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CHAPTER 12

Laban the younger seeks out Nephi with the son of Abitch, travel in wilderness, interrogate Asian whores in Nahom. The son of Abitch has a gut feeling that Nephi and his family will attempt to escape by sea. [About 590 - 589 B.C.]

1. And it came to pass that it was that I was deputized, and did commence my search for Nephi, the murderer of my father and fugitive from justice.

2. And the son of Abitch was the detective in charge, and did havest full power to search for Nephi anywhere on Earth so as he could be returned to Jerusalem and executed. And also did we havest a license to kill if Nephi doth resist arrest.

3. And we knew not where to begin seeking him out, for he and his family did escape Jerusalem without a trace, even as if they used magic to disappear.

4. And we did determine to begin our search in the wilderness. And we did leave Jerusalem, and did travel in the wilderness for many days, yea, even many weeks. And after the space of many weeks did pass, we did discover our first clue, yea, even a broken bow.

5. And it came to pass that  the bow was made out of a fine metal, yea, even was it made out of fine steel. And I did remembereth back to the time of Nephi talking much about a bow he was building using steel. And because steel is exceedingly strong, Nephi did callest his bow a superbow.

6. And when he did tellest this thing unto me, yea, I did thinkest him to be lying, for superbows be not real, but now I suspect it to be true, for this is Nephi's superbow, and it is broken and was obvious unto me, and the son of Abitch, that Nephi's superbow doth not work good. Nevertheless, we did knowest we were going in the right direction.

7. And after the space of many days, we did come upon a small town in the wilderness called Nahom, for it did havest a sign that did sayest: Behold, Welcome to Nahom.

8. And we entereth the town, and the son of Abitch did say: Laban, behold, let me do the talking.

9. And I did agree to do the things the son of Abitch commands, even to keep my mouth shut, so as not to disrupt the son of Abitch's investigation, for it was that he was exceedingly skilled in the art of investigation, yea, even interrogating witnesses. And the son of Abitch did interrogate many townspeople on the street about Nephi and his family. And the son of Abitch did showest pictures of Nephi to the people, but none did claim to knowest of him.

10. And it came to pass that we did come upon a social gathering place and watering hole, yea, even a tavern called 'Isaac's Place.' And the son of Abitch desired to takest a break and havest a drink. And we did enter the establishment, and did sit at the bar, and did meet Isaac, who was the bartender. And Isaac spake unto us: Greetings strangers, what doth bringest thee to Nahom?

11. And the son of Abitch did showest his badge unto Isaac and spake unto him: Yea, it is that we are from Jerusalem, and we seek out a fugitive from justice, yea, even a murderer. And we thinketh the murderer may have passed through this town.

12. And the son of Abitch did showest a picture of Nephi unto Isaac, and did say: Is it that thou hast seen this bastard?

13. And Isaac did say: Yea, it is that I'm not sure if I have seen him, for my eyesight is exceedingly poor.

14. And the son of Abitch knew that Isaac had not poor eyesight, yea, but Isaac did attempt to bribe us. Wherefore the son of Abitch did takest out a gold coin, and did givest it to Isaac, and did say: Behold, how is thy eyesight now?

15. And Isaac replied: Yea, my eyesight hath improved, for the man in this picture doth look exceedingly familiar, for it came to pass that a group did livest in this town for awhile, then did they leave after one of them did perish from old age. And this doth look like one of the members of the group, even doth it look like unto the brother of Laman and Lemuel

16. And it came to pass that I was exceedingly excited at the news, and I did sayest in an excited voice: Thou knowest Laman and Lemuel?

17. And Isaac did answer me: Yea, I knowest them well, for they did come here often, and did complain to me much about their crazy father and their little brother, whom they did hatest, even did they hatest him exceedingly much, for they did callest him a pig knower, and did drinkest much wine, and other strong drink, to escape their miserable lives. And also did they spend much time with Yi Ping and her daughters.

18. And the son of Abitch did say: Yea, who is it that is named Yi Ping?

19. And Isaac did point to a room at the top of a staircase, yea, even an adjoining business, and did say: Yi Ping doth work out of that room, but yea, I knowest thee to be authorities, nevertheless, arrest me not, for I do know that the illicit activities of Yi Ping and her daughters are an abomination, but we are partners not, only am I her landlord. For Yi Ping doth run her own business, and I do lookest the other way. Only do I accept rent from Yi Ping, but I ask not how she did earn her rent money.

20. And the son of Abitch did reply: Yea, worry not Isaac, for we desire to arrest not anyone save it be Nephi, and I thankest thee for thy information. It is that we shall now interrogate Yi Ping to gatherest more information.

21. And the son of Abitch did givest unto Isaac a gold coin, as payment for the information he did provide unto us, for it was exceedingly good information.

22. And it came to pass that the son of Abitch and I did climbest the stairs to visit Yi Ping. And it was that the room above the bar did havest a sign on the door that did read: 'Yi Ping's Massage Parlour.' Yea, but obvious unto us the massage parlour was really a front for a house of ill repute, yea, even a whorehouse.

23. And we did enterest the massage parlour, and did meet Yi Ping, who was the owner, and also did we meet her daughters named Bo, Shu, and Li.

24. And it came to pass that these women did work as harlots, even as whores, for they were skilled in the art of pleasuring man, yea, even were they skilled at fornication. And these whores did come from the Eastern country, yea, even the orient, or Asia.

