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CHAPTER 6

Balsac and his wife attempt to avenge Laban. The wife of Balsac is killed. Laman and Lemuel debate different governmental systems. Laman seizes power through the will of the people. Nephi's curse strikes Lemuel. Nephi is driven from the land.  [The late 580s B.C.]

1. And I, Yi Ping, do commence the sixth chapter in this epic story.

2. Now, Laban the younger, even that Laban the younger who did livest a good life, and who was a good man, and who was driven by an obsession for vengeance upon the murderer of his father, yea, even that Laban the younger now lie dead, in a strange land, far, far away from his home.

3. And Nephi spake from the tower, and did apologize, and did say that he meant not to knock Laban off the platform.

4. And after the manner by which Nephi did apologize, yea, he did hear a loud shriek from behind his head, and it was a strange shriek, for it did sound not like a person, but like a small animal.

5. And Nephi did turn in time to see the wife of Balsac, yea, even the white bunny with the pink nose, who did lunge at Nephi's face with all her might. And she did expose her fangs, and did havest but small teeth. Nevertheless, her teeth were sharp like unto daggers, and could cause much damage, for she did so desire to kill Nephi for what he did to Laban.

6. And when Nephi beheld the wife of Balsac lunging toward his face, yea, he did lift up his sword in defense. And the wife of Balsac did land on the tip of Nephi's sword, then did she slide down the sword, thus impaling herself.

7. And it came to pass that Balsac did look upon the scene in horror. For his lovely wife, who did lunge at Nephi in an attempt to slay him, did now hang in the air with a sword through her beautiful body. And her lovely, white-and-delightsome fur was now stained with red blood.

8 And Balsac did cry out, yea, even did he shriek a most unpleasant, blood-curdling shriek, and did lookest upon Nephi with anger in his eyes.

9. And Nephi beheld Balsac, even did Nephi see that Balsac did havest a crazy look in his eye. And Nephi spake, saying: Behold little monkey, I meant not to harm thy bunny friend, for she did lunge at me, yea, even did she attempt to slay me. And she did land upon the tip of my sword, and it was but an accident, just as Laban's death was an accident. Wherefore, seek not to avenge her, or I shall find it needs be to defend myself from thee.

10. And Balsac did ignore Nephi's apologies, and warnings, and he did lunge at Nephi. And Nephi did step aside and did catch Balsac by his tail, and did lift Balsac over his head.

11. And it came to pass that Nephi did spin Balsac by the tail over his head, even did Nephi spin Balsac around his head three times. And after the manner in which Nephi did spin Balsac, yea, he did throwest him, even with all his might, over the edge of the tower.

12. And the son of Abitch beheld that Balsac fllew from the tower. Wherefore he did run and catch Balsac before he striketh the ground, thus preserving his life. 

13. And it came to pass that Nephi did remove the wife of Balsac from the end of his sword, and he did toss the dead rabbit carcass from the edge of the tower. And Balsac did catch his wife's body. 

14. And it came to pass that the wife of Balsac was still barely alive. And Balsac did hold her in his arms and they spake one to another. And I know not what they spake; for they did havest their own cute animal language, and they did makest little monkey and bunny noises one to another.

15. And I believest they did say their final goodbyes. And shortly thereafter, yea, the wife of Balsac did die. And many people did witness the things that Nephi did. And many people did havest tears in their eyes because of the death of the wife of Balsac.

16. And it came to pass that after Nephi did cause the deaths of Laban and the wife of Balsac, yea, Laman discerned a political opportunity. And Laman did walk out to where Laban's body lay, and where Balsac stood holding his dead wife. Then did Laman pick up the dead carcass of the wife of Balsac, and he did hold it up for the multitude to behold.

17. And Laman did address the crowd: Thy prophet Nephi doth find it necessary to murder those who oppose him, and he doth even murder small furry creatures of the woods that come to the defense of their friends. For this bunny was a friend of Laban's and gave her life to defend him. Is this what shall become of anyone who doth oppose Nephi? Can a man be a prophet of God and also kill bunnies? I say no. Wherefore Nephi is either a prophet or a bunny killer. By their fruits ye shall know them. This is Nephi's fruit.

