several apostasies within the LDS Church. The Prophet Joshua Anderson has now opened the final dispensation and has restored many important truths.
I participated in LDS Temple ceremony for many years, but had to cease because I came to realise the apostate Utah LDS Church had abandoned the most important practices. I now am forced to observe the original Faith in a true House of the Lord among brothers who believe the whole Truth.
Every time I open the pages of the Book of Zelph, my balls swell and my penis grows several inches. I can pleasure three or four women now with ease. Could it be any clearer that the Book of Zelph is restoring the doctrine of plural marriage in these last days? The apostate Utah LDS Church has abandoned this teaching and is therefore damned. LDS beware, if you do not seal more than one marriage in the temple, you WILL NOT be exalted. You WILL NOT inherit all that is your Father's in Heaven.
Likewise the Book of Zelph restores the correct understanding of dark skins... you know, like indians, niggers and japs. It is the result of CURSES. Ever wonder why nobody has ever seen a red angel, or a black angel, or a yellow angel? Red and yellow black and white, they are precious in his sight? No, white and delightsome is the original teaching restored through Joseph Smith but abandoned by the apostate Utah LDS Church.
This is not to say the average LDS faith is bad, no, they are much closer to truth than any other churches. But without the Book of Zelph, without God's restoration Prophet for these final days, they will continue to follow the false prophets of political correctness who have hijacked the Church of Jesus Christ. These will not be exalted to God, and their false prophets will go to outer darkness.
In the name of the restored Gospel,
Mike
Date & Time: Friday 31st of March 2006 12:39:33 PM
Name: Rob
Location:
Testimony: I rolled a four. LOL
Date & Time: Friday 31st of March 2006 01:55:00 PM
Name: beelzebub the greater, of II evils
Location: aw hell, you had to remind me
Testimony: wowsers, honey, grab yer glory drawers, we're going dancing, and drinking, and carousing at the House that my son Joseph built.
Date & Time: Friday 31st of March 2006 07:38:15 PM
Name: donald42@hotmail.com
Location: Pocatello, id
Testimony: this is the actual Donald Gosselin, the fact that someone felt the need to fake a message from me, shows that I must have struck a nerve, as the truth often does. If someone has a seerious answer what i said you can e-mail me
Date & Time: Monday 03rd of April 2006 01:41:02 PM
Name: Satan
Location: Outer Darkness AKA Heck
Testimony: Donnie boy, pull the stick out and learn to laugh. This website is obviously a parody.
Date & Time: Saturday 08th of April 2006 12:06:34 PM
Name: Trent Cutler
Location: Boise Idaho.
Testimony: I know that Zelph was the greatest white lamanite that ever lived and that through his example, I can become a good husband, and father of many children of God. I love Zelph with all of my heart and pee pee.
Date & Time: Monday 10th of April 2006 12:05:59 AM
Name: Harry Dschaak
Location: Rockland Idaho
Testimony:
I know that there is not a thing wrong with Josh or Martin or Cody or the Son of Abitch. I haven't read a single word of the Book, but I can tell you without any reservation that I know that if you just roll the dice, like Melph promises, (I used the huge fuzzy pair hanging from my friend Guchi's rearview mirror) that you will recieve the same witness that Josh did from Tiger Lily's "beloved" Son. I also closed my eyes and looked into my Seattle Seahawks hat and saw tiny holes that when I kinda blurred my eyes took me into a very happy place in my mind where I saw the cave and inside it I beheld the Holy Wheelbarrow full of various plates of different sizes and design, but all needed to be washed before they could be reused. I got the stinking impression the cave used to belong to a bachelor who hated to do dishes. I saw no silverware, but I did see a few chopsticks, which manifested to my soul that the Chinese were in ancient America and taught the kick-ass Lamanites some Kung-Fu. I awoke from my vision when my wife wacked me upside the head for humming into my hat, when she thought I was still mourning the Superbowl loss. When I related to her what I had seen in my vision, she scoffed at me and told me I couldn't get out of doing the dishes by making things up. (I knew right then, she was of the devil). I also have been able to visualize the Leather plates, and I can tell you that they are brown and the writing on them is of such curious workmanship, that I would need more than a magic stone from China to translate them, so I know of a surety that they must be legit. I also got a feel for Zelph's own spirit, and that he's glad Josh answered the call faithfully, and was not distracted by Becky the Romantic or her friend, but that he stayed the course and unlocked the mystery of the Greatest White Brown Guy that ever took an arrow in the side.
I say this in the name of the guy who's name I can't remember now, who was the first born Son of Abitch. Amén.
Date & Time: Thursday 20th of April 2006 09:42:52 AM
Name: Leonard Daniel McNeal
Location: 506 Walnut street Dowagiac Michigan
Testimony: addrees 49047. Hello there, brothers and siters in Zelph. This Book is better then the Book of Mormon. I want to bare another testimony, and I sure hope that Josh Anderson when he publishes the Book that he takes Off my First testimony which I messted up on, and I gave to much infomation, but anyway. I know that Josh Anderson had to make this Book by himself. He made it with no help at all. This books name is true. I finally found out what Zelph means.
Iam a Zelph, the world is Zelp. While moved by the HOLY SPIRIT OF GOD WHO SENT HIS ONE AND ONLY SON ON A CROSS FOR MY SINS, AND ALSO FOR THE SINS OF THE LAMMANITES. I was looking by the Urim and Thmmine and behold I saw a websigt for Chinesse names. So I Typed the Name ZELPH the prophet. And made a name and date and such. And the Word Zelph in chinesse its Character is ZHI which fits the actual account of ZELPH his name means "PURPOSE WILL DETERMINATION." Was not Zelph willing to be determined to do the Will of All Mighty God? And I ask you was not Dances With Comour a visitation? For Joshes Anderson Purpose? Since Joseph Smith never told what the Word Mormon means and where it came from. It is a lie, and therefore THE BOOK OF MORMON and I qoute in the Words of Josh Anderson "Since you need two testimonies to make something true. The Book of Zelph is one testimony that makes something true." - Ephasis mine.
However we must understand also that according to these out standing words that many have not stuided.
It says in THE BOOK OF ZELPH In the Book of Whoers chapter 11:4-8 I Quote 4. And I desire exceedingly for the plates to come forth to future generations so as they may learn the important lessons written upon them. And I do know not how they shall come forth, for they are buried in the ground, and unless thou art a worm, thou shall not read them. Wherefore, who shall knowest to dig in this spot for plates?
5. And it came to pass that I beheld a boulder nearby where I deposited the plates and translator rock, and I wrote words upon it, even a clue for the future person who shall seek for truth upon this mountain.
6. And the words I did write were: If thou seeketh wisdom and truth, yea, thou shouldest to dig twenty paces behind thee. And thou shouldest use the rock to translate the plates.
7. And I did engrave these words upon the boulder as a clue for the person who doth seek out wisdom and truth.
8. And now that I do deposit these plates, and the ancient magic Asian translator rock, and do writest the clue upon the boulder, yea, it is that my work hath completed. And I do now retire, and shall livest out the few remaining years of my life knowing the plates are safe. And I do finish all that I desire to say unto thee. Wherefore, goodbye." So this is another powerful comparable testiomy of THE PROPHET WHOERS. The Name does not matter but the Wisdom matters.
You know that is why Melph the prophet said in the Book of Zelph he said In the Book of Melph chapter 4: 8. And the messenger spake that Mormon had one final message to give unto the people, even did he say that the Nephites were defeated because of their disobedience, yea, even does he say the Nephites beat themselves, and he giveth not the Lamanites credit for the victory.
9. And the messenger spake to me more about the battle, and of Mormon's final words from the battlefield, for according to Mormon, even though the Lamanites did win, yea, we art still a dark and filthy people with the wrong religion. And Mormon spake, even in a loud voice, that the white Nephites of this land shall never be forgotten, for white is right, according to Mormon. And the messenger spake many more things which cannot be written.
10. And it came to pass that I was exceedingly angered at the words of Mormon, for his words are racist. Nevertheless, I was overcome with sadness for the Nephite people, for they were annihilated because of the final solution, which was an unjust act, and though their leaders be bad, yea, many Nephite people are good." So you know you people call yourselves followers of Josh Anderson but you don't read your Book of Zleph. You better read your Book of Zelph. In the mean time pray that Josh Anderson our Apostolic Father, would move upon us to make more Books and continuing revelations.
Write to me O Josh Anderson and tell me what you think. I was Kicked out of school, and I was moloseted. I tired to make a Book lIKE THE BOOK OF MORMON BUT I HAVE no name for it. So could you please Josh Anderson give me forth a name so that I may start me a sect similar? That you give and then write to me a 506 WALNUT STREET DOWAGIC MICHIGAN 49047. And if I can have a copy of the Book even if you print it out I will spread your message with a friend, and show that the Bible has a lot to do with it. And that the Bible therefore is true to go together with it. But I need the Book so Please o Josh Anderson please allow me to see the Book and place it at the adress given. Please because if you do not do this, you will be not doing this for Zelph. THE BOOK OF ZELPH NEEDS A WITNESS, AND if I can please write back to me as soon as prossble Apostle Josh Anderson. For Josh Anderson is an Apostle of YAHWEH
Date & Time: Saturday 22nd of April 2006 10:55:32 AM
Name: joroboam amenophenis
Location: 23802 hunter spring cir spring tx 77373
Testimony: starting may first,all donations of any kind,most of all money,will be recived at this new location.thanks a lot BB & SS.
Date & Time: Tuesday 25th of April 2006 10:05:30 AM
Name: Leonard D. McNeal
Location: 506 Walnut Street
Testimony: Josh Anderson accepted Jesus Christ as the Son of God, on May 14th 2005 while falling down at a Chuckie Cheese place, after eating a meal and watching those robts dances, and did pray to God that the robts would sing a Song About Zelph, And he Pleaded the blood of Jesus Christ, that by his strips he was healed.
Date & Time: Tuesday 25th of April 2006 10:14:54 AM
Name: NERMONW
Location: BEREFMONE
Testimony: Concerning the record of the Book of Zelph which is true. Josh Anderson stated "I Told my frioends that the Book of Zelph is a really good book." With these words in mind. I dare you to make a religion based on this faith. For it is not a raist group, and it is anti- Your Momma show, which cometh on every day, on channle 61. Yea and the truth shall set you free. If you have a Bible, in 2 Timothy 3:16 it says "All {Books) are inspired by God, and are benifical for reprof, doctrine, correction, and traing up in {good moral standard) that the man of God, (Josh anderon, may be thoughtly furnished in the word of Truth." Not only that, but the word of God also says according to the Book of Zelph. 2. And it came to pass that my father, being a good man, had in his possession certain brass plates, like unto these gold plates upon which this record is written, except it be that my father’s record was on brass, not gold. And these brass plates did have written upon them the record of the Jews, even like unto a Bible . _"THE HOLY BIBLE FROM THE COMPUTER CHURCH OF ZELPH. GO TO WWW.THEBIBLEZELPH.COM.
There you will see a refferecne form the Bible, and the Book of Zelph which my friends helped me, so we could share Zelphism around the world. Where for speaking in the spirit helds you to read the Book of Zelph and for you to see the revelation of the last and final prophet that it would come.
Date & Time: Tuesday 25th of April 2006 06:39:55 PM
Name: GORGE W. BUSH
Location: on vacation
Testimony: FUCK YOU ALL BICHES
i believe in this book!!!!!!!!!!!!
Date & Time: Tuesday 25th of April 2006 06:40:03 PM
Name: GORGE W. BUSH
Location: on vacation
Testimony: FUCK YOU ALL BICHES
i believe in this book!!!!!!!!!!!!
Date & Time: Wednesday 26th of April 2006 10:15:34 AM
Name: Gettin Some
Location: AH YES
Testimony: For men who want some new masterbation tips,
use a pillow, and get on a bed. Wait until you get real hard, then lie on your stomic with your penis, having your pillow like a woman, and fuck her. Make sure it is Polly ester.
And make a whole in it, and start rubbing on it up and down, pushing your penis down on it. For those of you, who has a tape recorer, for porn type. Record you a sex noise tape using a clean tape player, and record a Sex noise on Yahoo, under the word "Erection," with a man holding his hands up and a woman is yelling sexual noises. Then go to your room and began masterbating. This is a good one. And Also, you can masterbate as Long as you want to. You have to make words like, this while you are doing so "O you want this, yea, if feels good. If it would not kill me. O yes Iam going to, shit this thing, hurt my dick. Yea. (screa) and P.S. While no one is at home do it. Then
keep going. Firt cut the bottom part of your penis of the tip,
or rub on something that may tare it. not on a pice of wood. Then each day masterbate even when it hurts. And when it is healed. You will know your strengeth.
Check Book of Hores chapter 4:5-8 for reffercnes As soon as I Bear this, the person that says thank you for your testionies Gettin some
Tell me what you thank by bearing your own testimony for me to see, as if we are talking to each other.
Because Iam bord Iam a home by myself. And I don't go to school either. I know Josh is probly doing Zelph's Witnessings. Telling people about this website. But after me
somebody write back to let me know that someone is on hear also.
Date & Time: Wednesday 26th of April 2006 10:38:49 PM
Name: Donald Gosselin(...or SlimShadey??)
Location: I'm in Id....with the "real" D. Gosselin
Testimony: Donald Gosselin...
There was very little truth in your previous statement. ...some but not much. The church has done some good....just as much as the Catholic church or this church or that church.
So I suppose that the only thing that really "stings" my ass is that you feel a need to "defend the faith" everywhere you go. I suppose that I shouldn't be shocked. I mean, that's the pious nature of the mormon world. I would know, I used to be a mormon....and I still live deep in the western heart of hell. I suppose that you could call it the "Rocky Mormon" range. ...oh yeah,...I forgot, I live in Idaho...(I have an apartment on Kolob that I visit on the weekends....)
What really blows me away sir is that you came BACK to this site. You just had to see what if someone responded to you. ...(I didn't remember anything about this site until I visited the SalamanderSociety funny pages...)(...somehow that bears "testimony" that your here only to "defend the faith".)
Make you a deal sir......you stay away from my playgrounds...and I'll stay away from yours.....think you can play nice? ...or do you wish to continue to bombard me with that $|-|!+ that JS puked out of is mind(@$$??)? If that's what you really want to do, I'll actually register(no, I don't have an account....)at the FAIR boards and I'll start $|-|!++!|\|' over there.
Bottom line? If I wanted to hear you spew your lies about the church....I'd actually visit mormon related sites....or join TSCC again.
P.s.....Have a wonderful day. ;-)
~The Actual Donald Gosselin.....
Date & Time: Wednesday 26th of April 2006 10:41:19 PM
Name: Sick...but funny
Location: Va.
Testimony: .....somehow, I think that this fellow...
Name: Gettin Some
Location: AH YES
...has acutally done what he's written.
Date & Time: Thursday 27th of April 2006 07:28:51 AM
Name: LEONARD DANIEL MCNEAL
Location: 506 WALNUT STREET DOWAGIAC MICHIGAN 4904
Testimony: Can I use the name Book of Zelph for my faith.
Because I Want to make a Book comparable to the Bible, and I wanted to know if I could use the name Zelph. With in one munuite I am going to make a Book called THE BOOK OF ZELPH. Iam going to Publish it.
I first need your premission to use some of these names that are not in the Book of Mormon. I know the bases of your Ideal of the name. I want to use the same names, ecept the Book of Whores, so that I can make a religious book.
And If I have a website it will be of a sect called THE FRIST CHURCH OF THE FOUNDATION OF JESUS CHRIST OF THE APOSTLES AND PROPHETS. Write on personal testimonies Josh Anderson. And If no one writes me back then I Guess it is O.K. You know it would help you more then me. Becaus like the Muslims there are two Mulsims the Black Muslims, and the Arab Muslims they both calim to have a The Same Quarn one in English and one in Arabic. But the Black Muslims just took the name Koran because the Arabs could not read the Koran, so they the black muslims could write whatever the hell they wanted to and still believe in that same prophet as an unseen, person. In other words, since people do not read the Book of Zelph. People will wonder if there is an origional book of Zelph. And I can prove unlike Joseph Smith, that my Book of Zelph has an Historical one Just as the Koran of America has an Historical one.
So what do you think? Within Five Munites I have to talk to Josh Aderson to get his persmsion. If he says nothing since he is reading his book or witnessing, and if one of the people there are looking on the computures I need to know because there is a publisher holded on the phone, and I told him I did not know if Josh Anderson was going to publish it or not. Anyway so read this, and within five munites if you don't say nothing on this month Iam going to use it because no body seems to like the name like me, or at least you can give me a name that you were going to call it. This Book has to do with a Man who has a friend like dAVID AND JONATHAN but still has a wife, who is either black or white, and this is their religion. To be friends, have a wife, and children to get saved by the Belief of Christ, so I can say on my t. v. Add with two people that are eating at a resturant talking about God and Jesus, and his friend shows him a Book of Zelph with his wife there and at the eend it says "FRIENDS DO YOU HAVE ONE? A WORD FROM THE FRIST CHURCH OF THE FOUNDATION OF JESUS CHRIST OF THE APOSTLES AND PROPHETS.
P.S. I will the publisher is waiting for me to answer him.
Also contact me at the Location given.
OR I could help you remake it because I know the Bible, and as Iam reading you book I see scriptures that I could place there, maybe we have someting going hear. Give me a call and you and instead of having a cult give your life to Christ, and to me your Apostle and I can help you beter make it.
P.S. instead of Palogamy it will do with people who used to be racist who are questioning if they should marry some one of another race other then White. Iam BLACK so I would marrie a Mexican. Or about diverity speaking against whites like Muslims and you can say In stead of "A BIBLE A BIBLE, WE HAVE ALL READY GOT A BIBLE." WE can say "A Quarn, a Quarn, we have already God a Quarn they shall say, but God speaks in the Book of Zelph, the orignal one no one reads, and there is an original one." Please write to the Location given or write back on the personal testimony.
I've been waiting to have a name. I believe with a litte true restoing you could have people really sit down and read it, with changing some names, and text, not to take away what you wrote but get a Christians prospetive who wanted the same call, too once I heard of the Book of Mormon
Date & Time: Thursday 27th of April 2006 07:31:24 AM
Name: LEONARD DANIEL MCNEAL
Location: SAME LOCATION
Testimony: PS THE ZIP CODE IS 49047
I did not have enough room. Iam not lying at all, I like your Ideals but I want this to happen this might just be the answers to my prayer
Date & Time: Thursday 27th of April 2006 11:04:06 AM
Name: leonard
Location: MCNEAL 506 WALNUTSTREET DOWAGIAC MICHIGA
Testimony: Hello is any body there?
Cna someone tell me or not. Because if you don't Iam just going to use the name. So you either let me use it, without bearing a testimony or not.
Who thinks I should use the name? And make a NEW BOOK OF ZELPH?
hear is just some of my translation of the Book of Zelph and I Quote "1. And I Zelph became very afraid. But God said unto me "What time you are afriad you can trust in me, the Lord. 2. For in a dark and gloomy place I Zelph did go, yea even a Harsh place of swine and poop. 3. But I Zelph did trust in God, and I Zelph did dust off, every fowl thing. Yea and I Zelph do tell you that even when I Zelph felt as if I was going to Hell, I trusted, in God's ways. And did not cease to worship him." - this is called "1 TRUTHS OF ZELPH, which contian two very short chapters in the whole book, adding on to the finding of a Book. LOCATION CONTINUED MICIGAN 49047
Date & Time: Thursday 27th of April 2006 11:09:22 AM
Name: leonard
Location: mcneal
Testimony: O.K. Josh Anderson Iam going to use the Book.
Date & Time: Thursday 27th of April 2006 11:11:02 AM
Name: JAMES PETER SMITH
Location: JOE
Testimony: If a young Guy at 3016 wood wridge Ave Sees this go to the trash and meet me I live at 3018
Date & Time: Friday 28th of April 2006 07:31:51 AM
Name: LEONARD
Location: DANIEL MCNEAL
Testimony: HELLO IF ANYONE IS THERE IAM STILL ON HEAR, AND I WANTED TO KNOW IF ANYONE USES THIS NAME ANYMORE. IT MAKES NO SNESE TO SAY DON'T SAY ANYTHING IF I CAN USE THE NAME. BECAUSE SOMEONE MIGHT BE ON A VOCATION LOOKING FOR ZELPH'S BONES.
SO THIS IS WHAT IAM GOING TO SAY. READ WELL. WITHIN FIVE MUNITES. IF YOU CAN USE THIS NAME SINCE I KNOW ITS MEANING FOR MY BOOK PLEASE LET ME KNOW, JUST AS BLACK MULSIMS USE THE SAME NAME IS THE OTHADOX ISLAM INSTEAD MY RELIGION WOULD BE APOSTLE ZELPHS.
OR THE APOSTOLIC ZELPHS. OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, BUT MINE WOULD BE CALLED THE NEW BOOK OF ZELPH ACCORDING TO THE SCRIPTURES WHICH IS COHESIVE TO THE BIBLE.
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK. THE PERSON THAT RUNS THIS, OR THE LAST PERSON WHO IS READING THIS TODAY, TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF MY IDEAL. ANY MEMEBER WHO LIKES THE IDEAL TO PUBLISH IT IN A RELIGIOUS FORM BASED ON THE BIBLE, BECAUSE AS IAM READING IT, IT SOUNDS LIKE THE BIBLE.
SO WHAT EVER YOU CAN DO LET ME KNOW.
Date & Time: Friday 28th of April 2006 07:33:46 AM
Name: LEONARD
Location: DANIEL MCNEAL
Testimony: HELLO IF ANYONE IS THERE IAM STILL ON HEAR, AND I WANTED TO KNOW IF ANYONE USES THIS NAME ANYMORE. IT MAKES NO SNESE TO SAY DON'T SAY ANYTHING IF I CAN USE THE NAME. BECAUSE SOMEONE MIGHT BE ON A VOCATION LOOKING FOR ZELPH'S BONES.
PS It is my same adress
SO THIS IS WHAT IAM GOING TO SAY. READ WELL. WITHIN FIVE MUNITES. IF YOU CAN USE THIS NAME SINCE I KNOW ITS MEANING FOR MY BOOK PLEASE LET ME KNOW, JUST AS BLACK MULSIMS USE THE SAME NAME IS THE OTHADOX ISLAM INSTEAD MY RELIGION WOULD BE APOSTLE ZELPHS.
OR THE APOSTOLIC ZELPHS. OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, BUT MINE WOULD BE CALLED THE NEW BOOK OF ZELPH ACCORDING TO THE SCRIPTURES WHICH IS COHESIVE TO THE BIBLE.
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK. THE PERSON THAT RUNS THIS, OR THE LAST PERSON WHO IS READING THIS TODAY, TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF MY IDEAL. ANY MEMEBER WHO LIKES THE IDEAL TO PUBLISH IT IN A RELIGIOUS FORM BASED ON THE BIBLE, BECAUSE AS IAM READING IT, IT SOUNDS LIKE THE BIBLE.
SO WHAT EVER YOU CAN DO LET ME KNOW.
Date & Time: Friday 28th of April 2006 08:02:10 AM
Name: yoni again
Location: same
Testimony: LEONARD: calm down..it is gonna hapen..yours great idea. know this....people are readin....and enjoying...and getting ready...
Date & Time: Friday 28th of April 2006 11:58:07 AM
Name: LEONARD
Location: DANIEL MCNEAL
Testimony: So what are you saying that I can do that Muslim thing. Where there are two mulsim and each claim that their book is better then the other one? Write Back fast Youri again
Date & Time: Friday 28th of April 2006 12:01:45 PM
Name: LEONARD
Location: DANIEL MCNEAL
Testimony: P.S. IF I CAN'T USE THE NAME THEN GIVE ME A NAME THAT I CAN USE LIKE MORMON OR ZELPH THAT HAS TO DO WHAT IAM DOING, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW A NAME IDEAL.
