1. And the following morning I awoke late, as did all the Chief Nephi-Lamanite tribe, for we did party late, and did drinketh exceedingly much wine, which thing did causeth us to sleep late, and to have headaches, and to be stiff-necked. Nevertheless, it was a goodly party.

2. And it came to pass that when the sun was high in the sky, yea, Nephi, and other tribal members, did lead me on my journey, even on my journey to the enchanted forest inasmuch as so that I shall become an official tribal member.

3. And after the space of many hours, yea, we came upon a forest, and Nephi turned and spake unto me: Behold, Phil, if thou desires to turn back, thou must to do it now, for once we entereth into the enchanted forest, yeah, then shall there be no turning back.

4. And I spake that I desired to enter the forest and become a true tribal member. And Nephi spake that the choice I make was a goodly choice, and we did enter into the enchanted forest.

5. And it came to pass that the forest was dark, and thick, and had all manner of animals, even were there rabbits, and squirrels, and deer, and raccoons, and even did we see tapirs, and cureloms, and even snakes, and spiders, and lizards, and centipedes, and all manner of creatures dwelt within the enchanted forest.

6. And it came to pass that we journeyed deep within the enchanted forest, and it was exceedingly dark, and after the space of many minutes, yea, I beheld a light ahead, even a beam of sunlight shone down upon a spot in the forest, and this spot was the secret spot, and in the center of the secret spot was a tree, and upon the tree was built a tree fort.

7. And Nephi and the others led me to the tree fort. And Chief Nephi tapped the door of the tree fort with his staff, even did he tap three times. And a voice answered from within the tree fort, saying: What is wanted?

8. And Nephi replied: It is I, Nephi, and I desire to enter the tree fort to initiate a new member.

9. And the voice answered: Hath the new member a name?

10. And Nephi replied: Nay, we shall reveal it to him in the tree fort.

11. And the voice said: What is thy pass code?

12. And Nephi replied: Roses are red.

13. And it came to pass that after Nephi spake the pass code the door to the tree fort opened, and it was Onandagus who was in the tree fort, and who did ask the questions of his father. And we entered the fort, and the fort was good, and exceedingly fine, and Nephi gave unto me a bag, yea, even a sack.

14. And in the tree fort was a room, even only one room did exist within the tree fort, and many chairs were in the room, and Nephi bade me to sit on one of the chairs, and Onandagus sat next to me, and the other tribal members sat in the other chairs, and Nephi stood in front of us and spake.

15. And Nephi spake wondrous words of all the great tribal Chiefs who came before him, even the first tribal chief, named Doofu. And Doofu begat Grombus, and Grombus begat Amulekiah, and Amulekiah begat Yimbag, and Yimbag begat Zetrog, and Zetrog begat Zetrog the Younger, and Zetrog the Younger begat Moriontu, and Moriontu begat Tonto, and Tonto begat Adoofus, even Adoofus, the father of Chief Nephi who did enjoy antagonizing Nephites, which thing cost him his life. And Adoofus begat Nephi.

16. And it came to pass that Nephi spake of the great spirits in the sky, and the spirit forces that giveth life unto all, and he spake of the trees, and birds, and buffalo, and how all things are part of the circle of life, and the circle of life was good. And he spake of mastering the spirit forces and channeling their energy. And he held out his hand and levitated a rock to display the power of channeling the spirit forces.

17. And it came to pass after Nephi spake of the circle of life, yea, he commanded me to open the bag and taketh out the item therein. And I removed the item from the bag, and beheld it to be a loin cloth.

18. And Nephi spake, saying the loin cloth I held in my hand is the secret magic tribal loin cloth, and must be worn at all times. And it must needs be that I agree to wear the loin cloth always if I desired to be a tribal member. And the magic loin cloth has great powers, and shall protect me from danger. Wherefore, I agreed to always wear the magic loin cloth under my pants.

