<Back | Next>

An account of Melph. Melph tells of his father's death, learns the truth of Onandagus, rescues his mother, retrieves the plates, uses the gold plates to make gold coins, rebuilds his father's casino, and seals up his father's abridgment of the plates after writing his own final thoughts. Moroni stops into Melph's casino with a heavy bundle, says he is on a long journey to deposit an important record. Melph hides the Three Nephites in his casino. They perform magic tricks disguised as Lamanites. Melph and the Three Nephites become best friends. Melph promises that this book is true, challenges all who read it to roll the dice on its truthfulness.

CHAPTER 1

Melph writes of his father's death. Zelph tells Melph of Onandagus's treachery, commands Melph to retrieve the plates from Onandagus's village. To make the Lamanite record easier to manage, Zelph made an abridgment of the collection of plates onto a single set of leather plates and gave these leather plates to Melph. Melph promises to avenge his father. [About 380 A.D.]

1. And now I Melph, being the son of Zelph, shall commence writing an account of my life upon these leather plates, which are an abridgement of all the records, yea, even all the metal and stone plates. And I shall append my record to the leather plates of my father.

2. Now my father, being a goodly man, did liveth a goodly life, and he was taken from me before his time, yea, even did he die in the wilderness, next to his old burned down casino.

3. And I shall write of his death, for we spake with the Three Nephites who testified unto us that they shall die not, yea, even are they immortal. And my father, being a skeptical man despite having the gift of magic and sorcery, desired to test their claim, even by shooting an arrow at them.

4. And it came to pass that the Three Nephites spake that they desired not to cast their pearls before swine. Nevertheless, since my father and me be not swine, yea, the Three Nephites agreed to prove their powers, yea, even their gift of immortality, and even their magic garments. Wherefore, one of the Three Nephites did stand twenty paces from my father, and bade my father to try to smite him, and my father shot an arrow at his heart, even to test the power of his magic Nephite garments and his powers of immortality. And the arrow that my father shot struck the Nephite in the chest. And after the manner in which it struck the Nephite in the chest, yea, it did bounce off, even as if striking a slab of concrete.

5. And it came to pass that my father and I stood all amazed, for the Three Nephites really did havest great powers. And they spake that their garments do protect them from arrows and other danger, such as fire and alligators. And they proveth their magic garments doth work, for their magic garments did deflect the test arrow.

6. Now my father, being a competitive man, desired to prove his magic loin cloth doth also have exceedingly great powers of protection, like unto the Nephite's garments, and he gavest the bow and arrow unto the Nephite whom he shot with the arrow, and he spake unto the Nephite: Behold, Nephite, I challenge thee to attempt to slay me likest I attempted to slay thee. And I bear my testimony unto thee that the arrow shall bounce off of me also, and ye shall witness the power of my magic loin cloth, yea, which thing is as powerful as thy magic garments, and ye shall stand in awe of my great powers.

7. And the Nephite desired not to shoot at my father, for he thinketh my father's loin cloth shall fail, for the Three Nephites believeth not in magic clothing unless it be the Nephite garments. Nevertheless, my father challenged the Nephite, and accused him of being like unto a chicken, even did my father makest chicken noises while taunting the Nephite.

8. And because my father spake taunts unto the Nephite, and bragged exceedingly that his loin cloth is more magical than the Nephite garments, and becaue my father did callest him a female chicken, yea, the Nephite was desirous to shoot my father, wherefore, he did lift his bow and shoot the arrow at my father. And the arrow struck my father in the chest, even between two ribs, and the arrow did stick, yea, even did the arrow go deep into my father's chest. 

9. And it came to pass that my father fell to the ground, and cried out in exceeding pain. And the Nephite who shot him spake an apology unto him, for he meant not to harm my father. And my father chastised the Nephite, for the Nephite was supposed to aim for my father's loin cloth, not for his chest. And the Three Nephites gathered round about my father, and did taketh out some oil, and did pour it on my father's head, and did place their hands on his head, and they did pray exceedingly to their god to save him.

10. And while the Nephites did pray, yea, my father spake unto me: Melph, I shall soon be dead, wherefore, thou must to know the truth.

11. And my father spake unto me a great many things, even exceedingly disturbing things about Onandagus, even did he speak of Onandagus's conspiracy against him, and his treachery and double crossing. And my father spake unto me to go to the Onandagus tribal village and retrieve my mother, and get the plates from Onandagus, for I am the rightful heir to the precious records, but Onandagus doth havest the key. Wherefore, I must get it from him.

12. And it came to pass that my father placed his hand in his pocket, and meekly removed his leather plates, which were exceedingly thick, even thicker than I remembereth them to be. And my father spake unto me that he labored exceedingly to abridge the contents of the precious metal plates upon his leather plates. Wherefore, the main parts of the entire Lamanite records, even the metal plates and such, are contained within my father's leather plates. And after my father abridged the stories of Laban, and the whores, and the son of Abitch, and Dances with Cureloms, and his own life, yea, my father did bind his leather plates into book format, and did call his book the Book of Zelph.

13. And I asked my father why he doth waste precious time rewriting the words of the metal plate collection upon his leather plates. And my father spake unto me that he abridged the records upon leather plates because he did tire of pushing the metal plates in a handcart, for the metal plates were exceedingly big and heavy. Wherefore, my father transcribed the contents of the metal plates upon his leather plates to maketh them less bulky and easier to carry.

14. Nevertheless, my father behooveth me to retrieve the complete set of plates from Onandagus, for even though the main parts of the plates exist in the leather plates, and ye shall know the whole story of Laban, and the whores, and everyone else by reading the leather Book of Zelph, yea, the collection of metal plates are exceedingly valuable, and doth have exceeding abundance of gold, and silver, and jewels, which shall maketh me rich. And I shall use the riches to start a new life away from the tribe of Onandagus. And also, amongst the plates is the magic decoder rock, which thing is needed for me to decode the Reformed Asian words which are written upon the leather plates.

15. And I spake unto my father that the manner in which the Lamanites keepeth records, yea, even with plates and magic decoder rocks, is exceedingly peculiar. Nevertheless, I spake a promise unto my father that I shall retrieve the plates from Onandagus, and use them to start a new life. And my father gavest unto me his leather plates, and I put the leather plates in my pocket. And after the manner in which I put the leather plates in my pocket, yea, my father died, even did he give up the ghost.

16. And it came to pass that after my father perished, yea, the Three Nephites looked one to another, and wondered why their god healed not my father. And they discerned it be because my father was unworthy.

17. And I spake unto the Nephites, and accused them of killing my father on purpose, yea, even for missing his magic loin cloth on purpose. And I raised my sword, and attempted to smite down the Nephite who shot the arrow, but yea, the Nephites desired to fight not, for even though they havest the gift of immortality, yea, they were peaceful Nephites, and they desired not contention, but to turn the other cheek, wherefore, they speedily fled from my presence.

18. And it came to pass that I buried my father nearby his casino, for he did love his casino exceedingly, and it would be pleasing unto him to be buried here.

19. And I desired to go and do the things that my father commanded of me, for I know he giveth me no commandment unless he wants me to do it. Wherefore, I shall rescue my mother, and retrieve the plates and magic decoder rock. And after the manner in which I do these things, yea, I shall destroy Onandagus.

  Home

© 2005 Josh Anderson Enterprises, All rights reserved. 

<Back | Next>