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CHAPTER 6

The Three Nephites visit the Chief-Nephite Lamanite tribe, desire to teach the discussions to Chief Nephi, Onandagus, and Dances with Cureloms, promise that if they join the Nephite church, their skin will turn white. The Three Nephites learn of the secret tree-fort hand shakes, accuse Chief Nephi of stealing them from the Nephites. Tensions escalate. Chief Nephi begins going senile, shows his loin cloth to the Nephites. [About 360 A.D.]

1. And it came to pass that in the commencement of the year three-hundred and sixty A.D., yea, even a couple days after the end of the last chapter, peace continued to exist in all the land. Wherefore behold, three Nephites came upon the great wall, and they waved white flags, which thing doth mean they come in peace.

2. And Chief Nephi, being a friendly man, greeted them from atop the wall, and spake down at them: Greetings, visitors, what doth thou want?

3. And one of the Nephites spake: Behold, we come in peace and fellowship, yea, wherefore, we desire exceedingly to share a message with thee and with thy people.

4. And Onandagus advised his father against allowing the Nephites within the tribal walls, even did he wonder how Nephites did travel to the land southward, for the treaty doth say the land southward be Lamanite land. But yea, Chief Nephi, being old and senile, ignored the counsel of his son, and admitted the Three Nephites within the tribal walls, even did Nephi lower the draw bridge.

5. And it came to pass that the Three Nephites were greeted by Nephi, and by his son Onandagus. And Chief Nephi invited the Three Nephites within his teepee, and yea behold, I joined them in the teepee.

6. And Chief Nephi lit up a peace pipe, which thing he doth always do when commencing a meeting. And I did smoke from the peace pipe, as did Onandagus, but yea, when it came time for the Nephites to smoke from the peace pipe, behold, they declined.

7. And Onandagus understood not why the Nephites declined to smoke the peace pipe. Wherefore, he spake unto the Three Nephites: Behold, Nephites, why doth thou turn down the offer of peace and fellowship from my father? For my father desires peace, and he desires to converse with thee. Wherefore, thou must to smoke the peace pipe, for thou art guests.

8. And one of the Nephites spake: Behold, we mean not to offend thee. Nevertheless, we smoke not peace pipes according to the teachings of our prophets. Wherefore, we thank thee for thy offer, but we must kindly refuse. For we desire to follow the prophet, which thing doth mean we not follow worldly things like peace pipes. For peace pipes be bad for the body, even exceedingly bad, for the body is a temple. Wherefore, would ye defile a temple?

9. And Nephi spake unto them, even with an old, shaky voice: Behold, Nephites, we desire not to defile temples, nevertheless, we desire exceedingly to smoke peace pipes, and even do we desire to havest peace between the two nations, even the Nephite and Lamanite nations.

10. And one of the Nephites spake back at us: Behold, verily, verily, I say unto thee, the thing thou doth say brings gladness unto us, for we too desire peace upon the land. Wherefore, ye must repent of thy sins, and come unto Christ. And if ye do these things that I say, yea, thy skin shall no longer be dark and loathsome, even shall thy skin become white and delightsome, yea, even pure and delightsome, like unto us. And after thou doth join our church, and becometh white, yea, then shall we have peace amongst us. Would that not be good, yea, to havest white skin, and to follow the true gospel of Jesus Christ?

11. And the Nephite who spake this deal looked upon me, and beheld that I also had white Nephite skin. And after he beheld my white skin, yea, the Nephite spake unto Chief Nephi and Onandagus: Behold, doth thou desire to havest white skin like unto thy friend here?

12. And Nephi inhaled from the peace pipe, then did he exhale a smoke ring. And Nephi, being a proud Lamanite, spake back at the Nephite, saying: Behold, nay, I desire not pasty white skin, nor does my son, for we havest much pride in our glorious dark skin.

13. And it came to pass that the smiles did disappear from the faces of the Nephites, and they looked unto one another, for they knew not what to say, for they did thinketh the white skin promise to be an exceedingly good promise, yea, and they did act as if they expected not Nephi to say 'nay' to the white skin promise.

14. And I spake unto the Three Nephites, and did say: Verily behold, why did the Nephites slaughter innocent travelers at Mount Balsac, yea, why did the Nephites of old commit the Mount Balsac Massacre?

15. And one of the Nephites spake back at me: Verily, behold, ye havest not proof that Nephi, yea, the prophet of old, did order that attack. Yea, and those things are in the past, and we must to close the book on the past. For some look at our history in an attempt to discredit us. Nevertheless, it shall work not, for we are the lord's chosen people, and his work shall not be stopped, even by those persecutors who seek to diestroy us by stirring up one-thousand year old dust.