Date & Time: Friday 28th of April 2006 12:04:02 PM
Name: LEONARD
Location: DANIEL MCNEAL
Testimony: BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T DO THIS FOR ME, IT'S LIKE YOUR NOT DOING THIS FOR GOD OR ZELPH AND YOU WILL NOT MAKE ANYONE LIKE IT WITHOUT THE BIBLE ON HAND AND MY REVELATIONS, BECAUSE ZELPH EVEN SAID THAT WHAT I WAS DOING WAS COMMING FORTH.
READ IN THE BOOK OF ZELPH CHAPTER 5:8-9
Date & Time: Friday 28th of April 2006 12:12:45 PM
Name: LEONARD
Location: DANIEL MCNEAL
Testimony: IAM THE TEACHER OF THE BOOK OF ZELPH. NOW AS I SAID, IN THE BOOK OF WHORES CHAPTER 4:8 (READ) AH, THIS MEANS THAT GOD PROMISED YOU THIS NEW BOOK OF ZELPH AFTER THE MANNER OF THE REVELATIONS OF THE TRUTH OF ZELPH. ZELPH SAID IF JOSH ANDERSON WOULD NOT ADHEAR, YEA THE LORD SAID ABOUT THIS YEA THAT HIS FIGER WOULD BE CUT OFF. NOW THAT SIMPLY MEANS CHURCH THAT HE WOULD BE CUTT OFF FROM THE OTHER REVELATIONS LIKE THE DOCTRINES & Grace. Book which he will make, that if he does not let me revise this work and start all over again. It's like he is saying "GOD I HATE YOU, AND BECAUSE I HATE YOU. I HATE ZELPH. EVEN IF I DO NOT HATE YOU GOD. I HATE ZELPH WHEN IAM SAYING I HATE YOU. AND IF ALL THESE THINGS THIS MEAN I DON'T WANT TO OBEY YOUR WILL WHEN LEONARD WANTS TO USE THIS NAME." IN OTHER WORDS YOU ARE USING GOD'S GIFT ACCORDING TO WHAT THE BOOK OF MELPH SAID IN CHAPTER 4:7-9 THAT YOU ARE DISAGREEING WITH ME AND ZELPH FOR IN ME HANGS ALL THE TEACHINGS OF ZELPH. YOU NOTICE HOW I CAN SAY SOMETING AND IT GOES RIGT ON WITH THAT. BECAUSE IAM FULFILLING. ACTUALLY WHAT IT IS, IS THAT IAM THAT KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU PROCEED FROM THE BOOOK OF ZELPH. NOW YOUR'E GOING TO SAY O.K. WITHOUT LOOKING AT THE BOOK OF ZELPH WHAT DOES SO AND SO CHAPTER MEAN? WELL NOW WOULD YOU WANT PEOPLE TO TEMPT YOU OF YOUR'E UH, WORK HOW THEY CALLED IT FORGERY.BECAUSE IF YOU GOING TO SIT UP THERE AND NOT LIVE ACCORDING TO YOUR WORK. WHAT IT SAY ABOUT WHAT IAM SAYING IN 1 BOOK OF LABAN 7:8-10 WHAT WOULD HAPPEN?
Date & Time: Saturday 29th of April 2006 01:23:05 PM
Name: Margaret
Location: Logan
Testimony: I know the Book of Zelph is true. I love my mom and dad. NameacheesescrustAyman.
Date & Time: Monday 01st of May 2006 05:27:00 AM
Name: NEW LIFE CHRISTIAN CENTER
Location: ANTI-HOMOSEXUAL MINSITRY
Testimony: This Book is a true book written by Homsexuals against those who are friends, and founded by A Homsexual. Josh Anderson God hates you for making these words in BOOK OF ZELPH 4:5-9 AND ALSO IN MELPH 3:8 IT IS A LIE OF THE DEVIL AND A SPIRIT OF ANTI-CHRIST. THE BLOOD OF JESUS BE UPON YOU AND YOR FAMILY.
Date & Time: Monday 01st of May 2006 09:43:29 AM
Name: THE SPIRIT OF JOSEPH SMITH
Location: IN HEAVEN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FATHER
Testimony: I JOSEPH SMITH JUNE. ANNOUNCE UNTO YOU, THAT ALL PEOPLE OF THIS PLACE WHO LOOKETH AT THIS COMPURTER. I AM WRITING THROUGH SOMEONE. YEA I JOSEPH SMITH TELL THEE THAT THOU SHALT SURELY DIE JOSH ANDERSON. FOR YOU ARE A SPIRIT OF ANTI-CHRSIT. YOU ARE GOING TO HELL. YOU AND ALL WITH YOU. FOR YOU HAVE MADE A LYING BOOK, AND MADE MY BOOK TO BE NOT TRUE. AND YE HAVE USED THE NAME MORMON. EVEN THE ANOTHER TESTAMENT OF THE BOOK OF MORMON. AND IF YOU DO NOT HELP PEOPLE WITH A GOOD NAME LIKE ZELPH I JOSEPH SMITH JUNE WILL MAKE PEOPLE SAY NEGITIVE THINGS. AND EVIL SPIRITS WILL BE IN YOUR HOUSE. AND EVIL DEVILS FOR YE ARE THE SPIRIT OF ANIT-CHRIST WHICH THE BIBLE SAID WOULD COME. BUT YOU O JOSH ANDERSON IS THE DEVIL. YEA YOU DESIRE TO BE THE DEVIL. FOR YE ARE CRUSED WITH A SORE HOT IRON. YE ARE GAY EVEN WITH A FAGISH GAY. NOT FRIENDLY BUT BEING GAY. AND YE SHALL NOT GO INTO THE TEMPLE OF MORMON, NEITHER THE TEMPLE OF MY FATHER SAYS GOD. AND IF YOU BELIEVE NOT IN MY WORDS, WHY WRITE CONCERNING ANOTHER TESTAMENT OF THE BOOK OF MORMON? IS NOT MY BOOK O.K.? IS IT SOMETHING WRONG. FOR YOU ARE CURSED AND ARE A SINNFUL MAN. YOU ARE PITTIFUL AND SHAMEFUL YOU AND ALL YOUR PEOPLE. YOU ARE EVIL WITH MUCH VIAL EVIL. AND A SORE LOOK UPON YOU. AND YOU ARE MUCH EVIL WITH A VIAL EVIL. HAVING PENIS ENLARGEMENTS BECAUSE YE CANNOT GET A GOOD ERECTION. YOU HATE YOURSELF BECAUSE MANY PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY MAKE FUN OF YOU. AND YOU KNOW THAT YOUR GIRL FRIEND BECY IS HAVING SEX WITH YOUR OTHER FRIENNDS. IS THIS NOT TRUE? Even COdey gets hard with his dick and does masterbate with a pillow thinking that this pillow is her. Yea even your pillow for you wonder where does all this seed comeforth. But I joseph Smith tell thee that it comes forth from the vial codey, which he shall be judged of me. And ye shall not enter heaven. For you cannot add to the Book of Mormon, where did I say i needed another witness. You are cused, and people will talk about you, and say evil things. So as to give up the name of the book and to forget all about it. And your friends will believe that I the prophet Joseph smith actually said it. For did I not promise you I would come again? To help build a Temple in the last-daysss? And knowing this that THE BOOK OF ZELPH is a flase lude. Yea even a falsehoodness. And your friend Codey shall be acting like Bliss shows on Oxygen and shall fuck your girfriend in your house, yea and this must come to pass in order to allow this book to come forth. Even when he feels like given up, on fucking your girl that night. Tell him it is Zelphs and Gods will. And that even if the sperm comes out. Yea keeps going, and going tell him. And let him give you the cum each time the seed cums and put it in a jar. Yea even a good jar. And tell him to keep going and he will be all wet and get all tired, yea and he shall scream with a loud voice. And he feels that you know it is his soul. Yea and Codey shall keep going. Or in other words to whom you think is the most finest but lookest kind of not good or have no good confidnece that he looks good. And he shall say "My penis hurts." and sperm shall guss out. And ye shall make your own moive to put on hear about it. Yea and he shall keep going, and shall even make a moving of his dick. And it shall begin to bleed, and yea it shall rage with a hot truth. Yea it shall not bleed but get hard and blood shall enlarge his penis. And if ye do not do this for me, in action ye have already done it in thought so since becy's nipples shal get hard. Yea even the one friends penis shall get hard and shall bring in closing MORE-MEN. That is why it is called THE BOOK OF MORMON, NOT THE BOOK OF ZELPH.
Date & Time: Monday 01st of May 2006 09:55:35 AM
Name: JUST SOMEOINE YOU MIGHT GUESS
Location: LIFE
Testimony: HEY GUYS I'VE REA JOSEPH SMITHS TESTIMONY CONCERENING THE BOOK OF ZELPH. AND SINCE YOU DO MAJIC, PRAY THAT LEONARD'S PENIS WILL GET REAL HARD. YEA EVEN LIKE A COCK. USE MAJIC OR WHAT NOT. BECAUSE I FEEL HIM LIKE HE IS MY SOUL BROTHER. AND I WISH HE WOULD THOUGH STOP TALKING ABOUT THE MUSLIM AND QURAN THING OR WHAT NOT. SO BE PRAYING THAT BY THE END OF THIS WEEK HIS PENIS WILL GET BIG AND LARGE, AND BE CLEAN LIKE UNTO HOW IT SHOULD BE BEOFRE HE CUT A SLIT THROUGH IT WHEN HE WAS A CHILD. SO USE MAGIC OR WHATEVER TO PRAY FOR LEONARD, YEA FOR IT MUST BE A WHICH WORK. AND DO NOT LET LEONARD KNOW LEAST HE READS IT. MAKING HIM HAVE SEXUAL THOUGHTS.
Date & Time: Wednesday 03rd of May 2006 08:11:10 AM
Name: JOE
Location: BOB
Testimony: Hay I wanted to know what does Mormon mean? Or what does ZELPH MEAN?
If there is anyone on this line let me know so that I can write it down. And can I print out your work to give to my friends at my house because I've just completed Reading the Book of Zelph now.
It will begin every day on the same day you found the records Josh Anderson and I NEED YOUR PREMISION.
Date & Time: Wednesday 03rd of May 2006 10:32:39 AM
Name: LEONARD
Location:
Testimony: HELLO WHAT DO YOU MEAN GREAT IDEAL. DOES THAT MEAN I CAN DO SO? FOR IAM GETTING A JORNURAL SOME DAY, AND I WANTED TO USE MOST OF THE NAMES EXCEPT HOERS, FOR MY BOOK BUT ALONG THE SAME LINE FOR YOUR BOOK WILL OF COURSE BE A HISTORICAL BOOK. I FOUND OUT THAT IAM NOT THE ONLY LEONARD ON HEAR. BEHOLD I LEONARD WANTED TO KNOW IF I COULD USE THE NAMES OF THIS BOOK LIKE HOW SOME CLAIM THAT THE BOOK OF MORMON NAMES WAS FROM THE VIEW OF HEBREWS. OR HOW DO YOU COME UP WITH NAMES LIKE ZELPH. BE PRAYING THAT I COME UP WITH A GOOD NAME LIKE MORMON OR ZELPH, A COLLOQUIALISM NAME
Date & Time: Wednesday 03rd of May 2006 10:37:14 AM
Name: LEONARD
Location:
Testimony: PLEASE HELLO IF ANYONE IS READING PLEASE WRITE BECAUSE I FEEL SO STUPIT TALKING TO MYSELF. SO I REALLY NEED SOMEONE TO ANSWER BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T IT'S LIKE YOUR NOT ANSWERING GOD. OR LIKE YOU ARE DISOBEYING GOD, SINCE WE BELIEVE WE ARE ALL GODS. AND OF THE GOD OF TRUTH. SHOULD I CALL IT THE BOOK OF NEPTUNE. SO WHEN IT COMES OUT ON WICPEDIA THE PERSON CAN SAY SPONGBOBE CRIED OUT NEPTUNE WHEN HE NEEDED HELP BUT MOST NEPTUNE LEADERS WILL TELL YOU THAT'S NOT TRUE. SO HELP ME PLEASE. AND CODEY AND BECKY DID YOU OBEY MY CHARSMATIC PROPHESY OF JOSEPH SMITH? YEA FOR IT WAS NOT MINE BUT THE LORDS. IF YOU DO NOT ANSWER THAT'S LIKE SAYING YOU REALLY DON'Y WANT PEOPLE TO READ THE BOOK AT ALL. THAT YOU JUST WANT ME TO USE THE NAME. SO IT IS YOUR CHOICE. WRITE BACK WHOEVER JUST READ THIS. LETS HAVE SOME TALKS ON HEAR. SO THAT ALL EYES SHALL SEE THAT IT IS TRUE. COME ON WRITE BACK SOMEONE. I KNOW CODEY. OR BECY OR SOMEONE IS READING THIS SO COME ON PLEASE READ THIS.
Date & Time: Thursday 04th of May 2006 08:39:46 AM
Name: LEONARD DANIEL MCNEAL
Location: 506 WALNUT STREET DOWAGIC MICHIGAN
Testimony: PRAISE GOD, Hallujah thank you Zelph, Jesus and Josh Anderson by the Holy Spirit. When ever a people are stuiped, and have lots of money, and don't know what to do with it. God and Dances with Comour always sends a prophet to make a book called the Book of Zelph. I want to show you a name you could recall it it could be called The Book of Zenith if you wanted to translated it in different names. Which if translated High point. Since whats his name Joseph smith used the name Lehi as the Book of Lehi he gave it up and restarted it all over again using the name Mormon. So Zenith if you have a computer or look it up in the thrusaes it means AIM HIGH. OR Surpreme. It means Pinecal, OR STANDARD. Since the Book of Zelph is another testament of the Book of Mormon which is the suppliment to the Book of Mormon, would it not be wise to call it Zenith. Because that is what it is called. And you can say that I God told you that Zenith had a son named MELPH AND ZELPH which his last book is a commentary on all of the books with Scriptures to show that it is gods word.
Tell me what you think
Date & Time: Thursday 04th of May 2006 08:53:11 AM
Name: LEONARD DANIEL MCNEAL
Location: TO JOSH ANDERSON
Testimony: O BY THE WAY HAPPY BELATYED FINDING THE BOOK OF ZELPH CELEBERATION. WHAT A TREAT TO BE JUST IN TIME FOR A GOODNESS WAY. YOU SHOULD HAVE A PARTY AT CHIKIE CHESEESE WORLD WIDE FOR EACH CHURCH. THEY SHOULD EACH BE NEAR A CHUCIKE CHEESE SO THEY ALL CAN GET PREPARIED FOR MAY 2 PARTY AND YOU CAN BE ON NATION WIDE T.V. READING FROM THE BOOK OF ZELPH BEFORE YOU EAT A PIZZA. AND THEY CAN HOLD THEIR PIZZA UP WIT SMALL PICES TO GO AROUND AND SUCH AND THE POP CAN BE THE WINE AND YOU CAN READ MELPH 4:8-9 AND THEN YOU SAY, NOW TAKE HOLD OF YOUR PIZZA AND EAT.
AND THEN THEY TALK FOR A WHILE AND LAUGH. AND THEN YOU READ BOOK OF ZELPH 4:7 AND THEN TAKE UP THE POP AND SIP IT. AND THEN THE ALTAR CAN BE WHERE THE ROBOTS OR PUPPET DEPENDING ON THE PLACE WHERE BE WHERE A BIG OLD ZELPH STAUCE AND JESUS STANDING BEHIND IT A BLACK JESUS.
Date & Time: Thursday 04th of May 2006 08:56:35 AM
Name: THE LEONARD
Location: MCNEAL
Testimony: THAT'S IN MELPH AGAIN -11 MY MISTAKE
Date & Time: Thursday 04th of May 2006 09:33:26 AM
Name: Leonard Daniel McNeal
Location: LIFE
Testimony: O my god. Josh Anderson you won't believe this.
I was um you know like, kdding around, and saying "Iam going to test what melph said. And so I brought my Soul -Brother over, and we huged and kissed, and I said "You man, my bro, I found out about a book. You know when I said I know God has a Book out there for me? Cause all othe books like the Purpose Driven life your best life now, and such did not work for me. He said yea. And I said well its on the computer. And he did not believe. I aksed him if he had a dice roller. And so anyway I was looking at this Book and told my friend to run home and get him a dice. Because he was my soul brother he holded on and said he did't want to leave me, because there was a show comming on that we could watch plus he brought snacks. And I said go. So he ran and came back. And brought a dice roler, and I through it down and was jumping with it shaking in both hands folded like pentecostals exepct saying "MAKE IT SEVEN MAKE IT SEVEN." AND ME AND HIM WAS JUMPING WITH TOUCH IT BUSTER RHYMES AND CLOSE TO THE END OF IT, WHERE THE GUY HIS FREIEND COVERS HIS NOES. WE DROPTED IT, YEA AND I SAID IT'S A SEVEN, BUT REALLY IN THE NATURAL IT WAS A 2 BUT I SAID I SEE IT BY FAITH. AND MY SOUL BROTHER BOB DID NOT BELIEVE ME, AND SO HE SAID HE HAD A DREAM. (o PRAISE GOD, HALLUJAH.) He had a dream. Amen, that, praise God. That he saw Josh Anderson. And he began to notice that THE BOOK OF ZELPH was true. And saw a seven on the dice, and behold even a wicekd seven. And it was on the Book of Zelph. And we turned on the cumputer and was best friends. See I don't have a friend. Iam a High School drop out, i WANT TO WRITE A BOOK LIKE THE BOOK OF ZELPH. O MY GOD, PRAISE GOD, I WAS ABUSED BY SOMONE. But God sent Josh Anderson who was called a fag. Who was mistreated. And disbeleived by his girfriend. Who can feel your souls. Zelph sent such a man. I am even crying now, a man who is 20 years old over this. That such a man who has no image and likeness but that he would show himself good. The Bible says that peter in his first chapter says You see not yet believe. So Josh Anderson is a true person. We don't need images because his spirit is near us when we are down. And he ever helps us. For he accpted Jesus Christ as the son of God. For in the Book of Zelph 3:10 it will explain the Goal of All ZELPH. and as out lined our Belief in MELPH CHAPTER 3. So we are zelphs. THE CHURCH THAT JESUS BUILT FOR ALL NATIONS. AND SO I DARE YOU TO STOP SAYING I AM STUIPTED FOR KEEP WRITING ON HEAR. FOR WHEN THE SPIRIT OF ZELPH SAYS READ MELPH 4:7 I DO AND I HOPE YOU READ ALONG WITH ME.
Date & Time: Saturday 06th of May 2006 01:27:50 AM
Name: Zayexi Juha
Location: Provo, Utah
Testimony: I can swear on a stack of Bibles that this book is as true as is the Book of Mormon. (And I am exceedingly talented at swearing; so give heed to my words.)
Date & Time: Saturday 06th of May 2006 02:08:30 AM
Name: Zayexi Juha
Location: Provo, Utah
Testimony: If you would make your offerings page secure, I would definitely give you some money. I am sure that doing so would bless me as much as I was blessed by God for giving my money unto the Mormons... I mean to God personally.
Date & Time: Saturday 06th of May 2006 02:12:21 AM
Name: Zayexi Juha
Location: Provo, Utah
Testimony: Speaking of money, I could sure use that money that the LDS Church conned out of me. How about we all get together and file a class action suit against the LDS Church, claiming (truthfully) that the LDS Church lied to us, i.e. that there is a God!?
No, seriously man. I need that money.
Date & Time: Monday 08th of May 2006 08:17:01 AM
Name: leonard Daniel McNeal
Location: PROPHET AND APOSTLE
Testimony: Now I know why no one is speaking to me concerning the New BOOK OF ZELPH is because you need to know what it is about before you agree.
This is about the Spiritual Side of revelations concerning the world. See Iam an apostle and prophet, that's how I found out about this Book I did'nt even know it existed and I was hoping that another book would come so that I could make me a Book based on the book to come. Anyway have Josh Anderson to read this NEW BOOK OF ZELPH example. This is how First Laban would read in the New Book Of Zelph 1.
And it came to pass that I, Laban the Younger, was named after the manner of my father, who was named Laban. And I shall commence writing an account of my life upon these plates, yea, even plates of gold. And the record I shall make shall be a true record.And I do makest my record in the language of my companions, which consists of the learning of the Jews and the language of the Asians. And I shall call this language reformed Asian. (mine)- And after Laban said these things behold he said "There is only one God to the reformed Asians , out of all your images, doctrines, thoughts, and trials concerning the Asains God is one. This one God made all things you see.- NEW BOOK OF ZELPH OF FIRST BOOK OF LABAN CHAPTER 1. Look and see if this does not match, then Ask Josh Anderson if this is how the spiritual side shall be. And if you lift up your hands with a pure heard youi will see that it is from God.
Date & Time: Tuesday 09th of May 2006 07:47:43 AM
Name: leonard daniel
Location: McNeal
Testimony: Hay people, take off my testimonies I made a big mistake. I don't want my name on hear anymore and if you feel like erasing it please by all means.
All my names is LEONARD please
Date & Time: Tuesday 09th of May 2006 09:26:22 AM
Name: Ron Mexico
Location: Kolob
Testimony: I am sorry to say I was losing faith in the book of Zelph. I know now how hard Satan works at my faith to take away my ability to roll a seven. I know the Book is true and the guy that wrote this is a true profit, and this is a true church. In the name of Cheesenrice amen.
Date & Time: Wednesday 10th of May 2006 05:33:41 AM
Name: To Ron Mexico
Location: From The Aposlte Leonard Daniel McNeal
Testimony: Ron, Don't let Satan make you doubt the Book of Zelph, another testament of the Book of Mormon. Because it is true. Read Melph 7:7-8
concerning Satans hidden ways of thinking. And then read Book of Hores 4:10 to show you how to regain your faith and confidence. Now Ron Mexico I want you to accept the fact, that you need Josh Anderson to come into your heart, for as it says in The Book of Zelph 8:-9. It shows you how to obey the Gospels of Jesus Christ. Josh Anderson brought The Resroted Apostolic, and if you give your money by faith, by the word of faith. That you decree a thing Satan shall set you free. Speak the Book of Zelph into your head, for Satan will make you free.
In the name of Chineecem Amen
Date & Time: Wednesday 10th of May 2006 05:35:14 AM
Name: To Ron Mexico
Location: From The Aposlte Leonard Daniel McNeal
Testimony: Ron, Don't let Satan make you doubt the Book of Zelph, another testament of the Book of Mormon. Because it is true. Read Melph 5:7-8
concerning Satans hidden ways of thinking. And then read Book of Hores 4:10 to show you how to regain your faith and confidence. Now Ron Mexico I want you to accept the fact, that you need Josh Anderson to come into your heart, for as it says in The Book of Zelph 8:-9. It shows you how to obey the Gospels of Jesus Christ. Josh Anderson brought The Resroted Apostolic, and if you give your money by faith, by the word of faith. That you decree a thing Satan shall set you free. Speak the Book of Zelph into your head, for Satan will make you free.
In the name of Chineecem Amen
Date & Time: Wednesday 10th of May 2006 07:34:25 AM
Name: BOBO
Location: UW
Testimony: Hello everyone I believe that Josh Anderson is a prophet of the Most High Zelph. Zelph must of helped him, because I tried to do it by myself
even the Book of Zelph challange but couldn't this work is true, according to my favort scripture in Book of Zelph 3:10
Date & Time: Wednesday 17th of May 2006 09:06:52 PM
Name: Boyd KKK Packer
Location: Where the hell do you think?
Testimony: And it came to pass that I, even I, yeah the great and holy high priest of "little factories" didst read the Book of Zelph and my eyes where opened to it's truthfullness.
It's a marvelous work and wonder. Modern day Profits have warned us that in the last days the wicked would seek to lead even the very elect away into outer darkness. The Book of Zelph will help strenghten the "family" and change MENS lives. By faithful obiedience to it's precepts and paying a full tithe online we may be exhalted with our wives, concubines and ho's in the eternal realm. It is another testimony of blindly following the very questionable teachings of Joseph Smith. The Profit Josh Anderson has sealed this book with his own seed, for the pages stuck together as I turned them. Always follow the profit! And remember when Josh speaks, the thinking has been done! I testify to you that by careful study of the book of Zelph and rolling the dice you can know too of the divine truths it contains. In the name of cats and mice, Amen.
