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CHAPTER 10

Moriantum-Ala-Soditardswez frustrated by bureaucratic red tape. Moriantum-Ala-Soditardswez is the son of Judge Abitch. Laban now calls him the son of Abitch to preserve plate space. Judge Abitch finds a loop hole to the jurisdiction problem. [Between 600 and 592 B.C.]

1. And it came to pass that I did visit Moriantum-Ala-Soditardswez to check his progress, and to sayest unto him that I desired to conduct my own private investigation.

2. And when I did enter his office, yea, I beheld him drinking wine and other strong drink at his desk, and his hair looked as if he combed it not, and his clothes were disheveled, as if it was that he did sleep in them, and he did have much paperwork scattered across his desk, and I could see he was not in a pleasant mood.

3. And I spake unto Moriantum-Ala-Soditardswez saying: Yea, Moriantum-Ala-Soditardswez , what is it that is wrong?

4. And Moriantum-Ala-Soditardswez answered: Behold, son of Laban, thy father's case hath grown cold, and it is that my superiors put much pressure on me, for the public doth want justice, for high profile this case is. But wo be unto me, for I haveth nothing to givest them, and I do so desire to hunt down that Nephi bastard outside of Jerusalem, but yea, I cannot gettest approval to go outside my jurisdiction. Wherefore, my hands are tied by the bureaucratic red tape of my superiors, for they demand I givest them a suspect, but givest me not the tools to provide a suspect unto them. Wherefore, forgivest me son of Laban, for I fear thy father shall get no justice.

5. And after he spake these words unto me, Moriantum-Ala-Soditardswez did pickest up his paperwork and did throwest it across the room. Then he pounded on his desk with his fists, and did yell out obscenities. And after the manner in which he did finish pounding the desk, yea, it was that he did place his face in his hands, and did begin to sob. And it was obvious unto me that the detective did carry his emotions on his sleeve, and passionate about his work was he, for he doth take it very seriously.

6. And because I had compassion for Moriantum-Ala-Soditardswez's predicamanet, yea, I did place my hand on his shoulder and spake unto him saying: Behold, Moriantum-Ala-Soditardswez, do not put exceedingly much pressure on thyself, for if thou doth fail to findest Nephi, it shall be okay, for I shall spend my life seeking him out, and when it is that I findest him, I shall take justice into mine own hands, and I shall kill Nephi slowly. Wherefore, puttest not pressure on thyself, for it is that I hath witnessed the effort thou puttest forth, and I shall forgive thee if ye fail to findest Nephi.

7. And Moriantum-Ala-Soditardswez replied saying: It is not thee that doth puttest pressure upon me, for the pressure doth come from above me, for the people doth put pressure on the judge to get justice, and it is that the judge puts pressure upon me to givest him a suspect to put away so as the people may be satisfied.

8.And I replied: Worry not about the judge, or the people, for if thou findest Nephi not, it shall not be thy fault, and I shall eventually findest him, and killest him, and the people and judge shall have their justice.

9. And Moriantum-Ala-Soditardswez replied: The superior of whom I speak is not merely a judge, yea, for it is that he is Judge Abitch, and he is also my father, for we are a law and order family, and my father doth makest me to be in law enforcement as a career, and he shall be ashamed of me if it is that I shall fail in my duties.

10. And I understood why Moriantum-Ala-Soditardswez did put much pressure on himself, for Judge Abitch was a celebrity in Jerusalem, for he was known as a good judge, yea, even the best judge ever, and he despiseth violent criminals, and goes after them with a vengeance, for he doth even hate criminals more than Moriantum-Ala-Soditardswez. And Judge Abitch doth havest a record of  throwing the book at rapists, murderers, gangsters, and other violent riff-raff during his illustrious thirty-year career, and he judgeth many high profile crimes, and has gained much publicity and fanfare.

11. And now I did understand why Moriantum-Ala-Soditardswez did want to please his father. Nevertheless, I did encourage him to work outside the law, and ignore the laws of jurisdiction, and join me in my own vigilante investigation.

12. And it came to pass that because Moriantum-Ala-Soditardswez is also the son of Judge Abitch, and because Judge Abitch is known throughout the land, yea, Moriantum-Ala-Soditardswez shall be known upon these plates, from this time forward, as the son of Abitch.

