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THE FIRST BOOK OF LABAN HIS LIFE IN JERUSALEM CHAPTER 11 Laban loses the sixteen plates describing the trial, tries to use a magic rock, but it doesn't work, he makes an abridgement upon stones. Nephi is tried in absentia for the murder of Laban. The Jury deliberates for only 5 minutes and convicts Nephi of murder - the fastest conviction in history. Laban is deputized. [Between 600 and 592 B.C.] 1. And wo be unto me, for I did makest a record of the court proceedings which did convict Nephi, but then did I lose the chapter about the trial, which was written upon sixteen bronze plates, for I must have dropped the sixteen trial plates somewhere in the wilderness, and now I can findest them not, for I did search everywhere but they are gone as if devoured by the earth. 2. And the son of Abitch, who doth accompany me on my journey, did suggest unto me to rewrite the things which I did write on the trial plates, but yea, if I doest attempt to make a copy of the plates, and the original plates turn up, and the two sets of plates match not word for word, yea, many will not believest the things which I write are true. 3. And my Asian companions, who did also join me on this journey, and whom I shall introduce in the next chapter, did havest upon them an ancient magic Asian rock, which thing is a magic rock that doth see hidden treasure. And the whores did loan the rock unto me, so as I may 'see' the lost plates of the trial, and findest them, or retranslate them on new plates. 4. And I believest not in magic, nevertheless desperate was I, and I did endeavor to use the rock to 'see' my lost plates, but wo be unto me, for the rock did fail, and I did givest it back to my Asian companions, and did tellest them that magic is not real. 5. And I knew not what to do about the issue of the sixteen lost plates, for it was an exceedingly pressing issue, for if I retranslate word for word, mine enemies may find and alter the original plates so as to confound me. 6. And the son of Abitch did grow angry, and did desire that I lose all of my plates, because he did thinkest my plates to be a nuisance, and a waste of time, and did he thinkest them to be a waste of gold and silver, and also did he thinkest that they did slow us down when we did travel, for I did havest so many plates that I did need a hand cart to push them. Nevertheless, it must needs be that I makest this record. 7. And it came to pass that I did come upon a solution to the dilemma of the sixteen lost plates, for I shall simply make an abridgement of the trial on new plates, and the abridgment shall be like the original plates, except a little different, and with fewer details. 8. And the following verses are my abridgment of the plates describing Nephi's trial. Wherefore, if anyone doth find my original sixteen plates of the trial, and they match not word for word with these new plates, remember that this is only an abridgment and doth cover the main points. 9. And the verses above, which describe of being in the wilderness with Asian companions and the son of Abitch, must be confusing unto thee, for these events shall happen in the upcoming chapters. Nevertheless, I do write this chapter upon these plates while in the wilderness. 10. And because I am out of gold and silver, and these are small plates I shall call them tablets, and I carve the words upon rocks which I did find in the wilderness. Wherefore, these are the small stone tablets of the trial, which is an abridgement of the sixteen big bronze trial plates which did have a more detailed story of the trial. 11. And I now commence the abridgment, and I do write it in Reformed Asian, like unto the regular plates, which language I did learn from my Asian companions. 12. And it came to pass that many in Jerusalem did come to see the trial of the century, and Judge Abitch did preside, and there was a guy who did serve to accuse Nephi, and another guy did serve to defend Nephi. 13. And the two sides did tell their version of events, and many guys did come forth as witnesses and did tellest their stories, and when it was over, yea, there were some people on the jury who did meet to decide Nephi's fate. 14. And the jury did deliberate for only five minutes, which time being an exceedingly short time, yea they did return and report with a unanimous guilty verdict. Therefore, Nephi was a convicted murderer, and a fugitive from justice. 15. And Judge Abitch commenced sentencing Nephi to be executed, even executed publicly. 16. And the son of Abitch was given an order to hunt down and capture Nephi, and return him to Jerusalem so as he can be sentenced and punished. 17. And it came to pass that I did ask to be deputized so as I could assist in bringing my former friend to justice. 18. And Abitch did deputize me. Wherefore, me and the son of Abitch did begin our search for Nephi. 19. And it doth sadden me that thou doth not get to read the original chapter of the trial, for the original trial chapter was much better, with exceedingly dramatic courtroom dialogue, and actual character names. But yea, this abridgement on these stone tablets covers the main point of the original story. Wherefore, verily, verily, I say unto thee, this is the basic story and all that should concern thee. 20. But fear not, for I do havest the rest of my plates. Wherefore, hopefully this shall be the only chapter that must needs be abridged on small stone tablets. |
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