Date & Time: Thursday 18th of May 2006 07:40:02 AM
Name: LEONAR DANIEL MCNEAL
Location: SOUTH -BEND INDIANIA
Testimony: Testimony of the coming forth of the new book of Zelph. To josh Anderson, by the prophet leonard daniel mcenal
Leonard Daniel McNeal class founder of The Church that Jesus Built For All Nations. Narrative begins with Leonard seeing the bible turn to Hebrews ll: 6 as he opens up his bible.
While looking upon the acts of the day, and seeing many times being classified, reading the purpose driven life, which helped little but not a lot, I began to question my confidence in the reliance of God, and his dependency to pull me through, my life of abuse and strick parenting, and sadness of mind, and a lost of a wonderful intiment friendship, lost in the sight of wondering too, like all people, is the church hypocrites, or is it just that Iam?
Was the question that rose to my mind, do they say one thing but mean another? I thought do they not know that the word is near them? Even in their mouth, if they speak something with confidence, it shall be preached? For they have preached with their words, words of wisdom, and understanding I thought, but what about him who does not have faith? Then Turning to my Bible, the New King James version mind you, I turned to Heb 11:6 “But without faith, it is impossible to please God, for he that comes to God, must believe that God is real, and that God, is a rewarder of them, that deligently seek him.” While pondering this particular verse, on my mind in that time, was only worry doubt, and fear. Sure the vocations in life were all perfect, but in my mind was only vial reputation, and sadness. But as I turned to what the Apostle Paul said; it came to my mind, the first revelation given unto me, is But without faith.
So all others got through life, with God, trusting in God, believing in God, by faith,
If they did this, why should I not consider these words “But without faith?” For faith is complete confidence, and reliance upon God, for doing something for your life. God helped me though my abused life, and healed me as I prayed every night all the scriptures, and connected them to solve my problems of the day.
Then one day I begin to focus on this scripture, while sleeping in my bed, “But without faith, it is impossible to please God, for he that comes to God, must believe that God is real, and that God is a rewarder of them that deligently seek him.” I thought Jesus was coming soon. And while I thought on these things, with a pure heart, and good things concerning this, and having praise of these things. That whatsoever I do, wither in word or deed, that I Leonard should do it, not only in the name of Christ, but in the name of faith, this lead me to believe, that was I actually believing God, or believing the words of man. So I did as this scripture says “HE THAT COMES TO GOD, MUST BELIEVE.” I did not trust God, enough that he would give me a friend, a good wife, and to find a church. When the enemy came in like a flood, trying to let hold of my faith, God raised up a standard against him.
I could not sleep, at all. But I said ‘I will lay me down, in peace, and will sleep for the Lord will sustain me.” I prayed for my neighbors, a lot, and it helped me so.
For I loved the Lord my God, with all my heart mind, and soul, and loved my neighbors as myself. And it came to my mind, that without particular knowledge of my confidence in God, I could not please God. Then one night I got down on my knees and prayed lifting up my head, and hands unto this unknown spirit person saying “LORD, come quickly,” Hear my prayer O God, please hear my prayer, from the ends of the earth, I cry unto you, from the ends of the earth I cry. When my heart is overwhelmed, I come before you, the rock for which you said unto Peter you will built the church, that Jesus Built for all nations.” As I began to pray,
And begin to pray with all prayer and supplication for the Saints, I appeared, as it was a still small voice, saying “You can rest assured, and rest in your mind
As I went to sleep, in my bed I began to encounter many dreams, that night as if I was really there. And the last dream in counters what was God’s will to be done, on earth as it is in heaven for this generation…
A DREAM GIVEN TO LEONARD FROM GOD, BY AN OLD PROPHET IN IT.
Dreamer of May 11th 2006 on a Thursday 10:41 P.M.
As I was sleeping I drifted off into a dream, and the Lord begin to show me in the spirit, a Book which he had called me to Renew, or to remake, in other words to restore, which was the word of God to day. And it was coming soon, but needed changes with former prophets disobeyed God’s original plan, which this book was called The New Book of Zelph. And in the book it said, “The New Book of Zelph is a collection of sacred writings, cohesive to the New King James version of the Bible, it is a record of God’s dealings with people, who disobeyed God’s order in writing the book,” and therefore there are two books, by which this book is a witness to. I thought to myself when this was said “Was this a Historical record or not? Was it a book that was to come into my hands? Did people know about it? These were questions that were raised in my mind. I needed answers. In that time we had computers, and such. And it was amazing. However to question the relationship with this vision, and the works of the day would be observed, to my eyes like all things God said. I could not wait for it to get in my hands. The Angel who came to me was named Melph, and he said “Your name would be in the mouth of all people, the whole world will know you by your name, and will consider the things you have done.” After he said this, I cried out ‘The Blood of Jesus in the name of Jesus, I speak over this ungodly spirit.” And as I did so, it came back, and I kept crying out ‘The Blood of Jesus, I speak in the name of Jesus, for I try this spirit right now Lord, I speak against every things.” And it came coming back, and said, “Fear not my child, for the blood of the Lord God, has obtained thee.” And he said “Behold you must look on WWW.THEBOOKOFZELPH.COM And So likewise I did, it was a book written by Josh Anderson which he God said was true, and told me that I should wait for it. And that I should bare my true testimony on hear, because there are many Leonard’s. So as I did Melph name was in this book, and he said that I should mainly study this. Also a prophet named Neshanic who had no book came and said if Josh Anderson did not believe this testimony to be true, that it was a lie, that the whole world shall see its truths. That many EX- Mormons and many EX-NON-DENOMINATION, who still hold close fellowship with their members were looking for a Book liked the book of Mormon. Hear are some doctrines that Leonard received revelation of, and scriptures to show it for his religion which is based on Non-Denomination, and came out of Mormon church, this is what his goal is. For all those who will call themselves ZELPHATOLIC (Notice ZELPHATHOLIC is for those who practice this new belief system.) The Book that was to come I could not wait for it to come. I had this dream of the book hidden in the dirt, by Noter Dame. How coult I get it? As I was moved by these two visitations which I found out was The Son and the Holy Spirit, with the same power of my old faith, came and moved me to a dirt in Notre Dame, although they do not want you to know about this book, hidden in the Churches round about it. I was afraid; I knew I was suppose to write a book, but not this way. The record would be known as THE NEW BOOK OF ZELPH.
ZELPHATOLIC SYSTEM OF BELEIFS AND PRACTICES OF THIS CHURCH
1.God gives revelation to people, who have spiritual eyes, or eyes of faith.
(Matthew 20:30-34) - prayer of ZELPHATOLICS, at the beginning of the Church and end of the Church.
. Galatians 1:17-18 spiritual eyes, as if you are the only one hear, in the world.
. Men can become Sons of God. - 1 John Chapter 3.
. To teach children, that Greater is he that is in me, then he who is in the world.
- 1 John 4:4-5.
.
2. The Purpose Driven life is to be read once, then to take notes from it, as a sacred text, hopefully with permission to the purpose driven life. [We call The Purpose Method.]
3.The Extoritioner (a Hebrew word which means to Lend, or borrow. Security.
Loan. Taker of usury- as doctrine.
4. Taking in Best-Friend, the one who is spiritual among them, will take him in, and his family, and can love one another spiritually, and intimacy, as a family would normally, by which the number 3 belief is the portion of this belief. According to Mormons this is called Polyamory Extoritioner helps us to provide for our family and friends, family who live with us. Polyamory means “its broadest usage, is the practice or lifestyle of being open to having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. Persons who consider themselves emotionally suited to such relationships may define themselves as polyandrous or polysexual (a blanket term), often abbreviated to poly.
This belief to suit us is from 1 Samuel chapter 18. But to prove our point we turn to Fist Samuel 18:1-6,16-19.
5. Paul was an apostate of the early church, and yet the Book of Peter is the role from which the church should follow. The Church believes the doctrine and teaches like peter but using his own study of the word of God, but with his awareness instead of Paul. 2 Peter chapters 1:1-9,10-13. Which is the core for all Zelph even though they are different.
And we wish not to separate ourselves from Josh Andersons church, and revelation which we believe, however we believe that his way of making the book is needed more fresh new revelation as what the Apostle Rick Warren Said in his scripture.
6. I fell such an anointing on me to do, this.
7. Many will tell you that this Book, New Book of Zelph just took the names, and used a Jewish book called Blessings [] as a doctrinal book, and book of Peter and such, which is false.
8. But God moves only with those who love him. We say, “Just like there are many Apostolic there are many Zelphism we just see the revelation different, it is the same thing.
9. Giving money freely to the church, any kind of money, the more you give the more better our church growth, books and teachings will be.
10. THAT LEONARD DANIEL IS A PROPHET OF GOD.
11. Children are to bare scriptural and New Book of Zelph names.
12. We believe in one God, Father of all, in us all. The Son who is Jesus Christ, the Son of God, but not God, or a God, but a Son who has that it praise as his father. God and Jesus, had spiritual a spiritual wife. And That The Holy Spirit is that the teacher of the father and the son, and helped made THE NEW BOOK OF ZELPH. We believe in speaking in tonuges. We believe in self-control, honesty, good report, intermarriage, but that no race is better then the other. We believe we should talk about revelations god gave us, to write them down, the dates, and times given, and to keep them in a book as a record for our children to pass to their children until the Kingdom of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ comes, which is the Church that Jesus Built. But as Long as Zelph fight over this revelation,
We will never see the true faith, and Mormons the devil will overcome us.
13. Racism is wrong, and there is a difference between Racism, and Predujuict
Racist is one who hates a particular race, Predujuict is one who says something mean or wrong, to a race, creed, religion, or people he knows nothing about.
We are Predujuict against Whites, and Mixed, but that does not mean we hate them we whish to know more about them, Zelph even said ‘We desire to know more about the Mormons, which are the white race,”
14. ZELPH means “Loving more then one.” sexually emotionally, or spiritually.
Which was Zelph’s Role in the New Book of Zelph.
15. Teaches against Molestation, abuses and seeks to help those who want to put a stop to Molestation ,and gives free confident, counsel to those who were in that calamity.
-THE CHURCH THAT JESUS BUILT FOR ALL NATIONS.
Contact me, if you like my ideals and want to see the New Book of ZELPH in about three yeas to 506 Walnut Street Dowagiac Michigan 49047.
Please write to me, Josh Anderson and see if you like this Ideal from which the new Book of Zelph shows forth.
Date & Time: Monday 22nd of May 2006 08:47:45 AM
Name: Xena
Location: Shadow Land
Testimony: A truly remarkable site to honor a great warrior!
Josh, I agree, you do have too much time on your hands to make this happen. (Didn't get laid for a while?!)
But seriously, what has bothered me for some time as a LDS member is that current DNA results do not show an inkling of Hebrew DNA in the indigenous peoples of the Americas. If Jared, Lehi and Mulek, among others, did colonize meso-America, we would have to find their DNA.
To quote the Star Trek Voyager series holographic Doctor: "DNA does not lie..."
The absense of Hebrew genetic material is a real and present problem for the Church, notwithstanding the responses from the Apologists. During the last ten years, Hebrew (ha-cohen markers) were found in the so-called black Jews of Ethiopia and in a black Jewish tribe in South Africa. Even though these African tribes had obviously intermarried with surrounding blacks (they were indistinguisable from other black Africans), yet interestingly, DNA testing did indeed show that they had Jewish ancestors.
I am definitely in need of more light concerning this issue.
Date & Time: Tuesday 23rd of May 2006 08:27:34 AM
Name: NEW BOOK OF ZELPH IN PROGRESS
Location: LEONARD DANIEL MCNEAL
Testimony: Hello Josh Anderson the Lord came unto me as I have told you. And I have made at least seven chapters of the 1 Book of Zelph another Gospel of Christ authorized Version which are the missiing records you were talking about in your title.
Date & Time: Tuesday 23rd of May 2006 08:30:25 AM
Name: LEONARD N B.OF ZELPH IN PROGRESS
Location:
Testimony: This is how the Book begins and if you like it by all means let me know I am stil getting my mail at my grandmothers. Or let me know you don't like it. Or tell me if any of you on hear like it, and what you think .
LOOK!
1 Book of Laban
The Father, to Laban the younger.
THE PROPHET
1. I Laban after having had many heavenly gifts, and of the power of the most high. Did ascend unto the power of the most high, and did live with him dear son.
2. So dear son, I Laban would warn you of the cowards of the evil, of the day.
And how that God should pour out his wrath among his people, and God shall be not dishonest, yea but he shall commence unto me, a record of the dealings with God’s people, behold though you should do the very same, for your own people.
3. Wherefore I Laban after having dwelt much in the land of the promises of God, behold it came to pass that I Laban did remember how that much people did lack faith, in the faith of our fathers.
4. And God said “Behold there shall come people in your land, even that of King Saul’s people and he shall destroy them both.’’
5. And about the time of King Saul, he did enter in, a legal path for us to come to visit you, yea but many did try to stop him, yea and behold Nephi said “It is God’s wrath upon the children of Israel who were to come.” And wherefore God did do forth a promise of the blessings of Abraham upon them.
6. And I Laban do tell you dear son, in fear, that there should be much silver and gold, in our land. Yea even the good friends, yea and it shall be like unto the Homosexual way, but not so, yea but knowing each ones personal souls.
7. Now I Laban know that there shall be a promise of the Lord, concerning this people, and you O Son must remember how great God, must have been to you.
8. Though ye have been through much tribulation, and Pain. Behold it shall come to pass, that ye shall remember how good, the Lord have been unto you.
9. Wherefore I Laban speak unto you son, concerning the good things of the Lord, and not jump to the bad things, yea whatsoever the Spirit saith write I Laban unto you in this time, yea it be about seven hundred, and forty years about the time of King Saul.
10. Now run along dear Child, and go play with your friend Nephi, for I would Suppose that he shall make a book, even like the bible, and ye shall take hold of my anointing, and his do make a book like so.
11. Yea, and ye shall not understand the words given unto you; saith God, but it is from God. Wherefore, yea there shall be Nation raised against Nation,
And Kingdom, against Kingdom, yea and shall find no help in God.
12. Yea and the sins of Nephi and his people, having many wives though living with us, he shall live, and his sons they shall live with us too. And his wife Sarah. And God showed me the earth covered with a cover of some type. Not the type wherefore ye have on your bed, but a bigger one, that he covered the sins of the earth with.
13. And I Laban did think that Nephi could of not been going places as I thought for he was home for hours, yea and it does concern me, much, yea but God said “He shall be going to work, yea and the Girl, ye have seen before is not his Girl friend, as ye think, but she knows his Mother, yea or Sister, and ye are in the gutter.
14. Wherefore I did always get mad at my mother, yea but the Lord healed me from that stupidity, and ways of thinking which is not right in the promise of the King of Saul.
15. Now it came to pass that I Laban could not hear no other prophecies given accept that he would pour out his wrath upon this earth. And I speak not of the Lord, when I Laban says this, but of the revelation that a Messiah should come forth.
16. And if ye would of known of my father, and of the blessings of Abraham, that he is in the bible, yea ye would of wrote more better, and yet ye copy off of Nephi, on another mans foundation.
17. Yea and it shall come to pass, that I Laban have been though many things, wherefore God saved me of them, for what was to come, yea and I do know what I make shall be a true thing to come, and a baring of this record.
18. And it came to pass that Nephi was someone who was your friend, yea and Lehi was my friend, and his wife. Wherefore Lehi was the one, not your friend Nephi my mistake, yea for I get confused with Lehi and Nephi.
19. And Lehi did journey in the promise of his dear, son, yea and I do know that the end of Apostles of the church have come, yea and of their abundance of the fruit of the gospel, wherefore God is bring forth sons and daughters into the Kingdom, of his dear son.
20. And it came to pass that I Laban after speaking in the manner of a prophet, though speaking in the manner of the world, and lade in my bed, and did put Nephi and, Sam, and Lemuel to sleep in the same bed.
21. Behold me, and Lehi, yea and even Sarah, and my wife did have rooms with each other, yea even to be friends, and family.
22. And it came to pass, that I did commence to tell them a greater knowledge of angles and the angels stood before our foot and said “Great is the Lord, your Holy Lord, Your Holy Lord, great is your name in all the earth.”
23. Wherefore I did sing the songs of angles, and they did hear as they did sleep, as I read the scriptures concerning those things.
24. Wherefore I should still write a book, yea and be a praise and worship leader, and this is the revelation given unto me, whereby ye must be saved.
25. And we did commence living in Greece, and it came to pass that I did prophecy many wonderful, fruitful, goodness of a thing. Wherefore it is a good production.
26. And the angle said “You must listen to these words; wherefore it is important to hear them, because there is much to say, concerning your will;
Wherefore your will is not always God’s and if you realize this, and pray about it, ye shall know of it.
27. And I did add unto the house daily, wherefore it must be a big house, as the angel said “The latter- house shall be greater then a former house, and your son, shall make a book, like Nephi.”
28. And of Course as a prophet I did see the things so close, but I did seem to think that it should come today, then the next and did think ‘God you give me a word, and it does not come.’’
29. Am I Laban like those people, who are Greeks, who do not believe in the promises of Jehovah? And I did remember the promise of Jehovah; and the ways of Jehovah; and the life of Jehovah, and the truth of Jehovah God, given unto me.
30. And it came to pass that I did encounter many dreams, visions, and reproductions, wherefore I did go unto a Jewish Union yea to get money, and a job because I had no natural experience with certain things. And the Jewish Union did giveth me pennies worth not welfare, yea but child-care, yea that I still had, and I should get a job.
31. Wherefore son, I have had much to tell thee, yea but I do put some end, for that is all God spoke to me, yea but God gave us all Spiritual Angels, and to whom guides us out of Egypt all of us, and doth destroy some of the parts of Egypt into Greece, wherefore there is no knowledge of good or evil.
P.S I think Zelph and God gave me favor and Iam taking the Book of Zelph challange
Date & Time: Friday 26th of May 2006 09:34:56 AM
Name: LEONARD DANIEL MCNEAL
Location: CHURCH THAT JESUS BUILT FOR ALL NATIONS
Testimony: Dear Apostle Josh Anderson. I have to start all over again.
It seems that Satan made me to think this is what I Was called to do. But I was not. do not be waiting soon, for this book to come. Maybe Iam suppose to do the spiritual side of the things. Maybe I should just read the book to see what you did. Iam sorry. The New Book of Zelph is on hold.
Date & Time: Tuesday 30th of May 2006 09:53:45 AM
Name: THE CHURCH THAT JESUS BUILT FOR ALL
Location: NATIONS LEONARD.
Testimony: Dear Apostle Josh Anderson I wanted to know, what Kind of Name should I have. using your Yankee Cap please help me, I need you to answer. I want to take the book of Zelph Challange but I need a nmae so at the end of my testimony I can say "Therefore after these visions, Leonard came about THE BOOK OF [ ] Another Testament.
So please Iam pleeding with you that you Josh Anderson would have me know what to do. oR ANY ONE out there, who has an Ideal name. That means "Beloved one." that is like mormon
Date & Time: Wednesday 31st of May 2006 09:43:21 AM
Name: LEONARD DANIEL
Location: MCNEAL
Testimony: I would like to bare my testimony. Many of you may think that Josh Anderson is a prophet of God, or someone who made the book, he has no evidence, no pictures of himself. No good deeds, information. So this leads all to one thing, that Josh Anderson is not a prophet of God. He uses money to do things that are against God's will, and he makes people think that he made the book when only he might of found the book for himself, or had his brother make it. So the word of God says you shall not add unto my words nor take it away. Now with that in mind, why then does Josh Anderson calim in
1 Laban chapter 1:1-5 that the book is like the Bible, made by his father, but the father and the son, as you read in this book gets messed up. First Laban the younger is talking. The the secord chapter laban the father is talking to Laban the younger.
Then Laban the father could not have had some history, because of the sinifcances of the true book that must be found.
Date & Time: Thursday 01st of June 2006 10:34:55 AM
Name: LEONARD
Location:
Testimony: jOSH aNDERSON IN YOUR BOOK YOU WOULD HAVE 74 PAGES. YOU SHOULD ADD MORE IN HEAR, BECAUSE THE BOOK WOULD NOT BE BIG LIKE THE BOOK OF MORMON. AND WHEN YOU FEEL COMFORTABE YOU SHOULD PUBLISH IT LIKE HOW THE NEW WORLD TRANSLATION FIRST CAME OUT WITH GREEN VINE AND SILVER RIGHTINGS THAT SAYS "THE BOOK OF ZELPH ANOTHER TESTAMENT," AND THEN WHERE IT SAYS OF THE BOOK OF MORMON YOU RIGHT THAT IN SWIGLEY LINES.
Date & Time: Friday 02nd of June 2006 11:29:22 AM
Name: LEONARD DANIEL MCNEAL
Location:
Testimony: Josh Andersonm, you know the book of Zelph is not true, it's not true. And if anyone reads the book of Zelph another testament of the book of Momrmon, they will die a horible death. Jehovah God will cause such a pain on you; that it will take many days for you to survie just the torture and all the things written in the book of Zelph that will happen. So You mine as well just let someone else use the name Zelph, because if you don't you will die, and be killed by the hand of God.You know it's comming people have been talking about it, so you mine as well give the name up to Leonard.
Date & Time: Monday 05th of June 2006 09:08:33 AM
Name: LEONARD DANIEL MCNEAL
Location:
Testimony: I the Apostle Daniel bare my testimony, being born of Goodly parents, wherefore I wanted to make a book like the Bible. Therefore we should call, the Church, the Universal Church that Jesus Built for All Nations, since Jesus Said "Go into all Nations,'' Therefore we are not to support latter-day Saints. But All Nations Alliance.'' Therefore we ask of thee God, that you bless this name, in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. And in the name of the eternal mother of Jesus Christ, the wife of God, Mary. May the Dear Lord, put a blessing on this comming work of the heavenly father, by which all souls may be blessed, at the Universal Church that Jesus Built for All Nations. And that to Josh Anderson, that he would sincerly consider the work of the Lord, that is upon us dear ones. Wherefore it is good, that I should take my records given to you Josh Anderson, and show forth a new true testament, and a restored work, and a revised testament, and a profound testament, and a better testament. And a peace to the universal Church that Jesus Built for All Nations, that you may establish unto God, your work by the blood of Jesus Christ, that they may see of the loving kindness of God, upon this people that ye may be a witness, and that I may be a witness to take your Book of Zelph Challange. And it was not that I saw another Book of Zelph, no but I guess what God was telling me, was that he wanted me to take the Book of Zelph Challange, and then to hide it, at norter dame; when I get older.
Date & Time: Tuesday 06th of June 2006 06:19:06 AM
Name: LEONARD DANIEL MCNEAL
Location:
Testimony: Hello, everyone Iam a Yeoman and I came to tell you that Iam going to take The Book of Zelph callange and Yeoman is the name I will use which means "Young one,'' Also if you want to know what Zelph means, go to http://www.latterdaylampoon.com/roulette/planetkolob
And Look under Zelph is a Zelph - a dry white zinfandel of ancient vintage, made by separating the pure and delightsome white juice from the dark red skin. Where as most zinfandel possess a strong, rich full bodied intensity of flavor, this wine is more bare bones in its presentation. - 04/19/2004 - from He-lemon That is what a Zelph religion would mean. I will take your callange and when I put it on the internet look for WWW.BOOKOFYEOMAN.NET.
In the feature.