18. And Laman did hold up the bloody, broken body of the wife of Balsac as symbolic of Nephi's rotten fruit, and he continued his oratory:  Who desires to eat of Nephi's fruit?

19. And the crowd did murmur amongst themselves. And Nephi spake loudly from the tower, even did he speak a rebuttal: Laman desires to turn this incident into a scandal, but yea, it was only an accident; for I meant not to hurt that cute animal, nor did I intend to kill Laban. For Laban did fall from this tower by accident. And Laman is simply trying to stir contention, but beware for contention is of Lucifer.

20. And Laman did reply: Yea Nephi, who is Lucifer?

21. And Nephi did answer Laman: Behold, if it was that thou did payest attention during my lessons, yea, then would thou knowest that Lucifer is satan, even the devil. And this we did findest out by reading the brass plates, for Lucifer is the devil, even the adversary, and the adversary doth use contention to lead the souls of man away from god.

22. And Laman addressed the people: Nephi doth try scare tactics by using his beliefs against us. He doth try to make us fear the devil, but yea, perhaps Nephi is the devil, for only a devil can desire to hurt cute animals and murder defenseless brass-plate owners. For we shall never forget that Nephi did kick all the creatures out of this camp when we did move in, and he did kill many animals for food.

23. And Nephi replied: Behold, verily, verily I say unto thee, this is but ridiculous unto me, for I defended this camp from an invader. And ye should all thank me; for Laban didest desire to kill me, and perhaps kill many of you. And I defended thee like unto a good leader, and prophet. And I fed thee like unto a good leader. What is it that I should have ye eat? Grass?

24. And Laman replied: Behold, Nephi doth brag much about what a wonderful and marvelous leader he is. But who amongst us elected Nephi to be our leader? Yea, not I. Nevertheless, Nephi doth simply taketh over as leader with no mandate from the people. Wherefore, it must needs be that we have elections, for the people shouldest elect their leaders. And the power must flow from us, and our leaders must be accountable to us. Wherefore, I recommend we vote now, and I doth choose me as leader. Who shall vote for me? For if ye desire a bunny killer as thy leader, yea, choose Nephi. However, if ye desire a man who shall lead thee, and who desires to live in peace with all of the creatures of the woods, yea, vote for me. Behold, those who desire me as their leader say 'aye'.

25. And many people did agree with Laman, and they did yell 'aye'. And Nephi felt it must needs be that he end this debate, for Laman hath stirred up contentions amongst the people and turned many hearts against him.

26. Wherefore, Nephi spake again saying: Behold people, hearken not unto the cunning words of Laman, for ye knoweth me to be a prophet, yea, even God's mouthpiece, like unto my father before me. And the Lord hath told my father that I shall lead his people. Wherefore, my father is thy prophet, and he is very old, and shall soon be dead, and then shall I lead thee. And it was his wish that I succeed him as prophet and rule over thee. And if ye believeth him to be a prophet, ye must believeth me to be a prophet too. And these things shall not be voted on exceptest they be voted on by the council in heaven; for only shall the counsel decide on prophets, not the people. And the people may vote, but they shall only have one candidate. And that candidate was given unto them by God. And that candidate is me. Therefore, ye may cast thy votes to sustain me, and no other. And those who doth vote with Laman shall be cut off from the Lord's people. All agreed please show with the uplifted sign. 

27. And many people did raise their right hands to sustain Nephi as their prophet, seer, and revelator.

28. Then did Laman speak: Wherefore, Nephi doth appeal to the counsels of heaven, but where art these counsels? Are they struggling in the wilderness with us? Is it that they knowest the issues here? No, only we knowest the issues at hand. Wherefore, only shall we vote for our leaders. And it must needs be that we separate church from state; for church issues and state issues must not mingle. Wherefore, Nephi shall remain prophet. But yea, chooseth me as thy secular leader.

