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THE BOOK OF THE PEOPLE MESSAGES FROM THE MASSES CHAPTER 1 Messages posted by the public in an open forum. Each verse is a message written by a citizen of the land. The people wrote messages upon the plates anonymously - each wrote their message while no one else was around. After one year, sixty messages were written, and Shu decided to remove the plates from the public, because of the ugly and contentious messages that were written upon them. [Around 540 B.C.] 1. Greetings, my name is Leman. My mother desired to name me after my father, but she knew not if my father was Laman of Lemuel, wherefore she named me Leman. - Leman 2. Behold, Leman, Your mother was a whore. - Anonymous 3. Verily, Anonymous, I say unto thee, was your mother not a whore? Behold, many of us were born of whores. Wherefore, be thou nice, or write not messages upon these plates anymore. - David 4. Behold, Anonymous, call others not whores, for that is something the self righteous Nephites would call them. For our mothers simply desired a new form of marriage, yea, even open marriage. This doth make them not whores. Therefore, behold, preach not the teachings of the Nephites. - Sarah 5. Behold, I havest a question on the Nephite religion. Is it true the Nephites thinkest us to be dark and loathsome. - Anonymous 6. Yea, it is true, for I did read their plates. And Nephi doth call us dark and loathsome many times. - Sarah 7. Behold, he doth have bad taste, for I find our brown women beautiful, yea, even more beautiful than the pasty white fat Nephite cows. - Two Dogs Knowing Each Other 8. Behold, Two Dogs Knowing Each Other, I do laugh out loud at thy remarks. And where did thou gettest thy name. For it is an exceedingly peculiar name. - Leman 9. Sarah, how did thou readest the Nephite plates? For they are kept secure under great security, within the Nephite city walls. And the Nephites havest many swords amongst them. - David 10. Behold, Leman, my parents do havest an order by which they do namest their children, for they name their children after things they behold. Wherefore, when I was born, they lookest out their teepee and beheld two dogs knowing each other. They did thinkest it be a magical sign that they must name me that. And behold, my brother is named Soaring Eagle, which I do thinkest to be an exceedingly better name. - Two Dogs Knowing Each Other 11. Behold, David, I did havest a secret affair with a guard of Nephi. The guard did wantest me to do very bad things while fornicating him, not normal fornication, but very naughty fornication, even against the laws of Nephi. And I tellest him that I would do these things unto him only if he lets me to read the plates of Nephi. And because Nephi was exceedingly old, and had exceedingly bad eyesight, and his ears could hear not good, behold, the guard did retrieve the plates and lettest me read. Then afterwards, I did keep my word, and did the things that brought pleasure unto him. - Sarah 12. Behold Sarah, art thou doing anything tonight? - Jeffrey 13. Verily I say unto thee, Jeffrey, thou must to dream on. - Sarah 14. And I did suspect Nephi to teach such things. Behold, I hatest him. - Isaac 15. NEPHI SUX!!!!! - Anonymous 16. Behold, Anonymous doth sayest it best. For Nephi doth certainly suck. And also doth it appear that Sarah doth suck also, if thou doth know what I mean. - Jeffrey 17. Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Jeffrey, grow up. - Sarah 18. Behold, what is it that we can we do to bring the Nephites down? - Anonymous 19. Verily, Anonymous, I say unto thee, it is that thou shouldest to leave them alone, and lettest them practice their religion as they please. - Anon2 20. Behold, Anon2, I believest them to have the right to practice their religion. Nevertheless, they do try to force their beliefs down our throats. - Anonymous 21. Yea, Sarah doth havest experience with things being shoved down her throat. - Jeffrey 22. Behold, Jeffrey, thou art a perverted child. - Sarah 23. Behold, Sarah, I doth apologize. Doth thou forgive me? For my date offer doth still stand. - Jeffrey 24. Yea, I say unto all Lamanites, ye doth know the church to be true. Verily, behold, ye doth simply desire to sin, and to not live the commandments of God, wherefore, repent. - Nephi Rulez 25. Yea, it looketh as if we doth have a Nephite visitor, yea even a Nephite who hath infiltrated the pages of this record to write his propaganda. - Jeffrey 26. Behold, I doth havest a message to the anonymous Nephite who doth callest himself Nephi Rulez: Behold, ye may sucketh my seed sack. - David 27. And I do laugh at the thing that David did write at Nephi Rulez. For it was a good one. - Jeffrey 28. Yea, I exhort all to ignore the things Nephi Rulez doth write, for he doth simply come here to cause trouble unto us, even to stir up contention on these plates. - Harry Schlong 29. Behold, Harry Schlong, why is it that I shall takest anything seriously from one who doth havest the name Harry Schlong? For it is that thou shouldest to grow up, or return to