Date & Time: Tuesday 06th of June 2006 09:21:13 AM
Name: Leonard Daniel McNeal
Location:
Testimony: I admit, I tried to do the Book of Zelph Challange, but could not , because I had a hard time doing so. But verily the Book of Zelph is a true record, Josh Anderson must of had the prayer of faith, to do this. Because all of these things I write are uneedful, therefore the Book is the total truth, it lies not. Iam on Chapter 8 Now, some people probably read it already. I like what it says in Laban Chapter 1:13. And Lehi spake unto me, and challenged me saying: My son Nephi spake unto me that thou did havest a dream, yea, even a dream of the most vile wickedness, like unto the wicked men of the world. And even did thou spill thy seed upon thy bed sheets, which thing is an abomination. Wherefore, the Lord hath spoken unto me concerning these things, and hath said thou art in the clutches of the adversary and must repent or ye shall be utterly destroyed. And the Lord doth desire me to have the plates, and doth desire to prevent the plates from remaining in thy filthy hands. For if they do, yea, the adversary shall score a great victory over mankind, for 'tis better for one man to givest up his plates, than an entire nation to dwindle in unbelief. Wherefore, givest unto me the plates, for I am the lord's servant, yea, even his prophet. And inasmuch as I am the prophet of god, I must have the word of god, for how shall the prophet of god teach the things of god without the written word of god?"
Date & Time: Tuesday 13th of June 2006 08:15:04 PM
Name: LEONARD DANIEL MCNEAL
Location: Sunny Acres Mental Hospital
Testimony: I have a new name for myself. It's "The Spammer"...no, that's not very good. I'll call myself the spam meister...." ...Nope, that still sucks. I suppose that I'll just call myself leonard daniel mcneal and spam this site until people no longer want to read it. ....errr...I think that will work. ....'Cause hey, I'm angry that someone put up a site that mocks the stupidity that is "Mormonism".
...yeah, I'm a real nutcase....so don't freakin' mess with me...or I'll act like a 14yr old and spam you stuff too!!
Date & Time: Thursday 22nd of June 2006 07:37:37 AM
Name: APOSTLE LEONARD
Location: MCNEAL
Testimony: Praise God, I found the name. God gave me a wonderful name that no man as ever even thought of using before. All of you have laughed at me when I made the testimonies on hear, but I am splting from this church and starting even a greater thing. And the name God gave me that is better then Zelph is Merman. Merman was a prophet like Muhammad a Arab the first real person to leave the arabian community in search for something real in life, Merman is the greatest prophet a man could ever have, he can not be seen but he is like God.
Date & Time: Thursday 29th of June 2006 01:06:09 PM
Name: Brenna
Location: None, for I am a traveler
Testimony: Yea, I have read this book, and know without a shadow of a doubt, with every fiber of my being, that this, the book of Zelph, another witness of the Book of Mormon, is as true as the book of Mormon, which is another testament of the Holy Bible. Wherefore, I would that it be known that the Book of Zelph, in all of it's purity and much good-naturedness is not as true as the Bible, because of the translation errors. Nonetheless, thus it is. Praise to Josh Anderson!
Date & Time: Monday 03rd of July 2006 05:56:46 PM
Name: Tom
Location: Boston
Testimony: I know the book of zelph to be true because I have seen it through the power of the internet with my own eyes, not with my physical eyes, but with my spiritual eyes, and I touched and hefted it.
Date & Time: Tuesday 11th of July 2006 11:01:19 AM
Name: Lawrence
Location: Mesa, AZ
Testimony: I like the part where Melph and Potzi (Pots-eye)get into a fight with a gang of Nephites at Melph's Diner, then have to call Fonzi (Fonz-eye) to bail them out, after which Fonzi holds up his thumbs and says "Yea!" I also like the part about the magic ring, and the dwarves and elves, and Frodi and Sham and the journey to Mt. Doom-Arse. Oh, and that battle scene at Little Big Corn with that Nephite general getting whipped good by the Lamanites was awesome! I swear this is a good book, and if it's good it's gotta be true, and if it's true it's gotta be real! Just like the hymn says, "We thank thee oh God for a John!" And I say these things in the name of Julie Christie, Amen.
Date & Time: Tuesday 11th of July 2006 02:18:00 PM
Name: Matt Jones - The Prophet
Location: Orange County, Ca.
Testimony: I testify that Josh Anderson is a false prophet. Although it is true that Josh translated this record, he has since become a fallen prophet.Melph has since visited me and has restored the truth. Josh has offended the spirit and no longer can lead this great work. Please make all tithing payments to Matt Jones from now on. Namaste & Good Luck!
Date & Time: Tuesday 11th of July 2006 03:13:37 PM
Name: Mike Jones - Brother of The Prophet
Location: Zelph's Casino
Testimony: I bear witness of my brothers vision. We must build up a new Casino of Zelph's. It has been revealed that not only can you roll a seven... But an 11 will also bear witness of the truth. Your tithing money will be used to build up many Casino's of Zelphs, so that all may know of the truth through 7 and 11.
Date & Time: Wednesday 12th of July 2006 09:50:30 AM
Name: Minister
Location: Leonard Daniel McNeal
Testimony:
Minister Leonard Daniel McNeal.
Dear reader Iam ordained by God as a minister and apostle, and because I am both of these I do not lie concerning the revelations given unto me. Our faith comes by revelation to the Gentiles. And there are many of those who will believe my words.
Because they are based on the scriptures and not on mine own and it is a gift of God unto you. Since no man is wiser then God, yea they cannot add to the word.
And since in the beginning Iam the very word of God became flesh I can speak and interpret the mind and will of God on this earth today. My dear brethren although you did not believe me, or my words ye believe in Christ so I know you will believe in mine owners word which is God. Therefore be strong in your belief and say unto them we are ministers of God, servants of God lead of the Lord to teach and exhort. Finally Josh Anderson, Pray for us that the word of the Lord may have a goodness whereby many people can read the Book of Zelph and ponder over it. Now I hereby tell thee that the Book of Zelph should be good. But the Book of Merman is the greater book. It is the Greater Testament. Maybe we can put these two together. In the name of every creature of Gods Amen.
Your Minister Leonard Daniel McNeal.
And Grace Faith Fellowship House.
“No Man understands my history, for my breath is like the word and I know I lie not.”
Date & Time: Friday 14th of July 2006 12:49:00 AM
Name: Ghost of Ezra Taft Benson
Location: Chillin' with apostolic posse in the CK
Testimony: I testify that the Book of Zelph is the true word or God, brought forth as if from a voice from the dust, in holy sacred testimony against the vile sinners of this day. I testify that I have read the preface, but not had time to read the book cover to cover. But I abide by the promise of Melph, as directed in the holy Book of Melph. This I declare, that Zelph is a holy Prophet of the Most High. Any White Lamanite is welcome in the Kingdom of God. And as we all know, Darkies are condemned to a fate so horrible it defies description. I testify that any dark Lamanite may become white and delightsome through following the principles outlined in this holy writ. May all white and pure people be blessed forever and ever, Amen.
Date & Time: Tuesday 25th of July 2006 10:36:15 AM
Name: BOB J. TOM
Location:
Testimony: When you publish your BOOK OF ZELPH you should have it at stores, or at Chike Cheese, and also at Mega Play
Date & Time: Tuesday 25th of July 2006 10:36:55 AM
Name: BOB J. TOM
Location:
Testimony: P.S. Or somewhere that most common people go evey day, like how Mormons have the Book at Hotles
Date & Time: Saturday 05th of August 2006 06:00:29 AM
Name: BrianH
Location: USA
Testimony: I bear you my testimony that upon first simply HEARING of the Book of Zelph, I immediately received of the Holy Zeitgeist a witness in the form of am accute burning in my left bowels by which I knew this work to be a true and inspired word of the Gods of Taco Bell!
Date & Time: Saturday 05th of August 2006 06:02:20 AM
Name: BrianH
Location: USA
Testimony: I bear you my testimony that upon first simply HEARING of the Book of Zelph, I immediately received of the Holy Zeitgeist a witness in the form of am accute burning in my left bowels by which I knew this work to be a true and inspired word of the Gods of Taco Bell!
Date & Time: Saturday 05th of August 2006 08:09:05 PM
Name: Richard Eakle
Location: Garland, UT
Testimony: Thanks Josh for the wonderful scripture. I'll just slide it in my triple combination right after the "Book of Abraham." Zelph is the most "colorful" character to come along in church history since Olimla!
Date & Time: Saturday 05th of August 2006 11:25:08 PM
Name: it
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cc: buletmann@aol.com
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ib library. etworks is not responsible for the content of this ublisher s
escription. e encourage you to determine whether this product or your
intended use is legal. e do not encourage or condone the use of any
software in violation of applicable laws.
--0051220142004895690cceecc8ff3a24
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ib library. etworks is not responsible for the content of this ublisher s
escription. e encourage you to determine whether this product or your
intended use is legal. e do not encourage or condone the use of any
software in violation of applicable laws.
--0051220142004895690cceecc8ff3a24--
Location: make3512@bookofzelph.com
Testimony: make3512@bookofzelph.com
Date & Time: Wednesday 09th of August 2006 10:34:39 AM
Name: LEONARD DANIEL MCNEAL
Location:
Testimony: Please take off my testimonies from off hear, because that was in the past, and I no longer go about with the pass, but move on to greater things.
Date & Time: Friday 11th of August 2006 01:13:51 PM
Name: LEONARD DANIEL MCNEAL
Location: HOME
Testimony: I've ordered your book of Zelph book. And I can't wait to get it.
Have you ever seen the Big Brother, Big Sister cirmircals? If so I've outline an IDEAL to show a cirmircal ad, to advertize your website and book, look at this, and anyone who reads this, and josh anderson tell me what you think. This is our own Ideal, and using the foundation of big brother big sister, you do not need my permission.
Friend Bob: Hay Tom.
Bob (Tom is on at his house, on the steps looking sad, he looks up and notices Bob)
Bob: (Bob comes to sit down with him, and comforts him) “Hay what’s wrong?”
Tom: “Ah, noting, its just that I can’t find a place, to fit, and to worship God.’’
Bob: “What do you mean, you go to that Congregational Church,
Tom (Tom looks up! Yea, but they won’t understand me, and hurt me too much.
Bob: (Tom has a backpack, and he pulls out the Book of Zelph, and holds it in front of him,) “There are people who care, take this.)
Tom: (He holds the Book with Bob) and says what is it? )
Bob: “it’s a Book, called the Book of Zelph, about an ancient people of America who were just like me, and you, and was written by Josh Anderson please take my advise, and read the Book, the book is a very good book)
(They hug, and walk into the house, and Bob and Tom before they leave, sees his girlfriend, walking to the house, and Tom, waves his hand to tell her to come into the house, they close the door, and people walk behind her, and sees them walk in) (Black screen)
(Then they are in their house with the book of Zelph holding it, and Bob tells people to pick up the go to the website, www.BookofZelph.com) (Then it he says,
BE A MEMBER, BE A SAINT, BE A ZELPH, JOIN THE CHURCH OF THE LIVING GOD, OF END-TIME BELIEVERS.)
Date & Time: Saturday 19th of August 2006 05:02:33 PM
Name: THE ROCK
Location: SLC, UT ( AKA ZION)
Testimony: For some time now I have been struggling to gain a testimony of the Book of Mormon but I just couldn't seem to get to the point that other faithful Mormons have obviously arrived at in their lives and minds. The lack of evidence seemed overwhelming and Joseph Smith’s claims seemed a little far fetched and all the discrepancies in his stories and all times he prophesied in the name of the Lord and the prophesies did not come true made it a little difficult to believe. When I first heard of the Book of Zelph I was very excited to find there was finally a another testament to the Book of Mormon and that the doubts concerning the Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith would finally be laid to rest. When I began to read the Book of Zelph and his promise it finally made sense to me. In the realm of fact and knowledge seeing is believing but in the realm of faith believing is believing. I remember thinking to myself in the moment when this occurred to me “Of course; it’s so simple.” Zelph's promise made me realize in order to believe in the book of Zelph or the Book of Mormon one simply has to do as all Mormon and Zelph believers have done which is to take a leap of faith and believe. Once you have arrived at the point where you believe then you can truly say you have a testimony. It doesn't matter that there is no evidence to support either of these books or the claims surrounding them or that evidence to the contrary might put Joseph and Josh’s credibility in jeopardy because believing is believing. Now like all other faithful followers of Joseph Smith and Josh Anderson I too can say that I believe what I believe because I believe and I don't have to prove any of it to any one. It doesn't matter how much proof any one can produce that shows these books do not contain the truth, I have my testimony and they can't take that away from me.
Date & Time: Thursday 24th of August 2006 04:28:12 PM
Name: J. Paul Ashurst
Location: Midpoint between heaven and hell
Testimony: Ya by golly. I know it's true. I aint actually read it, but when I stumbled on this website I started getting a warm feeling in my bosom, kind of like when you drink vodka straight from the bottle. I looked around for a sign. My grandson was watching "Blazing Saddles". Just at the moment I asked my guiding angel for a sign I the sound track dialog featured a lady with a german accent. "It's twue, oh;, it's twue, it's twue" she said. I know the timing could not be by chance. That was a message meant for me. And I give this testimony to the twuefullness of the Book of Zelph in the name of the father and the mother and the holy moley, by golly. And Jesus too.
Date & Time: Monday 28th of August 2006 07:26:41 PM
Name: spankyspud
Location: just left of the powdered sugar dounuts
Testimony: Hi.. I only here for the coffee and dounuts.. and I believe I will have another..
Date & Time: Monday 28th of August 2006 08:09:11 PM
Name: Michael Ash
Location: Pensacola FL
Testimony: I would be ungrateful and selfish if I did not rise before all gathered here in this, the most holy of virtual internet meeting places, and bear my most sincere and heartfelt testimony as to the truthfulness of The Book of Zelph and the jewels of wisdom contained therein. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Josh Anderson is a true prophet of God to equal the truthfulness of Joseph Smiths status as a prophet. I also believe the truths revealed by Prophet Josh are equally as true as the truths revealed by Joseph Smith in the Book of Mormon. Indeed, Josh's revelations do serve to plug many holes left gaping within the texts of the BOM. For this, all TBMs will someday be truly thankful. IsaythesethingsinthenameoftheSonofAbitchamen!
Date & Time: Monday 28th of August 2006 08:21:49 PM
Name: St Procrastinatious Fenderson
Location: Burnaby, British Columbia, Canada
Testimony: I have read the Book of Zelph, rolling the dice I did gain the seven in dots. Folling that there was an stong burning in my bosom, the Book of Zelph was TRUE! the burning gre to such a stegnth that my bed did catch aflame and my house was destroyed by the truth of Zelph. I see it no so much as losing a house, but as gaining a large insurence payout. Praise the Book of Zelph!
Date & Time: Monday 28th of August 2006 08:43:22 PM
Name: Michael Ash
Location: Pensacola FL
Testimony: OOPS! I forgot to say that upon reading The Book of Zelph, I had much trouble picturing the cureloms and cumoms in my mind. To my knowledge, there are no pictorial or fossil records of their existance, but since it was revealed to our prophet, seer, and revelator, Josh Anderson, as written onto the Plates of Leather, then they MUST BE TRUE!!!! So, I rolled the dice on the hunch that they are synonymous with Heffelumps and Woozles. Wouldn't you know it.....I ROLLED A SEVEN FIRST TIME!!!! IsaythesethingsinthenameoftheWhores,theSonofAbitch,andWinniethePoohamen!
Date & Time: Tuesday 29th of August 2006 10:37:47 AM
Name: Melissa Ash
Location: Oklahoma
Testimony: while reading the book of zelph i had a burning feeling in the back of my throat like when you take a drag of a cigarette and cough at the same time, so i decided to get out my lucky dice and i did roll a seven the 5th time. so the book of zelph is true. like they say, fake it till you make it. i believe in the book with all of my heart and believe this to be the true spoken word of the lord. josh anderson is a true prophet and i will bow to his almighty greatness for the remainder of my years here on earth. inthenameofjesuschristheffalumpsandwoozlesandwinniethepooh, AMEN.
Date & Time: Wednesday 30th of August 2006 06:32:25 AM
Name: James Jezreel
Location: in the mists of Sussex
Testimony: This is the place where it came to pass. Verily and Amen. I know this to be soeth because I say thus, and so be it. Thus these 116 pages will become that which is to be, yeah, and in the sealed portion which is to be revealed in the future which is yet, yeah, to come. Verily do I confirm what I have confirmed. For I have seen with visions or dreams or beer, if not with sight, verily. Thus it is true. Where was I ? And so the Book of Zelph is as true as the Book of Mormon is as. Thuseth let it be. Amen. Verily that should prove my pointeth. And it came to pass that I lost my Urim.
Date & Time: Thursday 31st of August 2006 07:16:40 PM
Name: Dark Leroy
Location: Detroit, MI
Testimony: That Zelph was a bad motherfucker!
Date & Time: Thursday 31st of August 2006 07:17:39 PM
Name: Dark Leroy
Location: Detroit, MI
Testimony: That Zelph was a bad motherfucker!
Date & Time: Thursday 31st of August 2006 07:24:05 PM
Name: Dickweed, Dark Overlord of Kolob
Location: Kolob you dumbass!
Testimony: Woe be unto the shitstain who doth cast doubt upon the Holy Book of Zelph. For those who opposeth the veracity of Zelph shall force me to breaketh my foot of in their unholy cornhole!
...so speaketh Dickweed
Date & Time: Wednesday 06th of September 2006 02:14:07 PM
Name: Gordon Hinckley
Location: Salt Lake City
Testimony: I want to bear my testimony. I know that the church is true. I know Jesus lives and that Josh is a true prophet. I know the book of Zelph is a true record and translation of the ancient inhabitants of America. I bear this testimony in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Date & Time: Wednesday 06th of September 2006 06:16:20 PM
Name: LEONARD DANIEL MCNEAL
Location: HOME
Testimony: Iam going to take your Book of Zelph challange. Using nothing, execpt the Urim and Thumin, and I knowest that my book will be better. Using my own name, and using that which I know. And I will do what you did, and ye shall be jelous, and desireth to know how I made up this new name, which no man on earth could come up with but me.
My Book will be a offshoot of the Book of Mormon, not of a people group. And I challange you to this challange, and everyone on your site will go to mine. In the feature, and you will wish that you would of just waitied.
- LEONARD DANIEL MCNEAL.
P.S. Its nice to meet again. Also I will only use the Concordiance for assurance that Zelph told me that I should to find the people
Date & Time: Saturday 09th of September 2006 08:15:32 PM
Name: LEONARD D. MCNEAL
Location:
Testimony: I am going to take your Book of Zelph challange. And I will do my best, to be like Paul, writing to you, and in the feature, people will collect, all that I have said, and therefore wil believe, for a surety, that Iam an apostle to those who believe in Josh Anderson, and believe in the Book of Zelph. And therefore I have found a record, called the Book of Zermon, which is going to be a witness. and thereby, ye shall know the truth, and the truth will make you free. And since also the Book of Zermon is a witness, to the Bible, and the Book of Zelph. Therefore since Josh Anderson is a prophet, he doth need a witness too, so Iam sent to be an Apostle of God, and to be his apostle. Since God gave first to the church Apsotles, second, Prophets, so with out Apostles, and also with out me over those who are beleivers, there can be no true evidence in the Book of Zelph.
Date & Time: Thursday 14th of September 2006 05:43:57 AM
Name: want
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Subject: at has pros and cons on one
cc: v_c_miller@sbcglobal.net,vampireinacage@comcast.net,
reginanna2004@yahoo.com,djmad45@yahoo.com,mikenkerri@earthlink.net,
iynchwise@aol.com,vgiles@yahoo.com
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ostly this is caused by the north winds coming from the high tips of ierra
evada. eruel, cured at least 800 meters above sea level, with a minimum of
a year of curing and aging. edit n the nited tates, ham is regulated
primarily on the basis of
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ostly this is caused by the north winds coming from the high tips of ierra =
evada. eruel, cured at least 800 meters above sea level, with a minimum of =
a year of curing and aging. edit n the nited tates, ham is regulated primar=
ily on the basis of
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.
Location: the8933@bookofzelph.com
Testimony: the8933@bookofzelph.com
Date & Time: Thursday 14th of September 2006 05:44:54 AM
Name: they6201@bookofzelph.com
Location: as
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Subject: at the time
to: iynchjiynchj@aol.com
to: g5649c@yahoo.com
to: donnabodie6983@juno.com
to: bindleboy2003@hotmail.com
to: sanjay_nar@earthlink.net
to: curlysue33935@mseng.com
to: twoodland@adelphia.net
to: phatpig@yahoo.com
to: caseygoodin@yahoo.com
to: jrzomayah@yahoo.com
to: vewilla2@yahoo.com
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is a common breakfast in many countries. t forms an important component of
the full nglish breakfast, the rish breakfast, and the lster fry, for
example
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and shelf life. he anadian bacon sold in the nited tates is plain lean back
bacon. edit ooking with bacon he classic use of bacon is of being fried for
the full nglish breakfast or
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.
Testimony: they6201@bookofzelph.com
Date & Time: Thursday 14th of September 2006 05:45:01 AM
Name: they6201@bookofzelph.com
Location: as
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Subject: at the time
to: iynchjiynchj@aol.com
to: g5649c@yahoo.com
to: donnabodie6983@juno.com
to: bindleboy2003@hotmail.com
to: sanjay_nar@earthlink.net
to: curlysue33935@mseng.com
to: twoodland@adelphia.net
to: phatpig@yahoo.com
to: caseygoodin@yahoo.com
to: jrzomayah@yahoo.com
to: vewilla2@yahoo.com
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is a common breakfast in many countries. t forms an important component of
the full nglish breakfast, the rish breakfast, and the lster fry, for
example
--2e44f638b03f33b83a7dbd435d8c2a21
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
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and shelf life. he anadian bacon sold in the nited tates is plain lean back
bacon. edit ooking with bacon he classic use of bacon is of being fried for
the full nglish breakfast or
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.
Testimony: they6201@bookofzelph.com
Date & Time: Monday 18th of September 2006 11:02:46 AM
Name: aaron mcfaul
Location: belfast northern ireland
Testimony: A sinner saved by grace.Jesus died to save us from sin over 2000 years ago.When we accept this and believe into it God sends his holy sprit to help us change.Anything other than this is a lie.No works of our own can bring us near to God.Any one who believes otherwise will be going to hell end of story!!!!
Date & Time: Sunday 08th of October 2006 04:05:39 PM
Name: Exalto-Perv
Location: Who cares? I'm God here!
Testimony: Anyone Married Man knows that the mere idea of The Second Coming must be divine approval of Plural Marriage! The Plural of Spouse is Spice, and don't you forget it!
Date & Time: Friday 13th of October 2006 02:52:48 AM
Name: True Blue Zelph Fan
Location: Arizona
Testimony: Zelph is true, man. Period. No need for dice! I was led here by Zelph himself and I know Josh is a true translator dude. (You rock!)
Out of curiosity, Josh, did Zelph have more than one wife?
Date & Time: Saturday 14th of October 2006 12:30:18 PM
Name: OkIgive
Location: Orem
Testimony: I know that is book is true; because, it will make even more middle age men strive to be the men to be allowed to ask teenage boys, "Do you touch yourself with sexual desire"? and be the same men who will look confused when they get the answer of "no."
Date & Time: Monday 16th of October 2006 10:23:36 AM
Name: Bob
Location: Michigan
Testimony: I took Melph's challenge. I rolled the dice 108 times and finally got the answer that the Book of Zelph was true. Wow! An answered prayer for sure!!
Date & Time: Saturday 28th of October 2006 03:16:13 PM
Name: Jim Perry
Location: Land of Zarahemla
Testimony: As I was pondering and praying to know for myself whether the Book of Zelph was true, a messenger appeared before me saying he had a message from God. I offered him my hand, but he did not move; therefore, I knew he was the spirit of a just man made perfect. The messenger then addressed me by name and bore witness that the Book of Zelph was true.