13. For writing upon metal plates is exceedingly difficult, and reformed Asian is exceedingly not a compact language, for it doth take many characters of reformed Asian to equal one character of plain English, or whatever language it doth get translated into. Wherefore, writing the name Moriantum-Ala-Soditardswez is exceedingly difficult and doth waste much plate space. Wherefore, Moriantum-Ala-Soditardswez shall be known from this time forward as the son of Abitch.

14. And the son of Abitch did reply unto my remarks in verse eleven: Nay, son of Laban, for I do believest in proper justice, through the laws of the land, for this thing doth my father teach me, and if I joined thee in thy vigilante thirst for revenge, yea, it is that I would lose my badge, which thing shall anger my father, and bring shame upon our family. And it is that I shall speak unto my father to inquire of him what it is that can be done to givest me the tools necessary so as I may doest my job and bringest that Nephi bastard to justice.

15. And I thanked the son of Abitch for his efforts, and departed from his office to return to my home.

16. And it came to pass that my home was quiet and lonely because of the murder of my father at the hands of Nephi. Wherefore, I did drawest a picture of Nephi on my wall, and did throwest darts at it, which activity was soothing unto me.

17. And it came to pass that sometime later the son of Abitch spake unto his father, who was Judge Abitch, and did explain his desire to havest more tools in his detective arsenal so as he could bringest the bastard to justice.

18. And Judge Abitch did understand that the people desired justice for this case. For my father, being a wealthy and influential man, was beloved throughout Jerusalem, and his murder was a high profile case, and the people did desire to watch Nephi be publicly executed.

19. And because many desired Nephi to be executed, yea, many did already purchase tickets to the execution. Wherefore, the son of Abitch did plead with his father to cut the beaurocratic red tape that doth hold him back so as the public may be satisfied, and justice shall be done.

20. And it came to pass that Judge Abitch did understand his son's dilemma, and did desire to helpest him to do his job. And the judge did travel to the Jerusalem library, and did readest old law books, and did study things out in his mind.

21. And it came to pass that through many months of studying and thirsting after knowledge, yea, Judge Abitch did discover a loophole in the system that shalt allowest his son more power to do his job.

22. And when it was that Judge Abitch did discover the loophole, yea, he and his son did visit my home, and it was that they were excited, for they did findest a possible solution.

23. And it came to pass that Judge Abitch spakest unto me: Yea, son of Laban, it is that the laws require my son to only seek justice within the city limits, and it is obvious to all that Nephi is in the city limits no more. Wherefore, it must needs be that we findest a way to extend my son's jurisdiction to the wilderness.

24. And it was that I did plan to travel into the wilderness myself to findest Nephi and slowly torture him to death, and I did reply: Yea, it matters not if the law doth allowest thy son into the wilderness, for no laws doth exist there. Wherefore, I shall travel there myself, and shall findest Nephi and rippest off his stones, then shall I feedest his stones to him while he doth bleed to death.

25. And Judge Abitch did reply unto me, and spake about the loophole that he doth discover: Yea, son of Laban, it is that I doth discover a way to gettest proper punishment, yea, even shall my son investigate the wilderness, and return Nephi to Jerusalem so as he may be publicly executed, for a law doth exist on the books, even is it that we can havest a trial without the suspect in custody, if the evidence be strong. And if it is that Nephi is convicted, yea, then does he become a fugitive, and it is that fugitives can be pursued outside the city limits, even can a fugitive be pursued to the four corners of the Earth, for there is no place for a fugitive to hide once it is that he is convicted. And the crime that Nephi did commit against thy father was exceedingly evil, yea, even the most shockingly heinous I have yet seen, save it be for a murder in Jericho many years ago in which a gravedigger did havest his head smashed in with a rock, yea, that murder in the graveyard doth remain the most heinous, but wo, that murder doth remain unsolved. Nevertheless, thy father's murder is exceedingly high profile and heinous, and because much evidence doth prove Nephi committed the heinous crime, yea, the leaders of Jerusalem do all agreed that Nephi shall be tried for murder, thievery, and kidnapping without being present.

26. And I was grateful unto Judge Abitch for doing this thing, and agreed to testify at the trial, and it became known as the trial of the century in Jerusalem, and many did travel to witness the event.

27. And it shall come to pass that the next chapter shall be about the trial. Wherefore, I shall prepare more plates soest I may write about it, for it is an interesting part of this story, wherefore, hasta la vista.

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