thy mother, for it is past thy bedtime. - Nephi Rulez 30. And it shall come to pass that if I witness a Nephite engraving his Nephite propaganda upon these gold plates (hint unto Nephi Rulez) I shall taketh out my sword and smite off his head. For these plates belong to the Lamanites, and they are in the village square, and it is obvious unto me that a Nephite did infiltrate this village, and engraveth his message upon these plates. Wherefore, where is the Lamanite security? - Isaac 31. The Lamanites do busy ourselves with wars and contentions amongst one another, and it must needs be that we should unite to do battle against the one true enemy, yea, even the Nephites. - Anon 32. Yea, I agree. We need someone to guard the plates, and if thou doth behold a Nephite engraving upon them, it is our duty to smite him down with much vengeance, for the Nephites doth suck. - David 33. I thinkest Harry Schlong should not callest himself that, for it doth makest all Lamanites to look exceedingly bad. - Anon 34. Behold, Anon, Ye may to sucketh my seed sack. - Harry Schlong 35. Behold, I thinkest Harry Schlong is the same person as David. For they do both say sucketh my seed sack. - Jeffrey 36. And I thinkest we should to have a guard near these plates. For we do write anonymously, which is good, but also is it bad, for it doth makest it to be exceedingly easy for Nephites to sneak into the village, and writest their propaganda upon our plates. - Isaac 37. Verily, I say unto thee, I am not Harry Schlong, for it is that I am only David, and change not my name. And stop with thy stupid accusations, Jeffrey. - David 38. Behold, I desire all to stop contending one with another, even upon these plates. Wherefore, we must to talk bad of the Nephites, not of one another. - Sarah 39. Behold, Sarah, I desire thee to sucketh my seed sack. - Harry Schlong 40. Behold, Harry Schlong, I desire thee to stop writing your immature messages upon these plates, for thou art no better than the Nephites. - Isaac 41. Behold, Isaac, I desire thee to sucketh my seed sack also. - Harry Schlong 42. Behold, Harry Schlong, I desire to smite off thy head. - Isaac. 43. David, is it that thou did callest me stupid? For what did I do unto thee? If thou desires to call me stupid unto my face, I challenge thee to meet me tomorrow at noon, underneath the great oak tree. And I know thou shall not show up for the fight, for thou art a coward, like unto a girly Nephite. - Jeffrey 44. Verily, verily, I implore all to stop these contentions, and harsh words unto one another. And we should to simply ignore Harry Schlong, for he desires not to write good things, but only to insult with crass remarks. - Sarah 45. Behold, Sarah, is it that thou doth suck seed sack like unto thy mother? For thy mother haveth no teeth, which thing maketh her exceedingly good at sucking. - Harry Schlong 46. Behold, this shall be my last message that I write upon these plates, for nothing good is written here, only cruel insults. Wherefore, I say unto thee, adieu. - Sarah 47. Sarah, go not from the pages of these plates. For thou shouldest to ignore Harry Schlong, for he simply desires attention, like unto a small child. - Isaac 48. Behold, Jeffrey, takest not my remarks personally. I doth apologize for hurting thy feelings. And it is that I cannot meet thee under the oak tree for a fight, for at noon I shall be fornicating thy sister. - David 49. Behold, I do laugh at how the Lamanites contend one with another. For thou art a vile and wicked people. - Nephi Rulez 50. David, if I do discover thy identity, I shall rip out thy eyeballs, and fornicate thy empty eyesockets with my schlong. Then shall I smite off thy stones, and place them in thy empty eyesockets, and shovest thy bloody eyeballs up thy arse. - Jeffrey 51. And behold, Nephi Rulez, see my message to David, for I shall do the same unto thee, except even worse. - Jeffrey 52. Behold, Jeffrey is an abomination amongst Lamanites. - David 53. David is a buffalo fornicator. - Jeffrey 54. JEFFREY FORNICATES TAPIRS. - David 55. I fornicate David's mother too. - Jeffrey 56. And Jeffrey also desires to fornicate my father. - David 57. I say unto all here, adios, for I hatest David, and shall never lookest upon these plates again. For he doth desire to say insults unto me. Goodye. - Jeffrey 58. Behold Jeffrey, thou shouldest to cry unto thy mother, for ye art like unto a woman. - David 59. David, thou art mean. I too desire to no longer read these plates. - Isaac 60. Behold, ye Lamanites art exceedingly funny, for thy contentions do makest me to laugh. - Nephi Rulez 61. Behold, all, these plates are exceedingly good plates, and they do come from thy forefathers, even do they come from the great Laban the younger. And I desire not to see them defiled by the crass and vile writings, and contentions, which exist upon these pages. Wherefore, I shall remove these plates from the village square, and preserve them for the time they may come forth to a future generation that shall cherish them. - Shu |
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