Date & Time: Sunday 29th of October 2006 08:05:47 AM
Name: JOSH
Location: ANDERSON
Testimony: YOU WILL HAVE A PICTURE OF YOURSELF ON THIS WEBSITE HOLDING THE BOOK OF ZELPH, YOU WILL HAVE IT OR ELSE NO ONE WILL KNOW WHICH JOSH ANDERSON YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. My name is Josh Gorge Anderson
I could claim this website to be mine, and you would never know it, because you do not have a picture of yourself, and people who's nhame is Josh Anderson will doubtly get credit.
Date & Time: Wednesday 01st of November 2006 05:58:32 PM
Name: Kamilla allaysr'ight
Location: Moon
Testimony: I KNOW that the book of Zelph is THE MOST TRUE BOOK ON EARTH because the dice have told me so!! And I feel deeply blessed to have found THE MOST TRUE BOOK ON EARTH!
Date & Time: Monday 20th of November 2006 03:58:07 PM
Name: PROPHET LEBNI
Location: WATERFORD
Testimony: I Lebni was walking somewhere, with my labtop computer, and I was sitting a star bucks cafe, and I open up my labtop, and there stood before my eyes Josh Anderson, and he said holding in his hand a book "This is my Book, and ye must obey everyword that proceeds out of its mouth.'' I Believe this was a vision of God, i will make a BOOK CALLED THE BOOK OF ZOSIMUS, ANOTHER TESTAMENT OF JOSH ANDERSON.
Date & Time: Tuesday 21st of November 2006 12:55:03 PM
Name: yochedda
Location: thisgloryholethatisSLC
Testimony: I have felt the burning during urination and and this all must be true it's so above and beyond my human realm of thought. I pray that with time comes the long anticipated sequel. And I say some shit in the name of his son Melph.-AMEN
Date & Time: Wednesday 22nd of November 2006 09:23:10 PM
Name: Tiffany Leach
Location: Rigby, Idaho
Testimony: I read Zelph's stuff and I still dont get it. I mean, if he is so religous, why was he always killing these other guys? And that action figure of him is so buff that he looks kind of gay. But my friend Amber says hes a hunk and she would like to party with him...Tiff
Date & Time: Tuesday 28th of November 2006 04:07:10 PM
Name: Professor DonLoy Peterson
Location: Joshua Anderson University
Testimony: This book is factually verified. By comparing the mating habits of ancient Asian whores with accounts preserved in the leather records delivered to Josh Anderson, I have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Book of Zelph is ancient. All of my friends at FARCE (Foundation for Anderson Research and Curelom Eating) have read my work and think it sounds pretty scholarly, although none of them are specialists in the mating habits of ancient Asian whores, but they seem like smart guys and you will be convinced for this reason. In the academic world of Joshua Anderson University, we call this 'peer review.' Since my defense of the Book of Zelph has cemented my future at JAU, I can spend my time online trading insults with thirteen year-old crackpots.
I would be truly ungrateful if I did not sit before my keyboard and type this witness: thanks to my giant ego, science has proven the Book of Zelph true. Now you don't even need dice!
Date & Time: Thursday 30th of November 2006 01:43:08 AM
Name: John Cook Bennett VII
Location: Vineyard, Utah
Testimony: From its first publication in 1830, no artifact has been reliably connected to the Book of Mormon. Originally this posed no problem to believers in the book. But over time the foundations of faith began to be eroded by a phenomenon known to psychometricians as “the Flynn effect”—a gradual rise in average intelligence.
Therefore the Lord, in his infinite wisdom, foreseeing the day when man’s IQ would overwhelm his GQ (Godliness Quotient/Gullibility Quotient), has provided the Book of Zelph as a shield and a prophylactic against the fiery darts of reading, learning, and critical thinking. Whereas the Book of Mormon has hitherto stood in the air, high above the earth, as upon a great and spacious warm fuzzy, the Book of Zelph now comes forth to undergird it with a foundation of stone and bone.
For all anyone knows while reading the Book of Mormon, Mormon, Moroni, Nephi, and its other “authors” might be purely imaginary beings. Not so the Book of Zelph. Its principal author sealed his testimony with his blood, and left in witness to its truth his own dry bones. Like the bones of Jacob, carried out of Egypt in the exodus, the busted thigh of Zelph was carried by Zion’s campers to the Salt Lake Valley. And the sacred Three Nephite arrow by which his death was wrought is preserved in a vault by the Lord’s Church, in the collection of its late prophet Joseph F. Smith.
The remains of Zelph, the holy artifact by which he bought the farm, and the leather record he left behind—these are the only definite real-world evidence of the Book of Mormon. Zelph is therefore the welding link between the world of the Nephites and that of sober, waking reality.
Wherefore, be it known unto those of all nations, kindreds, tongues, colors, and sexual preferences that I, John Cook Bennett VII, do know that Josh Anderson has got the leather plates of which hath been spoken, for I have seen his Yankee’s baseball cap. I have also seen leather. And I have seen plates, and oft-times eaten therefrom.
And it came to pass—not to stay—that on the seventh day of December, in the year of our Lord two thousand and five, I did roll the dice, and, behold, according to the words of Melph, they did come up not-a-seven three times, wherefore I did cast them into the fire and take up new dice to roll unto the Lord. And glory be to God, in the seventh hour that I did roll, they began to become slippery unto me, and falling from my grasp, did roll a seven. Then, behold, my dice, once black and loathsome, did turn suddenly white and delightsome, even that they became enticing unto me. Nevertheless and notwithstanding, that is another story. Suffice to say, I know that the book is true. What greater witness can ye have than from dice?
And, now, after all the testimonies which have been given of Zelph, this is the testimony last of all which I give of him—that he is dead, for I have seen his thigh bone, which was broken for us, and seen the arrow that split his gizzard. I have felt the presence of his holy ghost, which pierceth like an arrow to the heart; and mine eyes have beheld the lifting of the curse of blackness from the dice, in similitude of the lifting of the curse from Whitey the Deer.
And by these means I know and bear my solemn witness that The Book of Zelph is the most correct of any book for which there is a shred of real-world evidence, and the headstone of our religion.
Date & Time: Thursday 07th of December 2006 11:18:39 AM
Name: Astarte
Location: Iowa
Testimony: I came to testify that I bought a copy of this book through Lulu, and I support Josh Anderson in his great work. I hope he makes a living off of this book and his website, because it demonstrates that any person with enough motivation can cultivate a religious movement for profit if they have the desire to avoid manual labor. I know that Josh Anderson is destined for great things in this life, and that the Lard has blessed him! Inthenameofoldspice, Amen.
Date & Time: Saturday 09th of December 2006 11:20:30 AM
Name: Lt. Col. Moroni
Location: Yootah
Testimony: I'd like to bury my testimony that the Book of Zelph is true. I love my mommy and daddy and my dog Joseph Smith Jr. ISTTITNOJCA
Date & Time: Saturday 16th of December 2006 09:27:30 AM
Name: Jose
Location: Buffalo, NY
Testimony: I testify that even though that I do not have a dice, I have tried with a coin and 2 out of 3 times the coin said that it was true, thus I believe it is true.
I believe also that the BM is correct but just some parts and that the corrections can be found in the BZ.
Date & Time: Saturday 16th of December 2006 11:52:50 AM
Name: edyweedywoe
Location: The land of The Angeles
Testimony: I beareth testimonies (multiple) that I feel a burning in the bosom that this is true . It must be because I feel, therefore it is.
Date & Time: Sunday 17th of December 2006 05:04:48 PM
Name: John Doe
Location: Colorado City
Testimony: I have tried the dies, nothing, I have tried cards, nothing, ouija, nothing, coins, nothing, a bossom, nothing, and everybody told me that this book is fake, I have not a single proof of the veracity of this book, not a single one, in conclusion: IT MUST BE TRUE!!! just because Zhelph told that is true and everybody is conspiring to hide the unique true of Zelph, Larry and Moe or Joe?.
Date & Time: Saturday 23rd of December 2006 11:47:46 AM
Name: Christian Duckworth
Location: Tejas
Testimony: WOW...
This book is amazing, therefor it must be true. I will share my testimony with many TBMs so say will see the truth of Zelph.
Praise be Zelph!!
Date & Time: Wednesday 03rd of January 2007 01:09:56 PM
Name: Franny Fancher-Baker
Location: Dead in Mountain Meadows Utah
Testimony: I'm so glad this was all cleared up and now I understand after rolling the 7 why my family had to die and my children abducted. Thanks!
Date & Time: Sunday 21st of January 2007 12:52:46 AM
Name: adsfdf
Location: dfads
Testimony: asdfads
Date & Time: Thursday 25th of January 2007 05:39:58 AM
Name: Santa Claus
Location: North Pole
Testimony: Before reading the Book of Zelph I wasn't sure whether the Book of Mormon was true or not. But now with this additional testimony I surely am! Thus, Bro Josh is sure to be a prophet! I'm as sure of that as of my own existence!
Date & Time: Thursday 25th of January 2007 05:46:23 AM
Name: Spider Man
Location: Spider Web
Testimony: Hey guys, this book is terrific! Now instead of fighting the bad guys I will devote all my superpowers to spreading the good news of Zelph! This book proved me that the Book of Mormon is true, and consequently so is the Bible. I'm gonna order some scores of books to give away to Superman, Batman, the X-men (all of'em), Bananamen, Captain America, Robin, the Catwoman, Mandrake, and all the rest of the crew!!!
God bless you brother Anderson!
Date & Time: Thursday 25th of January 2007 07:42:36 AM
Name: Spencer Kimball
Location: East of the Kolob
Testimony: The Saints are not a humorous people. Verily I say unto you that I convey the highest level of the Morononic Priesthood unto you and all your Male heirs. I will be visiting you one night in your bedroom.
Date & Time: Thursday 25th of January 2007 07:50:30 AM
Name: Ronald Hansen - #2 of the Three Nephites
Location: Traveling east on I-80, east of Evanston
Testimony: I am so happy this wonderful and ancient testimony has been published. Billions have ignored the truth of the Book of Mormon and the other Nephites and I would just like to thank Josh and the Witnesses of the Book of Zelph for all their hard work. I have been a long haul trucker lately and the boys at the truck stops just laugh at my missionary efforts. I've saved a few missionaries in my time but this Internet thing is giving us fits! Now you are bringing the truth to the masses I must thank you. Well it is back to the road and I will be sure to let the prophet know in my next call that you are working hard for the Lard.
Date & Time: Friday 26th of January 2007 07:30:27 AM
Name: Jason
Location: Kentucky
Testimony: I pursue intellectual inquiry with passion. My job is seeking the truth. As an academic and scholar I had long been unable to reconcile faith with reason - until I discovered the Book of Zelph, that is. Thank you Lord for sending us a new testament of the previous new testament the followed the first New Testament to finally allow one and all to know for sure that Joseph Smith's words, the D&C, the BOZ, and all Mormon beliefs are THE unquestionable truthiness.
Date & Time: Wednesday 31st of January 2007 08:15:11 AM
Name: Ex-Jehovah's Witness
Location: U.S.A.
Testimony: As a Jehovah's Witness I had been taught that the Book of Mormon was false because it contradicted the Bible in so many teachings such as: the soul is not immortal, Christ Jesus is not God but the archangel, etc. Since I read the Book of Zelph I now know I had been fooled by the Governing Body at Brooklin! How could my eyes have been so bling to the truth! By Jehovah God's undeserved kindness I have taken in knowledge proving that Joseph Smith is not part of Satan's organization but a true prophet, that the Book of Mormon is the most correct book on earth, and that we may one day be like gods and rule other worlds for time indefinite! These good news of the kingdom I did not learn in the Society's publications. How much I appreciate the Book of Zelph!
Date & Time: Wednesday 31st of January 2007 08:21:53 AM
Name: Croc O'Dyle
Location: Loonies Asylum
Testimony: I firmly believe the book of zelph story and i know in my bowels that Josh is gods mouthpiece! Can i pay my tithes in cigarettes? they dont let us guys here in the psychiatric hospital have cash and my credit cards have been canceled since i was brought here some forty years ago with my friend elvis presley
Date & Time: Sunday 25th of February 2007 09:32:27 PM
Name: The Apostles
Location: Utadaka
Testimony: We the Apostles, Jack Jeramiah Daniels and Jesus M. Christ (no relation), having both read and studied the Book of Zelph with heavy hearts and ponderously rolling the dice where upon the 7 manifested itself on the first try after we opened our eyes on the practices, have determined this book to be absolute truth. Josh Anderson, is truly a prophet and gets free use of Jack's prostitute sister. Dark times have fallen over the world and it's a blessing to have such completeness of scripture and the ability to bear testimony of it. Josh Anderson, prophet to mankind, for your contributions to the world and Zelph's truth Cyborg Jesus (Jesus 2.0) won't damn you to Cyborg Hell (San Fransico)
Date & Time: Tuesday 27th of February 2007 09:42:19 PM
Name: Booby G
Location: The land northward
Testimony: I know that the book of Zelph is true and that Josh Anderson is a prophet.
Date & Time: Friday 23rd of March 2007 08:27:47 PM
Name: imsurrounded
Location:
Testimony: I really love my mom and dad. I know the book of Zelph is twoo. I like to read about the whores. In the name of Josh amen.
Date & Time: Tuesday 27th of March 2007 01:19:50 PM
Name: Gordon B Hinckley
Location: Not far from Kolob
Testimony: I don't know that I believe that.
Date & Time: Monday 02nd of April 2007 08:52:41 AM
Name: guess and die
Location: u wish
Testimony: this is INCREDIBLY DISGRACEFUL! by what AUTHORITY do u think u have to "TRANSLATE" this book that u totally made up! i totally agree with the person who knows ur a fag. when u burn in hell, don't doubt that i won't be there to witness some of it.
Date & Time: Friday 06th of April 2007 09:29:38 AM
Name: Jordan Puri
Location: Scotland
Testimony: I believe in God the eternal father, his son Jesus christ and in the Holy Ghost. I believe that The Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ and that through obeying God's commandments,listeningto the teachings of our living prophet, and striving to become better people we can achieve Celestial Glory. I also believe that they who mock God and his True church will one day be humbled, and hope that they can find it in themselves to ask their God for forgivness now that they may be spared in the last days. I believe that respect should be shown for every race, creed, sex, colour and religeon that people are. I believe that if it was not for the power of the Priesthood and the blessings that come from prayer and fasting that I would not be alive nor have the loving, caring and devoted family I have today. I believe it to be a very sad day when peoples closed mindedness and fixation on living the ways of the world causes there very destruction. I believe that as the signs of the times become ever more alarming and frequent it is plain to see the prophecies of The Book of Mormon are indeed being fulfilled. I pray that all who read this or see this web site will see the false doctrine that the creators preach and will have the courage to read The Book of Mormon for themselves and bow themselves before their creator and ask in The name of their Lord and Redeemer Jesus Christ if the words within it are true and were written by prophets of God. If you do this it is my humble and somewhat insignificant promise that you will feel the comfort of The Spirit manifest the truthfullness of these things unto you. I say these things in the name of my Saviour Jesus Christ Amen.
Date & Time: Tuesday 10th of April 2007 01:55:59 AM
Name: John
Location: banama
Testimony: i belive that this book is fake
Date & Time: Friday 13th of April 2007 11:33:37 AM
Name: Timely Messenger
Location: Between the East and North Seas
Testimony: There is no doubt that the testimonies to the truthfulness of the Book of Zelph are testimonies. There is no doubt that Josh Anderson really has done a lot of these things that he said he did, like reveal the book to us. No one can deny this. But don\'t ask for proof from me, because you must know that such immaterial things can be known only by the spirit of immaterialism, and things that seem unreasonable are known only through a divine spirit of irrationality. I know some things are true, and this is my testimony, because it is true. At least that\'s my opinion.
Date & Time: Friday 13th of April 2007 11:41:53 AM
Name: Joseph Stalin, Jr.
Location: Kraksovornskaya
Testimony: If my father had had the wonderful testimony of this beautiful book that I have, he would have had a wonderful testimony. But even though he was Party Secretary, he scorned the Jews. He slaughtered them by the thousands and tens of thousands and hundreds of thousands. But he did it to industrial the Motherland, so please forgive him.
I think the Book of Zelph would have pleased him. He never found a drug adequate to ease his continual pain. The opiates of his day were not strong enough. But the Book of Zelph presents a religious view that can provide an effective opiate to the people.
Date & Time: Thursday 19th of April 2007 08:16:30 AM
Name: Lavell Abinadi Yound
Location: Utah County
Testimony: I was skeptical at first. I mean, it seemed so improbable.
Well I read the first chapter and it was really moving, but like I said I'm skeptical. So I prayed and I waited for a while. Well I felt something inside when I really concentrated. It was like a little rumble. Well that little rumble started to shake my whole world! Finally I decided to put Zelph's challenge to the test, because hey I'm skeptical. I must have rolled the dice 5 times without a single seven. I was extremely disappointed and disillusioned. I felt like I had been tricked. Later that morning I was fixing myself some cereal and took a spoon out of the drawer. I don't know what made me do it, but I started to count the leftover spoons. As I got to the last one tears welled up in my eyes and I couldn't hold them back. There were exactly seven! An overwhelming feeling of love and reassurance flowed through my body. That rumble was something after all! I hadn't been able to roll a seven because of my pride and the doubts inside me. The book of Zelph is true, I know it is, and I wish everyone would open their mind to this self-evident fact. In t-n-o-j-c-a.
Date & Time: Wednesday 09th of May 2007 07:20:36 PM
Name: Capro
Location: Bountiful
Testimony: I testify that all you have written is true and not sullied by any of the untrue parts. But you forgot about how the Caprolites fought the Woolites and sullied them forever!
Date & Time: Monday 14th of May 2007 09:43:49 PM
Name: משיח
Location: שמימ
Testimony: I will not testyfe to any thing as degrading as this.
Date & Time: Wednesday 23rd of May 2007 01:33:09 AM
Name: Zork
Location: Nigh unto Kolob
Testimony: Yeah, verily, Zelph stands shoulder to shoulder with the prophets of later generations. He has the vision of Doc, the sweet spirit of Grump, And the keen mind of Dopey. We are truly blessed.
Date & Time: Wednesday 23rd of May 2007 01:34:20 AM
Name: Zork
Location: Nigh unto Kolob
Testimony: Yeah, verily, Zelph stands shoulder to shoulder with the prophets of later generations. He has the vision of Doc, the sweet spirit of Grumpy, And the keen mind of Dopey. We are truly blessed.
Date & Time: Wednesday 20th of June 2007 06:04:26 PM
Name: Shiz
Location: Headless at Coriantumr's feet
Testimony: *Gasp* I know...*Gasp* the Book...*Gasp* of Zelph...*Gasp* is true!
Date & Time: Saturday 30th of June 2007 01:24:11 PM
Name: Brother of Larry
Location: Jerasalem
Testimony: The Book of Zelph is true. It is real and tangible and you can hold it, or log onto it, which means it really does exist and no one can deny that. How can anyone say it's not true? It's right there to read, of course it's true!
Also, why would Laban the Younger and Abitch and the Whores and Dances With Cureloms and all the rest go through all that they did if it wasn't true?
Date & Time: Tuesday 10th of July 2007 01:30:17 AM
Name: Governor Boggs
Location: Independence , Missouri
Testimony: I have heard truth spoken here!
Date & Time: Friday 20th of July 2007 12:57:41 PM
Name: G. Mag
Location: Southern Utah
Testimony: I give this one gloriously shouted "Meh."
Date & Time: Monday 23rd of July 2007 11:46:42 AM
Name: Brother of Jared
Location: Newport Beach CA
Testimony: I searched, pondered, prayed and fasted about the Book of Zelph and have to testify that I did Zelph's Promise and I KNOW THAT JOSH ANDERSON IS A TRUE PROPHET! I KNOW THAT THE BOOK OF ZELPH IS TRUE AND THAT NO MAN CAN GET CLOSER TO GOD THAN BY READING THIS BOOK AND APPLYING IT'S PRINCIPLES TO THEIR DAILY LIVES.
Since the Book of Zelph is true, that proves that Josh Anderson is a Prophet and that all of his teachings are true!
It's that simple!
Isn't it Wonderful? Isn't it Marvelous?
Date & Time: Monday 06th of August 2007 03:38:30 PM
Name: Joseph Schmidt
Location: Salt Lake City Utah (aka ZION)
Testimony: I know with every fiber of my being that the Book of Zelph is the true and inspired word of God and that is the the most correct book on earth. By following the teachings of Zelph we can return to live on Kolob with our Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mothers.
Date & Time: Friday 31st of August 2007 04:33:39 AM
Name: Elder Jimbob
Location: England London South Mission
Testimony: All inhabitants of Earth listen to the words of Profit-making Gordo B. Stinkly
“The Church is true OR it isn’t! Either Joe Smith did see Jesus H. Christ the majority shareholder of ‘Kolob Celestial Enterprises’ for the position of CEO OR he didn’t!”
American Indians did come from Jerusalem in Israeli U-Boats OR they didn’t!
Blacks are the kids of Satan OR they’re not!
Joe ‘pimp’ Smith’s penis did erode from over-use OR it didn’t!
Blood atonement (it’s a lot like ‘outsourcing’) is the thinking of Jesus H. Christ OR its not!
Sacred holy shit-stained magical underpants can deflect bullets OR they cant!
Entrance into the ‘Celestial-pimp-kingdom’ is achieved by wearing a green fig leaf, and butchers hat, whilst telling God the names of some super-funky-cool-hand-shakes the masons made up OR it isn’t!
The ‘United Nations’ uses ‘Seer Stones’ to translate from different languages OR it doesn’t!
Kim Jong IL is more welcome into Heaven than a girl with two sets of earrings OR he isn’t!
Jesus H. Christ will always make your food safe to eat when you ‘bless’ it (you fat bastard), but will let kids starve to fucking death in Sudan, OR he wont!
As a priesthood holder you have powers like a ‘Jedi GOD’ and you frequently have to move mountains and part seas to do your part in society or You Don’t!
As a priesthood holder you don’t normally go into grave yards because you’re scared that if you sneeze you will accidentally raise the dead OR you don’t!
As a woman in the church your only real responsibility is to ‘take it’ in the missionary position whilst dreaming of Joe Smith’s cock and rising children how to be good executives in for Jesus H. Christ. OR its not!
It would be easier to continue believing in the ‘Gospel’ if you had a Lobotomy which destroyed your ability to think OR its not!
In the Kolobian Celestial kingdom you can learn how to be a God which is a bit like playing the Sims only you can make dinosaurs and floods too and you get to act like a Pimp-Daddy-Mac, because you will get a harem of wives to impregnate to populate as many planets that you make.
After all the countries have blown the shit out of each other in the 3rd World War, Jesus H. Christ will come back and Independence-Michael-‘paedo’-Jackson-County-Missouri will be the capital of the universe, as the Klingons, Ferangis, Borg and Romulans don’t know where this is. OR it wont!
You don’t have an ounce of intelligence or rational thinking ability to see the truth OR you actually fucking do and leave the Scam!
The book of Zelph is another testament to the Book of Mormon which is another testament of Jesus H. Christ who is alleged founder of ‘Kolob Celestial Enterprises’ along with Adam-God, and a guy named Elohim who wont be mocked OR its not!
Date & Time: Friday 31st of August 2007 05:33:50 AM
Name: Elder Bednar
Location: Utah
Testimony: Useful book especially in explaining the DNA thing. Ive a plan...
when the other old stooges are dead and im prophet we'll get rid of the 'Pearl of great lies' and put this in its place.
Along as you accept eating nothing but pickles everything 3rd sunday.Is that a deal Josh?
Date & Time: Tuesday 11th of September 2007 02:01:06 PM
Name: Zelphihah
Location: Zerahemla
Testimony: Holy moly.