29. And many people did agree with Laman, and desired much to separate church and state. And Nephi spake, saying: Behold, the lord never said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it. And if ye doth desire not to follow me even spiritually and temporally, behold ye have cuttest thyselves off from God. And if ye refuse to follow me, yea behold, I shall call down a curse upon thee. And ye shall be cursed with a mighty cursing. Yea, even shall thy skin be cursed with a dark pigment, and shall ye appear dark and loathsome unto beautiful white people like me. And ye shall turn into savages without culture nor a work ethic. And I say unto thee now, repent and save thyselves from this mighty cursing, for I am God's mouthpiece here on Earth, and if ye do not....

30. And before Nephi did finish the thing that he did want to say, yea, a tomato did strike him, even in the chest. And the tomato did leave a red stain on his shirt. And Nephi did look upon the crowd with anger in his eyes, and spake in a loud voice with much authority: Who did this thing unto me, even thy prophet? Who amongst thee did throwest that tomato, even did throwest that tomato at me? 

31. And the people glanced round about, but none gave utterance. And Nephi spake: Behold, the person who did throw this tomato shall be punished. But if this person who did this thing unto me confesses not this crime, then behold, ye shall all be punished.

32. And it came to pass that after Nephi did makest these threats to the people, yea, a piece of dung did fly through the air and did strike Nephi, yea, even did the dung strike Nephi in the face, even did some of the dung go inside his mouth. 

33. And Nephi did gag, and did bend over and did spit much, and even did Nephi throwest up. 

34. And then did another piece of dung flyest toward the face of Nephi. And Nephi did barely duck to avoid getting more dung in his mouth.

35. And many did look around to findest the source from whence the dung sprang. And it was Balsac the monkey who did defecate into his own hand, then did he throwest the dung at Nephi. 

36. And many in the crowd beheld the thing that Balsac was doing. And after seeing the manner in which Balsac did defecate into his own hand and throw it, yea, many people did puke, and a woman did faint, and also many people did laugh. 

37. And Nephi did chastise Balsac, even with a sore chastising: Little monkey, behold, if thou doth throwest another piece of dung at me, yea, then shall I smite thee down, yea, even with a mighty smiting.

38. And when Nephi spake these things, yea, many beheld he did have brown teeth from the dung. And this did cause much loud laughter amongst the multitude, which thing did anger Nephi more. And he did continue chastising Balsac and the people.

39. And Balsac did ignore Nephi's warning, and did continue to throw dung at Nephi; for he did so desire revenge on Nephi for killing his lovely wife. 

40. And it came to pass that Nephi did chastise Balsac even more: Behold little monkey, verily, verily I say unto thee, thou hath asked for this punishment, for I did warn thee already. Wherefore, prepare to be slain.

41. And Nephi did run down the stairs of the tower to punish Balsac, yea, even to slay him for the crime of throwing dung. And Balsac did continue throwing dung at Nephi. And Nephi did block the dung of Balsac with his sword. And Nephi did reach the bottom of the tower stairs, and did come at Balsac, even to slay him, and when Nephi did attemptest to slay Balsac with his sword, yea, an arrow did pass by Nephi's head.

42. And Nephi was exceedingly alarmed; for the arrow did nearly slay him, for it did miss his head by only an inch. Then did Nephi look up and beheld the son of Abitch, who had gatherest up Laban's bow and arrows from the archery tournament. 

43. And the son of Abitch did shootest arrows at Nephi to defend Balsac the monkey. And when he did shootest the arrows, he did yell out, even in a loud voice: Die bastard!

44. And Nephi did block the arrows of the son of Abitch with his sword. Then did Nephi lift his arm and attempt to place a curse upon the son of Abitch. And Nephi spake the curse saying: Behold, by the power of god, and in the name of Jesus Christ, I place a curse upon thee.

45. But before the curse of Nephi did takest effect, yea, the son of Abitch did shootest an arrow at Nephi, and Nephi did dive to the ground to avoid being stricken dead, and wherefore, the curse was thwarted.