25. And yea, they did have Asian names and their names did have a special meaning. For the meaning of Yi Ping being happy duckweed, Bo meaneth precious, Shu meaneth kind, and Li meaneth beautiful. And they all four were very beautiful, and I did understand why Laman and Lemuel did frequent their establishment, for I did have want to know them, even to know all of them.

26. And Yi Ping did asketh us if we desired to order a "massage". And it was that we desired exceedingly to receive "massages", but did fightest the urge, for it must needs be that we were there for business not pleasure. Wherefore, the son of Abitch did commence asking questions of the whores.

27. And he spake unto them saying: Doth any of ye recognize the names Laman and Lemuel? For it is that they are brothers who doth frequent this establishment.

28. And it came to pass that Yi Ping did answer the son of Abitch saying: Of course we knoweth them, for they be my best customers, for they do like to come often. And they do buy lots of extras, which they putteth on their tab, and we love them long time.

29. And the son of Abitch did asketh Yi Ping if she had seen them recently.

30. And Yi Ping did answer the son of Abitch: Nay, it is that Laman and Lemuel have visited us not for long time, for it was that last time I did see them it was that they were walking down street. I spake unto Laman, for he and Lemuel doth have a tab here, and they do owe me much, and they being our best customer, if it shall come to pass that they pay not their bill, yea, we shall go out of business, for not many around here pay for Asian girls, but Laman and Lemuel do prefer Asian flesh. And if it is that we must write their bill off as a bad debt, and go out of business, yea, we shall seek to destroy Laman and Lemuel.

31. And the son of Abitch asked: Where was it that Laman and Lemuel were going?

32. And Yi Ping did answer: It was that Laman and Lemuel were walking with some other people, yea, even old people and young children. And they appeared to be going on a camping trip, for they did havest much camping gear with them, even backpacks and handcarts, but Laman doth promise me that they would be back soon, but that was long time ago, and now I worry exceedingly about his debt.

33. And the son of Abitch did say: Which direction was it that they did travel?

34. And Yi Ping pointed in the direction of the Red Sea, and did sayest: Yea, it was that they did travel in that direction.

35. And it came to pass that the son of Abitch did havest a gut feeling that Nephi and his family shall try to escape by sea. And he did tellest the whores that  he knew with assurity that Laman and Lemuel departed the city, and shall never return. Therefore, it must needs be that they write off their tab as a bad debt.

36. And Yi Ping did reply that she desired to hunt down and destroy Laman and Lemuel, for they did escape payment of their massage parlour bill, and this shall cause her to go out of business, which thing doth makest Yi Ping and her daughters exceedingly angry. And without their massage parlour business, yea, it was that they had nothing in Nahom, and did desire to accompany us on our quest, even our quest for vengeful justice.

37. And it came to pass that the son of Abitch did want not the whores to join us, for this was man's work, and he did say unto the whores: Yea, come not with us on our journey, for this is man's work, and ye harlots shall slow us down.

38. And Yi Ping did say unto us: Yea, thou thinkest we only be whores, but who shall keepest thee warm at night when thee doth camp in the wilderness? Is it that the ye two shall keepest each other warm? Yea no, for thou doth know that snuggling with another man, yea, even to keepest warm at night, is an abomination and a crime. Therefore, we shall service thee for free, and keepest thee warm at night, if thou doth allow us to join ye on thy journey so as ye can deliver Laman and Lemuel unto us.

39. And the son of Abitch did sayest unto Yi Ping:: Behold, Yi Ping, verily I say unto thee, it is that we havest a job to do, and have not the time for pleasure, for we must quickly hie unto the Red Sea before Nephi. For if he doth sail away, we shall never find him, and the murderous bastard shall have escaped justice. And I do knowest that he shall attempt escape by sea, for my instincts do tellest me that.

40. And Yi Ping did gettest an excited look on her face, and did say: Yea, we doth know how to build a boat, for our father was a fisherman, and he doth teach us. If ye doth let us come, and Nephi doth escape by sea, and it must needs be that ye pursue Nephi by boat, then shall we build thee a fine boat.

41. And I did reply, and did sayest unto the son of Abitch: Yea, son of Abitch, it is that Yi Ping doth havest an exceedingly good idea, for the Asians are renowned for their seafairing skills. And if it is that Nephi doth escape by sea, yea, we shall pursue him by sea, and we shall havest exceeding need for boat builders, and seafaring experts, on our journey across the sea.

42. And the son of Abitch did say: Nay! We shall capture Nephi before he doth escape by boat, ye can count on that. For crime is a disease, and I am the cure, and I shall rid this land of the disease, which is Nephi, before that bastard doth spread his vile wickedness across the sea and into other lands.

43. And Yi Ping did reply: So be it, but if ye desire not to takest us on thy journey, yea, return Laman and Lemuel unto us so as we can taketh justice into our own hands.

44. And the son of Abitch did reply: Behold, if thou doth have want for Laman and Lemuel, ye must seek them out thyselves, for it is that we are not delivery boys for Asian whores, yea, and we seek only Nephi, and we doth waste precious time here and must continue our pursuit. Wherefore, whores, we bid thee adieu.

45. And Yi Ping did answer: Yea, adieu, and good luck on thy journey.

46. And thus concludes the twelfth chapter in my epic tale. Except it be not a tale, but a story, yea, even a true story.

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