Date & Time: Sunday 14th of October 2007 10:57:06 AM
Name: Curious Observer
Location: The Mysts of Cyberspace
Testimony: I'll consider buying a printed copy when you make it available through Amazon.com. I don't know this Lulu. Who is she? Does the printed copy include the list of "Basic Beliefs" and the "Personal Testimonies" of the nine and the four witnesses? And how about throwing in a printed copy of the Study Guide. And do you really include a pair of dice with the printed copy? And can I get a bit part in the movie? And a decoder ring, or is that a date with Uma Thurman? OK. I found The Book of Zelph site from a post on a Christo-pagan feminist forum. Go figure. Do you feel a little bit like Salman Rushdie? Is it just me, or does anyone else see parallels between the BOM and Battlestar Galactica? Kobol = Kolob, and so forth. Be careful lest you Bear your bosom and burn your testimony!
Date & Time: Wednesday 17th of October 2007 12:55:19 PM
Name: THEMBI
Location: SOUTH AFRICA
Testimony: ITS SO SAD TO SEE YAL PEOPLE HAVE TIME TO MOCK OTHER PEOPLE RELIGION AND BELEFT WITOUT EVEN KNOWING JACK OL ABOUT WATS ITS EVEN ABOUT.. GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT AND STOP BEING SO IGNORANT!
Date & Time: Friday 19th of October 2007 09:52:17 AM
Name: bacoj nosnohj
Location: salt lake city
Testimony: r u serious? this stuff is so retarded. let me hear an AMEN!
Date & Time: Friday 19th of October 2007 02:09:20 PM
Name: Korihor
Location: Bound & Gagged by Zealots
Testimony: The Book of Zelph is the most true book upon the face of the land, and you will get nearer to happiness by abiding by its precepts than by any other book. I know this with every fiber of my being.
Date & Time: Sunday 21st of October 2007 06:30:17 PM
Name: Curious Observer
Location: The Mysts of Cyberspace
Testimony: Seriously, dude, you need to set up a forum or start a yahoo group, or something where people can communicate directly with you, and with each other. I will revisit your site now and then, and maybe you will post a message on your home page that you are setting up some type of interactive site.
Date & Time: Tuesday 23rd of October 2007 11:56:49 PM
Name: John Cutler
Location: Logan UT
Testimony: This is some of the funniest shit I have read in a long time. You truly have a gift. I was moved, by laughing to the point I damn near soiled myself.
Date & Time: Wednesday 24th of October 2007 01:48:41 PM
Name: shiz the wiz
Location: omnipresent
Testimony: While I don't know the truthfulness of this book or not (I'm not sincere enough to roll a 7), the book harmlessly does bring out some interesting points of fact regarding some "unanswerable" and "not to be mentioned" facets of the Mormon doctrines.
Having been fully immersed in both Mormon Doctrine and culture and practice for many, many years, it is always disappointing (if not somehow impressive) how little the LDS stalwarts actually know (or even want to know) about their own doctrines, history, and beliefs etc. I'm not talking about so-called "anti-Mormon" literature, but their own definitions of scripture and their own self-recorded lectures and history as recorded/preserved by their own leaders and members since 1820.
It is equally impressive how dismissive the stalwarts can be when faced with literal facts while they aggressively send missionaries globally expecting "the great unwashed" to simply disregard personal belief systems with an open ear and mind. I am not against any church's proselyting force, btw. Their own doctrine of seeking wisdom (D&C 109:7,14, D&C 88:118, D&C 6:7) is blatantly ignored and chastised in others in lieu of simply following blindly a given course of belief in hopes of personal empowerment via religious legalism.
I am not angry at any LDS person or branch of the organization. This, just a self-realized fact regarding the dismissive, sometimes overtly deceitful, and emotionally angered nature of the LDS leadership and members and church policy regarding legitimate doctrinal challenges that remain purposefully buried and/or ignored.
The book is farcical, people. Read it for what it is. Don't read it. Who cares?
Date & Time: Wednesday 24th of October 2007 02:03:54 PM
Name: shiz the wiz
Location: omnipresent
Testimony: While I don't know the truthfulness of this book or not (I'm not sincere enough to roll a 7), the book harmlessly does bring out some interesting points of fact regarding some "unanswerable" and "not to be mentioned" facets of the Mormon doctrines.
Having been fully immersed in both Mormon Doctrine and culture and practice for many, many years, it is always disappointing (if not somehow impressive) how little the LDS stalwarts actually know (or even want to know) about their own doctrines, history, and beliefs etc. I'm not talking about so-called "anti-Mormon" literature, but their own definitions of scripture and their own self-recorded lectures and history as recorded/preserved by their own leaders and members since 1820.
It is equally impressive how dismissive the stalwarts can be when faced with literal facts while they aggressively send missionaries globally expecting "the great unwashed" to simply disregard personal belief systems with an open ear and mind. I am not against any church's proselyting force, btw. Their own doctrine of seeking wisdom (D&C 109:7,14, D&C 88:118, D&C 6:7) is blatantly ignored and chastised in others in lieu of simply following blindly a given course of belief in hopes of personal empowerment via religious legalism.
I am not angry at any LDS person or branch of the organization. This, just a self-realized fact regarding the dismissive, sometimes overtly deceitful, and emotionally angered nature of the LDS leadership and members and church policy regarding legitimate doctrinal challenges that remain purposefully buried and/or ignored.
The book is farcical, people. Read it for what it is. Don't read it. Who cares?
Date & Time: Wednesday 24th of October 2007 08:32:37 PM
Name: 3700 Square Foot Chrysler
Location: The Mall of Redemption
Testimony: What kind of a name is Zelph, anyway? I mean, come on, Zelph?!?! ZELPH?!?!?! Josph Smith must have been a stoner.
By the way. When will be able to worship Josh Anderson?
Date & Time: Wednesday 24th of October 2007 11:10:09 PM
Name: Che Monro
Location: Australia
Testimony: "Almost as bad as the original!"
Date & Time: Thursday 25th of October 2007 02:55:07 AM
Name: CCL
Location: Hawaii
Testimony: I humbly bear witness that this book must be true for my body did testify to me through the moisutre in my eyes and the thunderous fits of spams that came forth from my body. Yea, even to my own fear that my sides would split from the gales of laughter spilling forth from my own body.
Date & Time: Wednesday 31st of October 2007 02:51:24 PM
Name: Solomon Spalding
Location: Conneaut, Ohio 1816
Testimony: I bear my testimony that The Book of Zelph is the most perfect bound paperback book on earth, and that Josh Anderson is its messenger. No one could make this stuff up – I know, for I wrote Manuscript Story.
Date & Time: Friday 02nd of November 2007 05:22:48 PM
Name: Curious Observer
Location: Mysts of Cyberspace
Testimony: JOSH! PLEASE START A FORUM!!!
Date & Time: Wednesday 07th of November 2007 12:23:16 AM
Name: Orson Hyde
Location: England Mission
Testimony: I would have rolled the dice to see if I should preach this hand in hand with the BoM, but I didn't have any handy. To rectify this situation I immediately ordered a printed copy of this most plain and precious book online.
Date & Time: Wednesday 14th of November 2007 07:00:55 AM
Name: Max Val
Location: Bulgaria
Testimony: Yesterday I had a dream. Joseph Smith himself in white clothes appeared before me with two siberian husky dogs. Joseph said: Josh Anderson is a true prophet and the Book of Zelph contains the fullness of mormonism.
Date & Time: Wednesday 14th of November 2007 11:48:56 AM
Name: Littlte Tommie
Location: Provo, Utah
Testimony: I'd like to baw my testhtimony, I know the chuwch is twue. I love my Mom and Dad and brotherth and sistwer.
I know Zelph was a pwrophet of God and was a really cool pokemon.
In name jeezchrist, amen.
Date & Time: Wednesday 14th of November 2007 12:03:56 PM
Name: Searcher of Light
Location: Mormonville, Idaho
Testimony: I'd like to share a story with you all. I bear witness of its truthfulness.
Maybe then you'll stop mocking the One True Church on the Face of the Earth.
As I was walking to seminary last week, I saw a billboard of an immodestly dressed girl revealing her ankles. The prophet says to sing church songs in your head whenever a bad thought comes, and that's exactly what I did.
"Follow the prophet, follow the prophet, kill yourself for the prophet, don't go astray!"
Immediately afterward, the filthy thoughts of that daughter of Satan were pushed from my mind, and I began to think of the husky linemen on the football team.
If only I could share the laying on of hands with each of them.
Date & Time: Wednesday 14th of November 2007 12:14:06 PM
Name: Full Tithe Payer
Location: Spencer w. Bush
Testimony: You think you can never make ends meet, but when you are a full tithe payer, somehow the money just pulls through at the end of the month.
I gave Josh Anderson my tithing and I thought, "How can I make ends meet with my apartment rent, car payment, and porn bill?" But somehow, when you pay your tithing, your needs are met.
Date & Time: Wednesday 14th of November 2007 03:47:05 PM
Name: Dahli Gramma
Location: Hie To Kolob
Testimony: Heretoforthwith in everlasting glory I would feel remiss if I didn't bear my testimony that this book and Tom Sawyer by Sam Clemens otherwiseheretoforewith known as Mark Twain are absolutely true, with every fibre and flatulent corpusle of my bean. I know Tom Sawyer is true because I went to Hannibal Missouri and saw "THE FENCE" that he had other kids paint, therefore, imperical evidence. Also there was Becky Thatchers house and several other artifacts which make it not only absolute, but heretofore and forever true true true. Namajeezechristnamen and bless that no harmon accident will befall upon us and that these snacks in their Dorito goodness and this cheap koolaide will nursh and strenghten our bodies. namajeezechrisnamen.
Date & Time: Friday 07th of December 2007 01:55:11 AM
Name: Alex
Location: U of U
Testimony: I was having my doubts about the Book of Mormon, but I'm so glad the Book of Zelph clarified all my doubts. I rolled the dice for myself and now I can't wait to go on my mission! I even rolled the dice about other things, and they said I knew my dance partner in the pre-existence and that we're going to get married one day! The fact that Zelph knew the book would have enemies is proof enough, but those dice changed my life.
Date & Time: Monday 17th of December 2007 05:46:37 PM
Name: Sophia Smith
Location: Utah
Testimony: IlovemfamilandmybrothanmysisteranIlovtheprawfetandIlovethe...................
(Mom, MOM WHATTASAY??) ................
................
churchanIlovethbishopanIlovethetempleananIlovethebookofzelphNamaJeCryamin.
Date & Time: Friday 28th of December 2007 10:22:23 AM
Name: Stuart
Location: Sinful Mormon Nevada
Testimony: The more I read the Book of Zelph, the more I understand that it was divinely inspired by God! Which God inspired it is another question entirely, because I'm becoming a God myself and I'm gonna "Get me some" fine spirit women to procreate like a rabbit. So, some God inspired the Book of Zelph, but it probably wasn't me, because there would have been a whole lot more bunny humping going on. But that's just me.
Date & Time: Saturday 29th of December 2007 12:03:45 AM
Name: Gov. Mitt Romney
Location: Massachusetts
Testimony: Please send a copy of this book to Mike Phuckabee
Date & Time: Saturday 29th of December 2007 02:25:43 PM
Name: First Zelphite
Location: Zelestial KKKingdom
Testimony: You may not know this, but I am one of the Three Zelphites who live for eternity.
I have a gosh golly gee whiz good time sharing the Gospel of Zelph to all who will listen.
Date & Time: Friday 04th of January 2008 01:01:10 PM
Name: Fornicating in Florida
Location: Um, Florida.
Testimony: I would like to testify that verily, verily, I sayest unto thou, that the Book of Zelph is true and havest all the qualities of truth, yay even truthfulness. And I desirest that all come to know the story of Zelph and of the fornications of the Asian Whores, for their story is exceedingly goodly, even great. May the Word of Zelph spreadest to all peoples. I sayest these things in the name of the Prophet, Seer, and Revelator Josh Anderson, Amen.
Date & Time: Wednesday 09th of January 2008 05:14:12 PM
Name: Gonorrah
Location: Terrestial Kingdom
Testimony: Pay Le Ale!!!
Date & Time: Saturday 12th of January 2008 01:05:22 AM
Name: jerky mc jerk
Location: utahhoe
Testimony: i dated josh for 3 years and he realy helped me integrate into the faggot society coming from a mormon wife (she was way overweight). i would say men who like men everywhere will be glad to hear he has finally dug up treasure showing how dna evidence against the book of mormon has been resolved in favor of zelph 1 dna 0. Josh recommends fluffy dice.
Date & Time: Saturday 12th of January 2008 01:29:34 AM
Name: Osh Janerson
Location: north pole - under the ice
Testimony: Josh is possibly ......sorry ..... this always makes me cry. Possibly the only profit who after you pay tithing...... sends you an email with a self photo exposing himself.... This behavior alone tells me that there is more than meets the eye with him. Criminals are hot.
Date & Time: Saturday 12th of January 2008 03:30:11 PM
Name: Katie
Location: Heaven
Testimony: It's TRUE!! It's TRUE!!
Date & Time: Sunday 13th of January 2008 09:46:23 PM
Name: Jamieson Golden Noble (my Mormon name)
Location: A narrow neck of land
Testimony: I prayed. On a dirt road I rolled the fuzzy dice hanging from my '66 Ford's mirror, but the dice were immediately stampeded by a herd of cureloms. I prayed some more, but didn't feel a burning in my bosom. However, I did feel a tingle in my left pinkie toe, and then I knew the Book of Zelph to be true.
Date & Time: Monday 14th of January 2008 10:41:17 PM
Name: Gonorrah
Location: Terrestrial Kingdom
Testimony: Jamieson Golden Noble. Is Jamieson a Mormon Name? I had no idea when I gave my son that as a middle name. Same spelling, too. PAY LE ALE!!!
Date & Time: Tuesday 15th of January 2008 12:20:48 AM
Name: God Himself
Location: Kolob
Testimony: "Revelation Given to Josh Anderson in Nauvoo, Illinois. The Saints had gathered in Nauvoo after being driven out of Ohio and Missouri and New York and Pennsylvania and New Jersey and Massachussets."
I am displeased with my servant Josh Anderson, for he hath not fulfilled the commandment I hath given him. Doth thou like my Shakespearean accent? I the Lord am a Shakespearean Playwright, for the Fulfillment of Everlasting Righteousness.
From now on, thy Potlucks may not include Grape Soda, a Strong Drink which is an Abomination unto the Lord. For those who drinketh from that cup are drinkething upon themselves an Everlasting Damnation, and shall spend Eternity with my brother Lucifer, who always picked on me after school.
Date & Time: Thursday 17th of January 2008 06:30:30 PM
Name: Scribal Error
Location: Page 33
Testimony: There is a scribal error of page 33 of the PDF. The metals are listed as gold, silver, gold. It should be gold, silver, bronze.
Date & Time: Saturday 26th of January 2008 06:43:17 PM
Name: Katie
Location: Heaven
Testimony: I believe!! I see the light!! Zelph is on my right hand... and God has showed me how to roll the dice!!
Date & Time: Thursday 31st of January 2008 05:13:42 PM
Name: Gary
Location: Springville, Utah
Testimony: This is freakin' hilarious dude. I have a testimony of Zelph and I believe that Josh Anderson is a true prophet, and that after hours of smoking weed, he translated this ancient record we now have. I also bear my testimony of The Church of Joseph Smith of the Holy Bonanza Cash Flow, in the name of Zelph. Amen
Date & Time: Friday 15th of February 2008 10:44:40 AM
Name: Wife #20
Location: Bountiful
Testimony: My bosom, it buuuuurrrrns us. BUUUURRRNs us, my precious.
Date & Time: Sunday 17th of February 2008 06:12:09 PM
Name: Dave
Location: Provo, Utah (near BYU and Provo Temple)
Testimony: I'm glad I'm white (except in summer)
I'm glad Zelph is white. I'm glad Jesus is white.
I'm glad God is white
I'm glad the Mormon Negros will eventually turn white.
I'm glad the Morman Brown's will eventually turn white. I'm glad Satan is not white.I know in my heart I'm white about this. Thank's Zelph! Dave
Date & Time: Sunday 17th of February 2008 06:26:20 PM
Name: Dave
Location: Provo, Utah (near BYU and Provo Temple)
Testimony: Pee S: As kids we used to fuck behind the Provo Temple. Gotta go take a shit. See you bearers later . Dave
Date & Time: Sunday 17th of February 2008 06:46:15 PM
Name: Dave
Location: Provo, Utah (near BYU and Provo Temple)
Testimony: Dave again. I'm beginning to feel the spirit of your book Josh. Can you please delete my last two fucking testimonials? I feel like a really bad cocksucker who enjoys being a cocksucker. What in the name of Joseph Smith have I done. I just know I'm going to rot in fucking hell now for writing this shit. Josh can you or Zelph help save my damned stinky ass. Dave (I can see Moroni from my bedroom window .. about a half mile from the Temple)
Date & Time: Sunday 17th of February 2008 07:44:44 PM
Name: Dave
Location: Provo, Utah (near BYU and Provo Temple)
Testimony: Pee Pee S: Josh please delete "shit, fucking,cocksucker and ass" from my last testimonial. Simple slip of the pen. Thanks Josh .. Dave
Date & Time: Sunday 17th of February 2008 08:47:03 PM
Name: Dave
Location: Provo, Utah near BYU and Provo Temple
Testimony: One last cup Josh before I must run and rinse out some rubbers: I do believe even without the promise of many really sex starved virgins that the Book of Zelph is true (BOM as well). You are truely an exceptional prophet as you have translated this Book without the help of the "Urin and Thumb-it". I'm not saying you are a cut above brother Joe but facts are facts Josh. I hope you don't get a really big one over this. Be humble and keep a small head Josh. Dave
Date & Time: Sunday 17th of February 2008 08:56:49 PM
Name: Dave
Location: Provo, Utah near BYU and Provo Temple
Testimony: Zelph damnit forgot one last thing. The rubbers will just have to wait. I have in bank deposit box an original piece of one of Zelph's garmets that he lost in a battle. They have a drawing of a salamander on the ass-end.I would to share it with you Josh for a $$$ price $$$ ofcoarse. Dave
Date & Time: Monday 18th of February 2008 02:30:22 AM
Name: Wanda
Location: Shelter near Temple Square
Testimony: First things first the Book of Zelph is true.I feel it in my breast. Yes I had to have the other one removed. So what! I'm still whole! Now for the real reason I am blogging right now. To all you self abusing self loving Latter days if you keep mocking Josh I promise you are not going to get any free nookie from me. Period. If Joseph Smith isn't a filthy liar then Josh isn't one either. I think they both are really cute but joe is dead and that only leaves Josh I guess. I'm not into desecration! I promise. I'm a good girl. I'm just a little horney that's all. I want to go to heaven just like the rest of you. If you keep being nasty and saying bad things about Josh then to the Hell with you and I pray and hope there is a 4th level! I hate to talk this way but tough love is the only effective tool I have. I need to pull it out and use it sometimes. Zelph loved woman like me and I hear he was friendly with the men as well. So please get off josh's ass. Wanda Pokee
Date & Time: Monday 18th of February 2008 11:55:26 AM
Name: Brown Bag Boy
Location: Utah State Liquor Store # 69
Testimony: I am convinced The Book Of Zelph is true because all of the Saints who come into our store for a bottle truely seem ashamed of what they are doing. They are very careful not to let anyone see them too. And for those Saints who say Josh doesn't draw a very classy crowd I challenge them to read each and every blog on your site and then pray about it. If that doesn't change their minds nothing will. I find this site much better than all of the many hard core porn sites I have visited including the fisting ones. The only complaint I have Josh: no web cam. I'd love to see a picture of your ass! I hear President Hinckley has appeared to the New Big 3 and to prove it was him he let them look at his wrists. No holes. Kind of scarey stuff. Have to run Josh always another bottle of Jack Daniels to bag. Boy
Date & Time: Monday 18th of February 2008 12:17:51 PM
Name: Caniney
Location: Little House Out Back
Testimony: Here Zelphy Zelphy Zelphy.. cum on boy.. good Zelphy .. cum to daddy .. he's got a big bone for you to suck on! Big boy Zelphy.
Date & Time: Monday 18th of February 2008 01:27:39 PM
Name: Nephi
Location: Nephi, Utah
Testimony: If any of you really get into this Zelph thing and start speaking in toungs I have a religious tip for you: "Do not sit by a French convert. It can get really ugly!" You're welcome.
Date & Time: Tuesday 19th of February 2008 10:08:37 PM
Name: Cindy
Location: BYU
Testimony: Funny now Josh but denying the truth that you excepted at 8 years of age puts you into the hands of " The Sons of Perdition!" And that isn't funny is it. I believe the Book Of Mormon to be the literal word of God and Joseph Smith the prophet who God picked to translate it. You and others mock a religion that has done nothing but good for others for over 150 years. What can be so wrong with that Josh? President Hinckley was a true example of what a Morman is. Humble, kind and truely tolerant of others and their belief system. It does no good to tear others down. It only bring you down as well. I know the Church is true and nobody can take that away from me. This site of your's really pisses me off. Goddamn you Josh! Cindy
Date & Time: Tuesday 19th of February 2008 10:31:59 PM
Name: Jessee Jackson
Location: Blackton, Tenn
Testimony: I have a feeling the Book Of Zelph is true. If you guys can promise me I will turn white and forgive me for all my fornicating ways and let me keep my big pecker I will join up. Do I have to get naked to get babtised? Also is it really necessary to use those garmets? I like to sleep in the nude. May God bless you. Rev Jes
Date & Time: Tuesday 19th of February 2008 10:56:18 PM
Name: IronCheif
Location: Ironcheif's Dry Cleaners
Testimony: Yes Josh I do believe in The Book of Zelph and I know in my heart that I do have Jewish blood. I over charge my customers and I know how to make a quick dishonest buck. Here's a good way for your readers to keep their garmets sparkling clean: Don't piss, shit, cum, or fart in them. If they should get soiled beyond help use them anyway. They still work!
Date & Time: Wednesday 20th of February 2008 02:36:09 AM
Name: Critic
Location: Here and now
Testimony: Josh I hate to be picky but don't you think using a "pen name" would have been more believable and carried a little more impact? ie: The Book of Zelph as translated by Joseph Smith (pen name). Be honest Josh doesn't that sound more realistic and professional? I mean really ie: The Book Of Zelph as translated by Josh Anderson. Think about it. But I guess it's too late now. Also you could have had a little more fun on your site. (it's a little bit stiff for me). For example: A little game my wife and I and our friends play called " pin the pecker on Brigham." The first one to get closest gets to have his way with the participating wife of his choise.(he can use the game pecker as a sex aide if he wishes). Remember this is a Mormon game and the wife's mainly watch rather than take part in the game. And maybe a riddle like this one would have been fun too. "How did Brigham practice birth control with some of his wifes?" ans: "He'd marry some really ugly ones." Funny huh! Anyways Josh please do not take offence. I still think you have a nice ass and a fairly good web site.
Date & Time: Wednesday 20th of February 2008 12:59:10 PM
Name: Dad of a fetus
Location: Utah Valley regional Med center
Testimony: I believe The book Of Zelph could quite possibly be true however I am not giving testimoney to this fact as of yet. Let me tell you a little story. I will try to "bear" it quickly. (Josh you may also "bear" as well but please keep your hands stationary until I have finished .. thank you). Anyway I'm a Non-Mormon and my wife is a Mormon and 8 months pregnant. We had the Mormon missionaries over the other day and as they were "bearing" their testimonies to the truthfullness of the BOM my wife's tummy kept twitching towards these nice young men just as if little feetee was listening to the lessons. If I do say so myself I think those guys were getting off on this. Too bad the mission presidents don't let these young men masterbate a little at the mission home before they hop on their bikes. Well back to the story. The next day my wife and I went to see her gyno and have a sono. When looking at the pictures of little feetee doc's eyes got really big and he said to us: "Your little fetus either has heartburn or has had a true spiritual experience and may be having a fuzzy feeling in his little boosam." The next day my wife went to her bishop .. he went to the stake President..and the SP went to the Church office building and told the Prophet this remarkable story. The Profit went to the other Two and they all sat down and prayed about it. They then declared it to be a miracle. When our fetus comes out in a few months the Church is going to have it babtised on the spot, call the Salt Lake Deseret News and declare Feetee the youngest Mormon member ever. This is pretty convincing to me Josh that the BOM could be true. So Josh if the BOM could be true then The Book Of Zelph could possibly be true! This also points out how bad abortion is. A double whammy so to speak Josh.