46. And the son of Abitch spake at Nephi, even in a loud voice: Yea Nephi, curse this!

47. And the son of Abitch did shootest another arrow in the direction of Nephi, and it did barely miss. And then did Balsac throw more dung at Nephi. And the person who did throw a tomato at Nephi, did throwest another tomato. And Nephi did realize that the majority of people opposed him. Wherefore, to preserve his life he did turn to flee.

48. And it came to pass as Nephi did turn to flee, yea, he so desired revenge upon Laman for stirring up contention among the crowd, and for turning the people against him. Wherefore, Nephi did raise his arm to curse Laman, even to curse him with a mighty cursing.

49. And as Nephi did raise his arm, yea, the son of Abitch did shoot an arrow at him. Nevertheless, Nephi did dive sideways so as to avoid being slain by the arrow. And as he did dive sideways through the air, yea, he did lift his arm to curse Laman.

50. And a bright yellow beam did emerge from Nephi's hand, even like unto a sunbeam that doth shine through a window. And the beam did travel in the direction of Laman, even did it shootest from Nephi's hand toward Laman.

51. And the beam was the curse that Nephi did promise would come upon those who did oppose him.

52. And the curse did come upon Laman. And Laman did attempt to dodge the curse, and just when the curse was about to strike Laman, yea, Lemuel did dive between Nephi and Laman so as to block the curse, and as Lemuel dove he did cry out 'NO!', and the curse did strikest Lemuel instead, thus preserving Laman's life.

53. And it came to pass that after the manner in which Nephi did shoot a curse at Laman, and did instead strike Lemuel, yea, then did Nephi turn and run into the wilderness.

54. And Balsac and the son of Abitch did give chase. But Nephi was swift and did escape and hide in the wilderness. And Balsac and the son of Abitch could find him not, and they did return to the village.

55. And it came to pass that Lemuel did lie upon the ground after blocking the curse of Nephi, even blocking the curse with his body. And the multitude did gather round about him. And he did open his eyes, and stand, and it did appear that the curse caused him no affliction, for he did appear to be okay.

56. And Laman beheld his brave brother, and spake unto him: Behold, Lemuel, is it that thou art okay?

57. And Lemuel, did lookest down at his body, and did runneth his hands over his chest and bosom, and spake, saying: Yea, I doth feel fine. But when I beheld the yellow curse ray that doth come from Nephi's hand toward thee, yea, I did thinkest it would slay thee. Wherefore, I desired to preserve thy life by placing myself in front of thee, thus acting as a shield.

58. And Laman did place his hand upon Lemuel's shoulder, and did havest many tears on his cheeks, and he spake, saying: Lemuel, thou art the bravest person that I doth know. And I say unto thee, thank you.

59. And it came to pass that the brothers did embrace, and many people did havest tears in their eyes, for Laman and Lemuel did showest all what brotherly love doth mean.

60. And it came to pass that we did takest the body of Laban the younger and did bury it, and the people did mourn. Then did Balsac carry his wife's body to her final resting place, and did bury it, and the people did mourn.

61. And it came to pass that because Nephi doth hide in the wilderness, the people did lookest upon Laman as their leader, for they did prefer his system of governance.

62. But yea, some of Nephi's other brothers, yea even Sam, and Jacob, and Joseph and their wives, and also Nephi's wife, and also his sisters, and even some other people did desire to follow Nephi. And they did plead unto Laman to allow them to collect tents and supplies, so as they can find Nephi in the wilderness and live with him there.

63. And Laman did allow the followers of Nephi to gather their supplies, for Laman was a goodly leader, and desired not to force all to stay. And the people who desired to follow Nephi did depart from the village so as to live with Nephi, even in the wilderness.

64. And we did callest ourselves Lamanites, and the followers of Nephi, who dwelt in the wilderness with him, did callest themselves Nephites.

65. And it came to pass that we did desire to celebrate our independence, and did havest a party. And all did eat drink and be merry, and the party did run late into the night.

66. And finally all did fall asleep. And the following morning, yea, even the morning after Nephi was expelled from the village, we did awaken to a shocking discovery - Nephi's curse doth work.

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