19. And it came to pass that Nephi taught unto me three secret handshakes, and he spake that I mustn’t ever reveal these secret handshakes, for if I reveal the secret handshakes, wo be unto me, for I shall be smitten down, for my throat shall be slit, and my stomach sliced open, and my scalp removed and hung from a tree as a penalty for revealing the secret handshakes. Wherefore, I shall not reveal the manner in which thy hands clasp for fear that our enemies shall use the handshakes to enterest into our tree fort. Nevertheless, there are three secret handshakes that I learned, but I shall reveal them not at this time.

20. And it came to pass that Nephi also taught unto me secret code words that shall be spoken to identify myself as a true tribal member. And Nephi commanded me to practice these code words only in private, for if I reveal the code words unto anyone, wo be unto me, for I shall be smitten down, and my throat shall be slit, and my stones shall be crushed, and my scalp removed as a penalty for revealing the secret tribal code words.

21. Then did Nephi stand on his hands, and he did lift one hand so as he was doing a one handed hand stand, and he did levitate a rock with his free hand. And he spake, saying that only those in tune with spirit forces shall command the elements like unto him.

22. And it came to pass that after the manner in which Nephi finished levitating things, and speaking of secret things and penalties for revealing them, and giving unto me the secret magic loin cloth, yea, he spake unto me saying he had one final thing to giveth unto me, after which I shall be an official tribal member.

23. And much anticipation existed within me, for I so desired to be an official tribal member. And Nephi spake unto me, saying: Behold, Phil, thou hath heard the secret code words with thy ears, and putteth on the secret loin cloth with thy hands, and hath thou seen me levitate rocks with thy eyes, wherefore, thou art no longer Phil, for thou doth commence a new life journey. Wherefore, thou shalt receive a new name. The name in which thou shalt be known amongst the tribe from this time forward shall be -- Dances with Cureloms.

24. And after Nephi spake the words of my new name, yea, I thinketh it to be not a good name, wherefore I spake unto Nephi: Behold, Nephi, why must I havest the name Dances with Cureloms? For I think that to be an exceedingly bad name, and I likest Phil better.

25. And Nephi replied unto me: Behold, Phil is the name of the Nephite whom ye once were, but thou art now a mighty Lamanite. Wherefore, thou must to shed thy old identity and taketh on a new name, even the name Dances with Cureloms.

26. And it came to pass that I decided the name was okay, and I said unto Nephi: Okay.

27. And Nephi, spake some final words: Behold, the initiation ceremony for Dances with Cureloms doth conclude. Wherefore, we shall now depart the secret tree fort, and leave the enchanted forest.

28. And after the manner in which Nephi ended my initiation, yea, all those in attendance, who did act as witnesses did shake my hand and welcomed me into the tribe with open arms and fellowship.

29. And we did journey back to the tribal village, and all awaited us, and the women did make much food and drink, and we did celebrate my initiation into the tribe. 

30. And it came to pass that we ate, drank, and were merry, for I was now a member of the tribe. And the party did last late into the night, and Fister did taketh me into her teepee, for she had a surprise for  me.

31. And it was that a friend of Fister, named Felcher, who was an exceedingly desirable Lamanite girl, was in Fister's teepee. And Felcher desired to lie with me, and cleave unto me, and fornicate me. And because Fister was learned in the teachings of the whores, and desired to follow their teachings, yea, she desired to lettest me know Felcher, even did they both desire to fornicate me at the same time, for they both craved man meat. And I thinketh their idea to be an exceedingly good idea.

32. And it came to pass that Fister and Felcher committed many whoredoms one to another while I watched, and afterwards I did lie with them both, and cleaved unto them both for the space of many minutes, and fornicated them with my schlong, and even did I spill my seed upon their succulent bosoms, and even upon Felcher's face, and afterwards we did fall asleep.

33. And it came to pass that the following morning I awakened a new man, for I was Phil no more. Behold, I am now Dances with Cureloms.

34. And though my skin be white like unto the snow, nevertheless, I am a proud Lamanite. And I do loveth my new life, even exceedingly.