Date & Time: Wednesday 20th of February 2008 09:58:40 PM
Name: Smuck (Jewish )
Location: Jam City, Calif
Testimony: Remember our Jam add: With a name like Smuckers it has to be good. Well! With a name like Zelph it has to be true. It's that simple! Smuck (a Jew)
Date & Time: Wednesday 20th of February 2008 10:19:58 PM
Name: Not telling
Location: Not telling
Testimony: Here's another sure way to tell if the Book Of Zelph is true. Cut your penis off. If it grows back it's true. If it does not grow back you were just a stupid shit! Caution! I tried this with the BOM and now I have to sit to piss.
Date & Time: Thursday 21st of February 2008 11:28:08 AM
Name: Dave
Location: Provo, Utah (Near BYU and Provo Temple)
Testimony: An open letter to Josh and all of his bloggers: I admit I have born my testimony perhaps a few too many times on this bitchen site. I am passionate when it comes to Zelph and I indeed have some real concerns with Mormonisn. I appologize for my descriptive sematics at times. I am married to a Mormon (I'M Gentile ofcoarse) and I respect her right to believe as she wishes. I truely feel bad that she cannot wear garments. I know how difficult this must be for her and I don't take this lightly. In the future I will remain silent on this site and give others a chance to express themselves as they seem fit. I do not think it is fair to Josh and others for me to over do it and ruin my welcome on this blog. After all if you call wolf too many times you are likely to eventually get it bitten off. You have to admit Josh is " Mr Tolerant In Print". He allows all points of view without taking any offence what-so-ever! He has never deleted even as much as a letter from any of my many comments which at times could be considered a bit tasteless although I have never intended them to be. In no way have I wanted to compromise Josh's real purpose and zeal with his translation of The Book Of Zelph. To be honest you all know in your hearts that it is just as difficult to discredit Josh as it is to discredit Thee Man Joseph Smith. Perhaps a little easier to descredit Brigham Young but what does that really have to do with anything! I wish Josh the very best and if he ever needs my support I will be standing by to give him "some hand". Your's sincerly .. Dave near BYU and the Provo Temple.
Date & Time: Friday 22nd of February 2008 08:11:22 PM
Name: Rowee
Location: Provo
Testimony: We know all about u mr sears. We will be sending somone over shortly to educate you.
Date & Time: Saturday 23rd of February 2008 01:02:23 AM
Name: To Rowee
Location: Waiting for you!
Testimony: Rowee Rowee Rowee .. I'll be waiting on the porch for you little guttless one! What! Going to silence me Rowee Rowee Rowee! Come on over Rowee!
Date & Time: Saturday 23rd of February 2008 01:18:55 AM
Name: To Rowee Again:
Location: Me
Testimony: Let it be known to the World Wide Web that Rowee has thretened me! I have been a little silly and now he and his friends are going to silence me! His comments stand!
Date & Time: Saturday 23rd of February 2008 11:07:58 AM
Name: Rowee
Location: Provo
Testimony: Thank you for inviting us mr. Sears, we will board the bus to phoenix next thursday and should arrive friday morning. Thanks again brother. R
Date & Time: Saturday 23rd of February 2008 12:09:25 PM
Name: To brother R
Location: Me
Testimony: Rowee: (Please!I'm not your brother!!). Zelph would love to see us have true dialogue like this wouldn't he?( he really enjoyed "brotherly love").And He could see both sides of an issue too. At least we have made one giant step forward havn't we. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news MR R but your church tells you to stay off of these anti-Mormon sites do they not. It looks as if you have broken another covenent. These sites are for people like myself the evil spirits who have been let loose from the bowles of Hell in these latter times.( we need something to do until the end of time too. Jerry Springer gets old after a while). The comments herein are not meant for the eyes and ears of little "white" choir boys like you. Shame on you for peeking. Those underware adds in Victoria's Secret are probably hard for you to stay away from too MR R. This reminds me of politics. Georgie on his evangelical mission to save the Middle East has killed more lives than "Sody" did in his entire reign but Billy invaded (by permission) another's body, the temple of God, which is far worse in the eternal way of looking at things. Again MR R this site is for the fowel of the Earth like me. Please heed the advice of your leaders next time and keep the - - - - off Josh's blog. MR Me
Date & Time: Sunday 24th of February 2008 01:21:16 AM
Name: Satan
Location: Hell
Testimony: I testify that this book is total crap and a poorly written attempt at humor. I testify that unlike the Boomer Bible, it has no value or interest, but is a total piece of garbage. I testify that Josh Anderson Enterprises is a worthless piece of trash and any moron or Mormon can look at this pathetic attempt with complete confidence and say what a looser. In the name of me good job tool.
Date & Time: Tuesday 26th of February 2008 05:10:11 PM
Name: Suzi
Location: Arizona
Testimony: I'd like to bury my testimony, i know this church is true, I know that Josh Anderson is a prophet at Sears elevator, inthenameofjesuschristamen.
Date & Time: Wednesday 27th of February 2008 10:28:08 PM
Name: Hyrum N.
Location: California
Testimony: HA HA HA HA Thanks for the laugh!
Date & Time: Thursday 28th of February 2008 02:05:58 PM
Name: Thomas S. Monson
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
Testimony: I, Brother Monson, bear my solemn witness that the Book of Zelph is the word of Elohim, even he who impregnated Mary with the sperm that would one day become Jehovah. In the name of Jeeeeee-sus Smith, Amen.
Date & Time: Saturday 01st of March 2008 09:24:50 AM
Name: packing machine
Location:
Testimony: China packing machine catalog and Packing Machine manufacturer directory. Import
Date & Time: Friday 07th of March 2008 02:27:10 AM
Name: General Authority
Location: Eld
Testimony: Good job, josh. You have truly laid up for yourself treasures in heaven.
Date & Time: Friday 07th of March 2008 02:36:12 AM
Name: Gordon Bitner Hinckely
Location: Kolob
Testimony: Hey, josh, it's me Gordon, Hiing you from Kolob. Now that I'm dead, I'm a god.
It's kind of boring. All I have to do is snap my fingers and get anything I want. That joseph smith is great at ward volleyball and broom hockey. Elohim is great with his volleyball serve. AND SODA AND ICECREAM FOR EVERYONE!!! Gee whiz, pray, pay, and obey, and you can join us, Josh!!! If that's not a swell deal, I don't know what IS!!!!!
Date & Time: Monday 10th of March 2008 01:18:58 PM
Name: Darren
Location: UK
Testimony: Hey man I came forwards with a sincere heart and it worked! The dice came to 7! I can bear witness that all the other mormons have heartburn or whatever, and the book of zelph is Gods infallible truth.
Date & Time: Sunday 23rd of March 2008 05:30:50 AM
Name: Shirley Anderson
Location: Lincoln England
Testimony: Yea Verily I hath read part of 1 Laban and have found it exceedingly hilarious and that the peoples spake of that which is familiar with young people today. Thy book of Zelph. is as true as thy book of Mormon.
Date & Time: Sunday 23rd of March 2008 06:11:31 AM
Name: Aleister Crowley
Location: Third heaven of the Celestial Sanctum
Testimony: I came across this book of Zelph and rather liked it. Josh Anderson you must include in your doctrine many obscure references to the Masons and Knights templar lest ye be accused of imitating some Mormons. Magnus Opus Magnus Magus in the name of the blessed Tetragrammaton.
Aleister Crowley...
PS Hinckeley is rubbish at table tennis, I beat him five times, and Joseph Smith has otherworldly cataracts from looking through his urimthummim specs too long.
Date & Time: Sunday 23rd of March 2008 08:12:42 AM
Name: S.L Macgregor Mathers
Location: Second Kingdom of the Celestial Sanctum
Testimony: I testify that this book is true upon rolling the dice which I did and it gave me a 7 so its true because in the hebrew texts I studied whilst alive 7 is a number of truth. And yeah, Joseph Smith has celestial cataracts and we're currently looking for a cure though we cant because this world is different from the physical world and so having non physical cataracts is somewhat of a problem.
Date & Time: Sunday 23rd of March 2008 03:22:29 PM
Name: Joseph Smith
Location: I don't know, I can't read - Cataracts
Testimony: I say verily unto you that this book of Zelph I would have translated had I not been blinded by my urimthummim spectacles, it was damn hard to see through them at all so by the time I got to the book of Zelph I couldn't understand a bloody word so I left his plates where they were. PS Aleister Crowley and Macgregor Mathers are looking after me and trying to find a cure for my cataracts which have transcended through to my otherworldly existence. Oh yeah and the book of Zelph is true and I rolled a dice and got a 7 so it must be true even Crowley says so.
Date & Time: Sunday 30th of March 2008 04:56:27 AM
Name: Anti-Nephi-Lehi-Zelph
Location: From A to Z
Testimony: I knew zelph, he was a good man. Praise Elohim for you and Chaz (the dude from Alltel wireless) for spreading the goodnews.
Date & Time: Wednesday 02nd of April 2008 12:40:31 PM
Name: Urine in my Thumb
Location:
Testimony: I dids't use Urine in my Thumb to Translate the Plates. Dip thy Thumb in thy Urine, and the Mysteries of the Kingdom will be Revealed unto you.
I testify of the truthfulness of this.
In the name of Jesus Fucking Christ, a man.
Date & Time: Wednesday 02nd of April 2008 12:59:35 PM
Name: Urine in my Thumb
Location:
Testimony: I dids't use Urine in my Thumb to Translate the Plates. Dip thy Thumb in thy Urine, and the Mysteries of the Kingdom will be Revealed unto you.
I testify of the truthfulness of this.
In the name of Jesus Fucking Christ, a man.
Date & Time: Monday 07th of April 2008 11:13:49 PM
Name: Boyd K. Packer
Location: Church Give-Head Quarters
Testimony: I don't want the filthy websites above to lead you astray. You should read my talk about masturbation and the "little factory."
I warn you about pornography and filthy thoughts.
The temple workers can tell if you have masturbated in your garments, and you will be denied entry into the House of the Lord.
http://www.lds-mormon.com/only.shtml
Date & Time: Wednesday 16th of April 2008 04:52:20 AM
Name: Bobby Bobson
Location: Sydney Australia
Testimony: Now that I have read these new scriptures, I know why you guys always wear white shirts and ties and ride bikes... it just makes so much sense now...
Date & Time: Sunday 20th of April 2008 03:42:55 PM
Name: thomas s. monsoon
Location:
Testimony: pray pay and obey
Date & Time: Sunday 20th of April 2008 03:42:58 PM
Name: thomas s. monsoon
Location:
Testimony: pray pay and obey
Date & Time: Sunday 20th of April 2008 03:43:03 PM
Name: thomas s. monsoon
Location:
Testimony: pray pay and obey
Date & Time: Sunday 20th of April 2008 03:43:07 PM
Name: thomas s. monsoon
Location:
Testimony: pray pay and obey
Date & Time: Sunday 20th of April 2008 03:43:11 PM
Name: thomas s. monsoon
Location:
Testimony: pray pay and obey
Date & Time: Sunday 20th of April 2008 03:43:15 PM
Name: thomas s. monsoon
Location:
Testimony: pray pay and obey
Date & Time: Sunday 20th of April 2008 03:43:16 PM
Name: thomas s. monsoon
Location:
Testimony: pray pay and obey
Date & Time: Sunday 20th of April 2008 03:43:18 PM
Name: thomas s. monsoon
Location:
Testimony: pray pay and obey
Date & Time: Sunday 20th of April 2008 03:43:19 PM
Name: thomas s. monsoon
Location:
Testimony: pray pay and obey
Date & Time: Sunday 20th of April 2008 03:43:20 PM
Name: thomas s. monsoon
Location:
Testimony: pray pay and obey
Date & Time: Sunday 20th of April 2008 03:43:21 PM
Name: thomas s. monsoon
Location:
Testimony: pray pay and obey
Date & Time: Sunday 20th of April 2008 03:43:22 PM
Name: thomas s. monsoon
Location:
Testimony: pray pay and obey
Date & Time: Sunday 20th of April 2008 03:43:23 PM
Name: thomas s. monsoon
Location:
Testimony: pray pay and obey
Date & Time: Sunday 20th of April 2008 03:43:24 PM
Name: thomas s. monsoon
Location:
Testimony: pray pay and obey
Date & Time: Sunday 20th of April 2008 03:43:24 PM
Name: thomas s. monsoon
Location:
Testimony: pray pay and obey
Date & Time: Sunday 20th of April 2008 03:43:25 PM
Name: thomas s. monsoon
Location:
Testimony: pray pay and obey
Date & Time: Sunday 27th of April 2008 02:20:09 PM
Name: Zepoqpop
Location: OByAJZTuMExN
Testimony: Thanks funny site
Date & Time: Sunday 27th of April 2008 02:20:33 PM
Name: Zepoqpop
Location: OByAJZTuMExN
Testimony: Thanks funny site
Date & Time: Saturday 10th of May 2008 12:00:42 AM
Name: Unconditional Believer
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
Testimony: I just barely skimmed the pages of this remarkable text, and already I can tell that it is a work of glory and righteousness. There is no need to roll any dice when such certainty is already so evident.
Date & Time: Friday 06th of June 2008 06:12:27 AM
Name: Zelpanite
Location: Zelphia
Testimony: I know this book is true because according to the cave drawing I'm a direct descendant of Zelph the Great White Warrior. My whiteness is further proof of the truth of this book!
Date & Time: Tuesday 10th of June 2008 06:51:10 PM
Name: Obadiah
Location: Texas
Testimony: I am a descendant of Zelph, and am so humbled by the coming forth of this great and marvelous work (and wonder). I weep each day that I read from the Book of Zelph for three hours, followed by an hour of dice-rolling. I have had the truth confirmed to my soul with a probability of around .5000000001, which I bare testimony is proof beyond doubt's shadow and with my beings' fibre that God is working through this glorious "other testament" of the Book of Mormon that has led so many captive in the darkness of their eyes and I love my mom and dad, too.
Date & Time: Sunday 13th of July 2008 08:00:44 PM
Name: Jon M. Huntsman, Jr.
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
Testimony: I, Jon Jon, Governor of Utah, do hereby proclaim July 25th "Zelph Day".
Zelph Day shall be a day for all Utahns honor the great Zelph.
Date & Time: Tuesday 29th of July 2008 09:31:08 PM
Name: James
Location: Kolob
Testimony: I bare witness of the truthfullness of this work. It is the work of Joseph Smith's. One day 2 guys in white showed up at my door. They were answers to my prayers. These angels brought with them the book of Zelph. I had read the B.O.M before and felt it was true. But the book of Zelph gave me more confidence in the b.o.m. The facsimilies along with the testimonies of 4 and 9 witnesses gave me even more reasons to believe. I went to the temple the other day to recieve my endowments and you'll never believe who I met on the otherside of the veil. It was all the great prophets of old: Brgham Young, Joseph Smith, and yes even Zelph. They told me I had a greater work to do, They laid there hands upon me and bestowed beautiful gifts and blessings upon me. I was told if I remained faithfull all my days I would gain 72 more wives in the Celestial kingdom where Joseph Smith and all the other exalted beings reside. I can't wait.
Date & Time: Saturday 13th of September 2008 07:13:13 PM
Name: Tony
Location: Kentucky
Testimony: It hath come to pass that Josh Anderson hath written a new revelation for this generation! It explaineth the genetic Lamanite mysteries of the Book of Mormon so it may come to pass that all the world would believe in the prophecies of Joseph Smith. Still, we waiteth for more wisdom concerning the ceasing of the end of the black priesthood and the dismissal of the one hundred thirty second section of the doctrine and covenants. May he anon be exalted to godhood and have lots of cute little spirit chillins.
Date & Time: Tuesday 30th of September 2008 03:29:15 AM
Name: Juan Dela Cruz
Location: Philippines
Testimony: at first I really don't believe that the Book of Zelph is true but thanks for my older brother whom without ceasing beat me hit me on head on lips so hard that it made me realize that this book is true. I wish you guys have older brother like me who will really help you realize what is right with the help of his mighty hand. all have same
Date & Time: Wednesday 08th of October 2008 03:32:20 PM
Name: Neddy Nederlander
Location: Hollywood
Testimony: Somebody sent me a link to this site...I don't get it.
nameofjesuschristamen
Date & Time: Friday 17th of October 2008 04:17:10 AM
Name: Nathan
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Testimony: This book is true! I have read it and rolled the dice. I also rolled the dice to know if Josh Anderson is a true prophet, and guess what, he is!
I bear this testimony in Josh Anderson's name.
Date & Time: Thursday 23rd of October 2008 09:21:39 AM
Name: Koriwhore
Location: SL,UT
Testimony: I want to burry you my testimony of Zelph; after going through the Zelph temple and wearing the Zelph pajamas, I feel that Zelph is Zelphing me with his Zelphness.
In the name of Zelphyzelph,
Zelph
Date & Time: Thursday 23rd of October 2008 10:18:18 AM
Name: J THIZZLE
Location: ST. George, UTah
Testimony: YO zelph is real. I prayed about it. He is a fuckin thug white ass gangsta. I wish I was Zelph. He was white
Date & Time: Sunday 30th of November 2008 05:53:01 PM
Name: edward
Location: florida
Testimony: I testify that the Book of Zelph is True with every fiber of my being and that Josh Anderson is a modern day Prophet of our Heavenly Father that was once a man that has his own Heavenly Father that was once a man that has his own Heavenly Father that was once a man, etc...
At first I didn't have a testimony, but after taking the "Book of Zelph's Challenge and using dice tried Melph's promise, rolling a 5, yet per Melph 5:6 "And if ye roll not a seven, yea, fear not that this book be not true, for this book IS TRUE, yea, even do I promise."
Profound words directly from Melph, who desires all to live in peace and harmony. Surely a kind person desiring such could not be of our enemy, the Satan, brother of Jesus and the rest of us, but cast out to torment and tempt his bretheren.
Amen
Date & Time: Thursday 04th of December 2008 11:13:38 PM
Name: Nepomucen Krzyzanowszczak
Location: At my computer
Testimony: I have read the Book of Zelph and verily I say unto one what I say unto all; that this book is true, and it really exists, and whosoever not believeth, all they must to do is to roll the dice, as the book sayeth, with sincere heart, nothing doubting, and the sweet testimony of it shall be given unto them forever and ever.
I have rolled the dice and I was blessed to have seen the seven each time! And if thou shall not see seven it be because thou are not worthy of this great truth. I pity you then and smell lowest kingdom from your stinking breath.
Date & Time: Monday 15th of December 2008 02:52:24 PM
Name: Aaron
Location: Gemany
Testimony: Since everything is made up like the Book of Mormon and just a copie but with other stories nad above all, since Josh was not a prophet appointed by God, ohterwise President Monson would have recogniced him as a prophet, I know for sure and bear testimony that this Book is false in every way.
I ´know its from the imaginations of Josh and not a insrpiotarion like Joseph.
Only the Book of Mormon is true. Of this I am certain.
I challenge everybody here, to try my testimony, and I promise you the God will tell you that the Book of Zelph never was written in ancient time and that its no holy scripture.
On the last day you will see, that my testimony is true.
Aaron,
East-Germany.
Date & Time: Friday 19th of December 2008 12:20:50 PM
Name: Nefi Hernadez
Location: Zion, Missouri
Testimony: Oh, I know this is true. And I know that that if you read and pray about the Book of Zelph you will also know it is true! If you don't get the same answers as me, then obviously the adversary is hard at work (because anything going against what we believe is Satan you know!)
Date & Time: Tuesday 06th of January 2009 11:36:34 PM
Name: Queen of Sheeba
Location: Utah
Testimony: If this book is true, then I'm the Queen of Sheeba!! And Sheeba is now located in Utah.
Date & Time: Wednesday 04th of February 2009 02:01:03 PM
Name: Brigham Young XLIII
Location: Texas
Testimony: I know that with the newly revealed truths in the book of Zelph, God's team will once again take their claim as "stripling warriors" incarnate
Date & Time: Thursday 26th of February 2009 11:42:53 PM
Name: APOSTLE LEONARD
Location: SOUTHBEND
Testimony:
Statement of faith.
I believe that the Book of Zelph is the word of God, it has to be because no one can make a book like this, and Josh Anderson would not even dare try to add to the word knowing if he did the bible clearly states if you add unto my words I will add unto the evils of the word unto you, or something like that.
Anyway I was thinking if the book of Zelph is true, then people who do not have money need to have the book of Zelph to be true, maybe someone read it on the internet and thought, man the Book of Zelph is true, but I don't have any money at all, and no one would give me money to buy the book, if only JOsh Anderson could give it for free, and revise it with spiritual application, I will see him as a true prophet, I t won't be easy but it is worth it, so when are you going to begin?
Date & Time: Tuesday 17th of March 2009 04:46:02 PM
Name: Mark Harris
Location: New York
Testimony: I am a rich farmer from New York and I would like to sell my farm to give you money to build a temple because I know that Josh Anderson is a true prophet and the Book of Zelph is more correct than any other book because I also get heartburn when I read it. My wife does not approve but that's okay because I know the Prophet Josh will have more revelations that will allow me to marry her 14 yr old cousin. After all, why would anyone make this up?
Date & Time: Thursday 26th of March 2009 07:30:34 PM
Name: Twat
Location: Twatland
Testimony: U r a twat
Date & Time: Monday 30th of March 2009 09:02:53 AM
Name: LEONARD
Location:
Testimony:
Hey Josh Anderson this is leonard. I have something intresting you might want to know about so hit me up at
leonardmcneal@rocketmail. com please write this in all small caps, I have something that Zelph had me to tell you so hit me up bye.
The Book of Zelph is true.
Date & Time: Sunday 03rd of May 2009 04:12:30 PM
Name: Steve Dubois
Location: San Antonio, Texas
Testimony: I testify this book is mostly true except for the bad grammar, but that was covered by the words of the ancient profits and explained in lurid detail throughout so even the bad grammar is true. And I say this inthenameofjebuscrisco,amen
Date & Time: Thursday 11th of June 2009 12:25:18 PM
Name: Am I White Yet?
Location: Zarahemla
Testimony: I want to testify to everyone who reads this book that it is in fact true. I don't understand why some Anti-Zelphites who are obviously lead by Satan want to destroy my faith. What am I doing to you?
P.S. I can't wait to get my ZWR (Zelph was right) ring. The online tithe paying is fast and convenient too.
Date & Time: Tuesday 16th of June 2009 10:01:14 AM
Name: Bud Thug MSc
Location: San Quentin
Testimony: I was told by friends that nothing gets through the Book of Zelph.
My pal Grunt Fist had recently serving out in Iraq, when a terrorist bee tried to sting his jacket. He said that he had only been saved by the fact that he was carrying the Book of Zelph in his inside pocket.
I decided to try this theory out, when I went out for my school's weekly street fight with the neighboring college. I got shot, but the bullet spent so much time going through "The Book of Whores", that it didn't come out the other side until the police caught us.
Date & Time: Thursday 18th of June 2009 12:09:48 AM
Name: Horatio Cortázar
Location: San Pablo, AZ
Testimony: President, Prophet, Seer & Revelator Anderson... you gonna delete the porn spam on the testimony page anytime soon?
Anywhoo, Book of Zelph is fo' sho the word of genuine Lamanites (or... Labanites, I suppose). Whatever. It's legit; I rolled the dice.
Date & Time: Wednesday 08th of July 2009 01:00:05 AM
Name: Jane Zeddelheimer
Location: Littleton Colorado
Testimony: I have read the book of Zelph and felt the power of the Holy Spirit in my bosom confirming it's truth. I didn't even have to roll the dice but I did anyway and they confirmed my warm bosom.
Date & Time: Saturday 11th of July 2009 12:30:57 AM
Name: dude
Location: america
Testimony: this is such bull shit dude
Date & Time: Thursday 16th of July 2009 11:53:47 PM
Name: Zina Hunting Wanna
Location: Nauvoo
Testimony: As I read the Book of Zelph, and threw the dice, a hot flame began to burn in my bosom! Though I've read but a few words, I know you are a true messenger. My awe is so great, I am willing to secretly marry you. If it is your desire, we and all your wives will find increase throughout all of eternity.
Date & Time: Saturday 18th of July 2009 08:33:04 AM
Name: Mister IT
Location: Orange County, CA
Testimony: I know that it's true because I want to believe it's true!
Nothing else matters.
Date & Time: Saturday 18th of July 2009 06:01:46 PM
Name: Mister IT
Location: Orange County, CA
Testimony: As I could my dice would not roll a Seven. It was clearly a work of the Devil! But after pondering my situation I thought "What would Zelph do?" And by likening my situation to Zelph it was then that I realized, and I do testify, that I felt a lighten of mind that bears witness to this truth: THE BOOK OF ZELPH IS JUST AS TRUE AS THE BOOK OF MORMON!
Thank you for letting me share my testimony.
(got any tissue?)
Date & Time: Saturday 18th of July 2009 08:29:44 PM
Name: Soloman Spaulding
Location: Palmyra, NY
Testimony: Damn you!!! First my Book of Mormon was plagarized by that bastard, Joseph's Myth, and now this, my sequel and the leather plates upon which they were written. Stolen!! From me. From right beneath my eyes. You thieving money diggers!!! And so it came to pass.
Date & Time: Saturday 18th of July 2009 08:57:08 PM
Name: Verl
Location: Salt lake City, UT
Testimony: You should be ashamed of yourself. You are going to hell. You are almost as bad as homosexuals who want to marry and ruin the sacred institution that it is. Sacred and sanctified by the numerous marriages of Joseph Smythe. Sacred marriages for all time and eternity to 14 year old girls and women already married to other men who were suddenly sent on missions to spread the restored gospel to other men who have beautiful wives and young, beautiful daughters, in the hopes that they will travel to Nauvoo, IL to join the saints in a giant cluster-fuck-marriage thing where people are married to other people, in plurality, like in biblical times.
But I digress. Now we have men kissing each other on sacred ground at Temple Square, men who want to be married to each other when they should be married to women and married in The Temple after receiving endowments and anointing of the penis and testicles by other men.
Date & Time: Saturday 18th of July 2009 09:09:51 PM
Name: Solomon Spaulding
Location: Palmyra, NY
Testimony: Damn you!!! Damn you thieving, money-digging plagarists!!!! Not only do you steal my first masterpiece, The Book of Mormon, but you steal my second masterpiece, The Book of Zelph. And to top it off, your translation of the leather plates is a total fuck-up. It's not Laban, it's LABIAN, as in LABIA, the lips on a woman's hoo-haa. And it came to pass.
Date & Time: Saturday 18th of July 2009 09:19:38 PM
Name: Mister IT
Location: Orange County, CA
Testimony: And to those detractors who claim that there is NO evidence to support the claims of The Book of Zelph I offer THIS:
I saw Zelph competing under an Alias on last season's American Gladiators.
So deal with THAT you Anti-Zelphites!
Date & Time: Saturday 18th of July 2009 10:04:40 PM
Name: Michael Jackson
Location: Heaven
Testimony: Hi Josh, just a shout-out from here in heaven. Thought all of you should know that there is no skin color in heaven. We're all "white and delightsome!" Kind funny when you think that I'm up here because of all the crap I mainlined to make my skin white. BTW, I met Joseph's Myth the other day and he's one scum bag. Nobody here likes him, not even Jesus. He was hitting on Mary the Mother of Jesus the other day telling her some tale about an angel with flaming sword. What a bunch of crap; everyone knows angels carry tazers. JS used to be down in hell, but Satan couldn't take his bullshit. Anyway, I'm in charge of new arrivals today. I've got to show Walter Cronkite around. Then I need to practice my moon-walk. Then off to choir practice.
Date & Time: Monday 20th of July 2009 06:43:13 PM
Name: David
Location: Mortality
Testimony: I was guided by some unseen force to this site on this night. I will keep reading, but do not need to, for I already know it is true. The burning in my bosom cannot be denied. The layout and colors of the site also whisper to my soul that all is well, all is well. Thank you for translating this wonderful testament to the Book of Mormon! Life really is GREAT when you have all the answers!
Date & Time: Sunday 16th of August 2009 03:19:18 PM
Name: Desiré
Location: Canada
Testimony: When I was Mormon I had trouble dealing with the lack of evidence. When I prayed mu bosom never burned... but when I read The Book of Zelph my bosom not only burned but I felt the Holy Spirit manifest the truth unto me. I know this book is true and I pray that you read the book and feel the truth of it as well.
Date & Time: Thursday 08th of October 2009 02:59:52 AM
Name: -A faithful LDS member
Location: USA
Testimony: How,if the book of zelph (notice all lower case) is another testament to the Book of Mormon, then how can you make the SAME claim that it is the 'most correct book on earth'? there can only be one most correct book. That book is the Book of Mormon! This Crude imitation of the sacred text of the Book of Mormon is as sac-religious as you can get. And you are right the grammar in that THING sucks josh oh! i mean Melph! Joseph Smith was ordained of GOD, the grammar in the Book of Mormon is not only PERFECT it is often in the form of ancient Hebrew poetry!!! In the name of all that is good I call you out, Josh Anderson, as a liar fraud and a scandal and bear testimony of the Truthfulness of THE BOOK OF MORMON and other texts established as gospel truths and scriptures by the prophets of God, which By the way, JOSH you are NOT on that list, I hope you read this you sorry excuse for a man! This mockery of The Book of Mormon isn't even clever, changing the number of witnesses and altering the story of joseph to your own means is not praisworthy! Now, If you wanted to write something about Zelph, you should take up fictional writing! A FICTIONAL story of the life of Zelph would be entertaining, but in the disgraceful form of false doctrine, false scripture, and priest craft it is EXTERNALLY, again i emphasize ETERNALLY damning. If you wish to respond try send me an e-mail at: a.warrior.of.truth.and.right@gmail.com. Anyone willing to e-mail in agreeance or daring enough to take my critisism in their belief in this horrible imitation of a book send me an e-mail. questions about the LDS church? don't be afraid to shoot me an e-mail! Hoorah For Isreal!
Date & Time: Thursday 08th of October 2009 03:01:31 AM
Name: -A faithful LDS member
Location: USA
Testimony: How,if the book of zelph (notice all lower case) is another testament to the Book of Mormon, then how can you make the SAME claim that it is the 'most correct book on earth'? there can only be one most correct book. That book is the Book of Mormon! This Crude imitation of the sacred text of the Book of Mormon is as sac-religious as you can get. And you are right the grammar in that THING sucks josh oh! i mean Melph! Joseph Smith was ordained of GOD, the grammar in the Book of Mormon is not only PERFECT it is often in the form of ancient Hebrew poetry!!! In the name of all that is good I call you out, Josh Anderson, as a liar fraud and a scandal and bear testimony of the Truthfulness of THE BOOK OF MORMON and other texts established as gospel truths and scriptures by the prophets of God, which By the way, JOSH you are NOT on that list, I hope you read this you sorry excuse for a man! This mockery of The Book of Mormon isn't even clever, changing the number of witnesses and altering the story of joseph to your own means is not praisworthy! Now, If you wanted to write something about Zelph, you should take up fictional writing! A FICTIONAL story of the life of Zelph would be entertaining, but in the disgraceful form of false doctrine, false scripture, and priest craft it is EXTERNALLY, again i emphasize ETERNALLY damning. If you wish to respond try send me an e-mail at: a.warrior.of.truth.and.right@gmail.com. Anyone willing to e-mail in agreeance or daring enough to take my critisism in their belief in this horrible imitation of a book send me an e-mail. questions about the LDS church? don't be afraid to shoot me an e-mail! Hoorah For Isreal!
Date & Time: Thursday 08th of October 2009 10:31:48 AM
Name: Mr. Steven
Location: Missouri
Testimony: The book of Zelph changed my life. As I read it, the spirit testified to me of its truthfulness. It was as a warm blanket was put upon me from head to toe. Next to Joseph Smith, Zelph is another one of my heros. I challenge anyone out there to read it with an open mind, with faith, and if your faith is like a musterd seed, it will grow into a big musterd plant and even a tree some day. I had a bad month last month, and I think this is the Lard's way of showing me the light of the Gospel. Last month, among other things, I was inflicted with an in-grown toenail, and then my grandmother who lives with us became incontnant of feces and I was assigned diaper duty.
Date & Time: Thursday 08th of October 2009 12:57:45 PM
Name: Heidi
Location: Colorado
Testimony: I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Book Of Zelph is twoo. I haven't read it yet, but I rolled the dice, and I got a really nice fuzzy feeling in my chest. I really don't think that it was the root-beer I had recently drunk. So it MUST be twoo!!!
And, anyway, it MUST be twoo. Jason hasn't destroyed anyone's printing press, but he still might, and still might go to jail for it tonight, and he STILL says it's twoo. So it MUST be twoo!!!
He brought it forth a couple of years ago, and it's still in print. So it MUST be twoo!!!
Thousands upon thousands of people (so I've heard), give him money for his effort. That many people CAN'T be wrong! So it MUST be twoo!!!
I don't think any of his witness' have died, but they still say that they saw it in a vision, (say it with me....) So it MUST be twoo!!!
It doesn't matter that all historical and scientific evidence points to the fact that it's a hoax! Jason says he saw ANGELS for heaven's sake. So it MUST be twoo!!!
I say these things in the name of CheezeAndRice, Yeah Men!
Date & Time: Friday 09th of October 2009 05:09:01 PM
Name: Apostle Mark E Peterson
Location: Salt Lake City
Testimony: I would let every Negro drive a cadillac, if he could afford it. Also, The Book of Zelph is awesome and stands as a second witness to the Book of Mormon.
Date & Time: Friday 09th of October 2009 05:11:00 PM
Name: True Believing Zelphite
Location: anonymous
Testimony: The Anti-Zelphites on this board make me sick. How dare you speak ill of such sacred things. I guess it proves that you can leave the Book of Zelph, but you can't leave the Book of Zelph alone.
Date & Time: Saturday 10th of October 2009 04:48:22 PM
Name: Mike T.
Location: Central Washington
Testimony: I have read the Book of Zelph and I know it's true because it makes me feel real happy inside when I, like, read the stuff. I know it's true! People say, like, "This just bullshit, you know! He just made this up!" But they're wrong because of how it makes me feel, like I have to pee or something. It's wonderful having this book coming forth in the last days.
Date & Time: Saturday 10th of October 2009 05:46:24 PM
Name: Jesus Smith
Location: New Jerusalem
Testimony: I have purchased a copy of your book, in order to prove it wrong. For I have a pair of two-sided dice (i.e. "coins") that can never reach seven. Thus, it will be shown to the world that your book is false!!
(Actually, I sent the copy to my teen son for his birthday, as he is incarcerated in Probo, UT. If every teen had this in S.S., just imagine the loud laughter and evil speaking at church!)
Date & Time: Monday 12th of October 2009 01:02:18 PM
Name: Inscsoze
Location: cxTnPqUOUHKGqdyfC
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Date & Time: Monday 12th of October 2009 01:43:46 PM
Name: Ayhkmdwv
Location: nwmJZMKIILB
Testimony: comment1 Family Nude Sex Pictures >:( Nude Model Pics 8932 Married Bisexual Man Norfolk Uk 97558 Mother Daughter Taboo Incest Sex Dvd dsmw Vanessa Anne Hudgens Nude 321 Ala Passtel Nude Pictures >:[[ Young Black Porn 8O College Teens Naked =((( Funny Pics Cartoon Sexy lpsk Tits Pussy 3538
Date & Time: Monday 12th of October 2009 05:27:07 PM
Name: Fcobansv
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Date & Time: Monday 19th of October 2009 08:34:13 AM
Name: Ouqyqeov
Location: qftzVaXKtcnLCkixL
Testimony: comment1 Tsys1 Transaction Processing 94789 064ibindustrytaance Money Personal Smart fytd Midlothian Tx %-O Louisiana Powerball Results %] Pc Remote Control 7071 Health Risks Of Phthalates %OOO Employment Background Check 432 Gwyneth Paltrow >:-D Free Pressley Maddox Video 8OOO
Date & Time: Monday 19th of October 2009 09:35:04 AM
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Date & Time: Monday 19th of October 2009 09:35:39 AM
Name: Bxgohbbz
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Date & Time: Monday 19th of October 2009 01:14:51 PM
Name: Jpcnijdy
Location: ITycCdQsSgKCmJ
Testimony: comment5 Dildo =-]]] Hawaii Rock Crawlers 8) Shofuni %-) Whooping Cough =-]]] Free Porn Vids And Movies 49582 Phone Alerts flsx Google Chrome Review 907 Girls Showing Pantyhose xjeygb
Date & Time: Monday 19th of October 2009 01:28:35 PM
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Date & Time: Monday 19th of October 2009 05:34:04 PM
Name: Okwfbphg
Location: xmQcEVywdKaT
Testimony: comment1 Motorcoach Day Tour Companies ftq Neatmovies -thai Massage txzzu Beach Music 864 Lethbridge Public Library nsm Sefcu 66023 Minnesota Council Of Nonprofits cbpu Accuweather byuvtu Young Libertines 944309
Date & Time: Monday 19th of October 2009 05:40:19 PM
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Date & Time: Monday 19th of October 2009 10:06:11 PM
Name: Fvghkvxr
Location: JwjkzeXjHObGHXgMRWO
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Date & Time: Monday 19th of October 2009 11:32:33 PM
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Date & Time: Tuesday 20th of October 2009 05:44:49 AM
Name: Wtkxuafq
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Date & Time: Tuesday 20th of October 2009 07:46:56 AM
Name: Fvgtrvya
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Date & Time: Tuesday 20th of October 2009 11:44:15 AM
Name: Esutetwm
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Date & Time: Tuesday 20th of October 2009 11:44:50 AM
Name: Esutetwm
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Date & Time: Tuesday 20th of October 2009 12:26:49 PM
Name: Fpukdovv
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Date & Time: Tuesday 20th of October 2009 04:51:29 PM
Name: Olfltbnm
Location: YekbVWqK
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Date & Time: Tuesday 20th of October 2009 09:27:37 PM
Name: Hdejogjj
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Date & Time: Wednesday 21st of October 2009 02:19:54 AM
Name: Nojqgkap
Location: ydRcliFPRMQJqIKaZu
Testimony: comment2 Bob And Tom Show eog Countries Europe 774 Sonicare Toothbrush kru Ecommerce Software 361833 Horny Housewives 0211 Flight Tracker Map =) Catholic Bible Online 400332 Forex Online Trading Systems 759124 Top 100 One Liners qmgluo Sweepstakes hwfbsw Aiken Center For The Arts Summer Camp 761
Date & Time: Wednesday 21st of October 2009 07:29:04 AM
Name: Yhbpurvt
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Date & Time: Wednesday 21st of October 2009 12:14:20 PM
Name: Rnxxadaa
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Date & Time: Wednesday 21st of October 2009 04:58:01 PM
Name: Hysoeyba
Location: QFjplVVOdZ
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Date & Time: Wednesday 21st of October 2009 09:47:31 PM
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Date & Time: Wednesday 21st of October 2009 09:47:57 PM
Name: Fcctpeko
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Date & Time: Thursday 22nd of October 2009 02:53:14 AM
Name: Dkcwlixt
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Date & Time: Thursday 22nd of October 2009 08:01:36 AM
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Date & Time: Thursday 22nd of October 2009 10:56:46 AM
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Date & Time: Thursday 22nd of October 2009 01:10:29 PM
Name: Zlwjmpvn
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Date & Time: Thursday 22nd of October 2009 04:49:10 PM
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Date & Time: Thursday 22nd of October 2009 04:49:46 PM
Name: Wqhpmqql
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Date & Time: Thursday 22nd of October 2009 05:55:56 PM
Name: Fhduzmao
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Testimony: comment4 Bathroom Remodel Gallery >:D Clearview Cinemas 190 Big Dick Pics :]] Portable Wood Heater 777 Debt Relief kjov Compushare 79045 Preteen Thong Models %-] Free Accounting Resume Sample 95588 Html Standard Compliant Email Signature fug Mary Beth Sanford 506 Girls Bed 37846
Date & Time: Thursday 22nd of October 2009 10:38:48 PM
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Date & Time: Thursday 22nd of October 2009 10:39:23 PM
Name: Rbpjwloy
Location: wuqfFgHqjkhqfxtTMa
Testimony: comment5 Carlton 231 Heat Pump 4461 Guillermo Vilas >:OO The New Inn London %-PP Track A Plane Flight 5930 Silver Stocks wxnv Rabindranath Tagore 93801 Findaceleb vptp Sweet College Girls 8)))
Date & Time: Thursday 22nd of October 2009 11:38:29 PM
Name: Ffuiufui
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Date & Time: Friday 23rd of October 2009 03:53:03 AM
Name: Pnudwerx
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Date & Time: Friday 23rd of October 2009 03:53:39 AM
Name: Pnudwerx
Location: nNLwkLkNFBZQa
Testimony: comment1 How To Flirt :[ Coldwell Banker Christy Jones 44661 Amateur Pic 503 Blonde Jokes 76336 Trends 041 Aluminum Pipe >:-( Emo Xxx =-OOO Sabian hhiit Bighomemovies xtos Nordonia Hills Schools %-OO
Date & Time: Friday 23rd of October 2009 05:44:06 AM
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Date & Time: Friday 23rd of October 2009 05:44:41 AM
Name: Klqlrbtq
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Testimony: Good work , Stores In Minot Nd Mall , >:DD , Cartoon Penguins , lisy , Free Reverse Lookup Cell Phone , lgbp , Catalytic Converter , logle , Diy Phytoplankton , 814 , Marty Robbins , =-PP , Hen Night Dares , 254 , Wordpress , 4574 , Starting A Non Profit Organization , 088 , Yamaha , 0374 , Rydell High School , 7506 ,
Date & Time: Friday 23rd of October 2009 09:07:11 AM
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Date & Time: Friday 23rd of October 2009 09:07:40 AM
Name: Dcxlxyjz
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Testimony: comment3 Manojob %(( Liz Claiborne knqni Johnson Grass gvbpwm Operation Flashpoint :-[[ Canon Law 145190 Woodtv8 %(( Naughty Or Nice wjum Quicktime For Windows Xp 848150 Cap Auto Parts dchqju
Date & Time: Friday 23rd of October 2009 11:55:59 AM
Name: Wsvoqcmq
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Date & Time: Friday 23rd of October 2009 01:58:56 PM
Name: Nskyzfnx
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Date & Time: Friday 23rd of October 2009 06:18:45 PM
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Date & Time: Friday 23rd of October 2009 06:29:53 PM
Name: Ufglkvjz
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Date & Time: Friday 23rd of October 2009 11:17:52 PM
Name: Aahxnhli
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Date & Time: Saturday 24th of October 2009 01:12:34 AM
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Date & Time: Saturday 24th of October 2009 04:06:20 AM
Name: Mumasdko
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Date & Time: Saturday 24th of October 2009 07:24:29 AM
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Date & Time: Saturday 24th of October 2009 01:05:24 PM
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Date & Time: Saturday 24th of October 2009 01:39:46 PM
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Date & Time: Saturday 24th of October 2009 01:40:07 PM
Name: Akdcwchm
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Date & Time: Saturday 24th of October 2009 06:00:19 PM
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Date & Time: Saturday 24th of October 2009 10:42:47 PM
Name: Bwlxefhy
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Date & Time: Sunday 25th of October 2009 02:21:59 AM
Name: Ttmxqxun
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Date & Time: Sunday 25th of October 2009 03:40:37 AM
Name: Takpuauu
Location: pshZRqSxa
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Date & Time: Sunday 25th of October 2009 08:43:23 AM
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Date & Time: Sunday 25th of October 2009 01:52:22 PM
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Date & Time: Sunday 25th of October 2009 02:14:17 PM
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Date & Time: Sunday 25th of October 2009 09:38:18 PM
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Date & Time: Monday 26th of October 2009 08:24:41 AM
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Date & Time: Monday 26th of October 2009 08:30:38 AM
Name: Eohftryx
Location: NDiLzdgdi
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Date & Time: Monday 26th of October 2009 11:45:35 AM
Name: Ujerkzco
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Date & Time: Monday 26th of October 2009 01:55:19 PM
Name: Jmxcgbqe
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Name: Dqxplnuq
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Name: Dtanfjhj
Location: AaHuiBZVHwpzRYO
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Date & Time: Monday 26th of October 2009 11:01:24 PM
Name: BOB
Location: LINCON HIGHTS
Testimony: WHAT WILL THE WORLD
BE LIKE WITHOUT
A FREE BOOK
OF
ZELPH?
THE WORLD MAY NEVER
KNOW IT MIGHT BE TO LATE NEXT YEAR.
Date & Time: Monday 26th of October 2009 11:03:19 PM
Name: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
Location:
Testimony: I want God to be first place and the book of zelph to the above the in the first place.
Date & Time: Tuesday 27th of October 2009 02:44:04 AM
Name: Znjhubum
Location: hWlNZtmGfQEPiA
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Name: Twsuxfhs
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Name: Twsuxfhs
Location: wUtzbdTawQK
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Name: Tiolmxdl
Location: rdyBoWsO
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Name: Mqscfyjv
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Date & Time: Tuesday 27th of October 2009 06:41:37 PM
Name: Ancwjohi
Location: XlKiVayRbKjmcX
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Date & Time: Tuesday 27th of October 2009 11:51:32 PM
Name: Qjnlutrz
Location: UAXFTxHBtzvFvXAEDQq
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Date & Time: Wednesday 28th of October 2009 12:08:27 AM
Name: Oauireym
Location: mHjjxWiHDewKLb
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Date & Time: Wednesday 28th of October 2009 05:06:13 AM
Name: Owdqrhmv
Location: sXTVGOqoOJST
Testimony: comment2 English Hebrew Translation =OOO Myusenet %O Flu Shot Ingredients 8-)) Stainless Steel Sinks :-((( Daily Chinese Horoscope Monkey 8PPP Christopher And Banks 426 Nfl Clothing 13637 Anchor Roller wzysmc Oshkosh Northwestern >:((( Aluma Trailers 8)
Date & Time: Wednesday 28th of October 2009 06:22:44 AM
Name: Elden
Location: Provo
Testimony: I have to admit that I was skeptical about Zelph and his book. Things have changed for me now though. This book is true and although much of my Family has disowned me now for becoming a Zelphite, I forgive them for it is I that know that truth.
Hail to Zelph !
Date & Time: Wednesday 28th of October 2009 06:41:18 AM
Name: Ghiurgbf
Location: hKQrlkTTHChTpestfH
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Date & Time: Wednesday 28th of October 2009 06:41:54 AM
Name: Ghiurgbf
Location: hKQrlkTTHChTpestfH
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Date & Time: Wednesday 28th of October 2009 10:03:12 AM
Name: Pmbvhhcj
Location: myIyxOoYkSBCbn
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Date & Time: Wednesday 28th of October 2009 01:15:23 PM
Name: Iijdndiu
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Date & Time: Wednesday 28th of October 2009 01:24:37 PM
Name: Cory Davis
Location: Berlin, Germany
Testimony: I prayed and asked God if the Book of Zelph was true. He told me that it was the true sequel to the book of Mormon that we had been promised. FINALLY!! I mean, it's like if the final Harry Potter was delayed like 200 years! Can you imagine??
Date & Time: Wednesday 28th of October 2009 03:07:17 PM
Name: Kadiwqyz
Location: fWHPTUpWIx
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Date & Time: Thursday 29th of October 2009 01:35:19 AM
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Date & Time: Thursday 29th of October 2009 12:59:40 PM
Name: Lodlfrdz
Location: RrEJXrhzApOrduF
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