16. And Onandagus replied: Yea, that may be so, nevertheless, we desire not white skin, for white skin be ugly.

17. And the Nephite who spake before spake again: Verily behold, even if thou doth want not thy skin to be white and delightsome like unto us, yea, doth thou desire not the power of the priesthood? For if thou doth join our church, behold, thou shalt have great powers, even shall thou havest the priesthood, which thing doth give unto thee the power to heal the sick, and walk on water, and even to move mountains.

18. And Nephi replied: Yea, verily I say unto thee, we already havest those powers. For we havest the magic tree fort, which thing teaches us the secrets of magic when we do tap three times and receiveth our new name, yea, even can I levitate things. And verily behold, we also knoweth the secret handshakes, and we wear the secret magic loincloth. And also we practice witchcraft and priestcraft, and even do we have crystal balls and sorcerers. Wherefore, we havest exceedingly great powers amongst our tribe. Nevertheless, I desire to see thee perform thy powers, even to show us thy magic tricks, for I enjoy seeing magic tricks.

19. And one of the other Three Nephites spake: Behold, we desire not to reveal our priesthood powers to thee, for it is that we shall not cast our pearls before swine. Nevertheless,  if we desired to move mountains and walk on water by the power of the holy priesthood, verily behold, we could, and thou would stand all amazed at the power of god, but yea, we desire not to show these things unto thee, for thee must first have faith. Behold, Jesus never said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it. And verily, verily I desire to learn more of thy magic tree fort, and even thy magic under garments, for this doth interest me exceedingly.

20. And Nephi replied: Nay, I cannot reveal the secrets, for if I reveal the secrets of the magic tree fort, yea, I shall have my throat slit from ear to ear, and my heart ripped from my chest and fed to the birds, and even shall my stomach be cut open so my bowels can spill upon the earth. For I did make covenants within the tree fort, even did I promise to let these things happen if I reveal the secrets therein.

21. And the Nephite who spake before spake again: Yea, Chief Nephi, the words ye speak are interesting unto my ears, yea, even very interesting. Verily, verily I havest one more question for thee. Doth thy magic loin cloth look like unto my undergarments?

22. And the Nephite who asketh this question did open his robe to reveal his undergarments, and they did look not like unto our magic loin cloth, other than they did have the same magic symbols upon them.

23. And Nephi replied: Nay, thy undergarments are different from ours, excepteth for the magic symbols. For the magic symbols upon thy undergarments are the same as the magic symbols upon our magic loin cloths.

24. And it came to pass that Nephi stood and dropped his pants, yea, thus revealing his magic loin cloth unto the Three Nephites. And Onandagus did havest much surprise on his face, for his father did stand with his pants at his ankles, which thing doth mean that Nephi hath begun the process of going senile.

25. And the Three Nephites did gaze upon Nephi's loin cloth, and they had much surprise on their faces, and the surprise upon their faces turneth to anger. And one of the Three Nephites spake, saying: Behold, verily I say unto thee, the loin cloth thou doth wear doth havest sacred symbols upon it, yea, not magic symbols but sacred priesthood symbols. Wherefore, thou did stealeth our sacred temple ceremony, and thou did corrupt it. Wherefore, thou hath brought damnation upon all who did partake of thy corrupted ceremony, for the Lord shall not be mocked. And thou shalt be destroyed in heaven and on Earth, for the Lord doth strike down those who mock and defile his sacred institutions, and we are instruments in the Lord's hands, and we must do our duty and smite thee down. For it is better that three Lamanites die, than that the temple ceremony be corrupted.

26. And the things the Nephite spake were confusing unto me, and I beheld Onandagus and Nephi and they too did havest much confusion on their faces, for it did sound as if the Three Nephites desired to fight us, for they did draw their swords. And I did stand and prepare to draw my sword, but yea, Nephi did wave me down.

27. And Nephi spake to the Nephites saying: Behold, calm down, for I did stealeth no ceremonies from thee. For the ceremony we do practice in the magic tree fort hath been handed down for many generations. And the ceremony did come from the Gadianton Robbers, who did invent the practice of secret combinations, but yea, they did corrupt it, and did maketh it a murder oath. Wherefore, we did taketh the true parts of the Gadianton Robber secret ceremony, and we did restore it to its pure and true form.

28. And the Nephites did gaze upon us, and after the space of many minutes, yea, they did put away their swords.

29. And one of the Nephites spake, saying: Behold, we are concerned over the manner of the magic tree ceremonies, for it doth sadden us to see our sacred ceremonies corrupted, yea, even mocked. Wherefore, we must leave thy village, for I do feel a dark presence here. And we must return and report our findings to the brethren who doth lead us. And they shall not be happy. Wherefore, I counsel thee to remove thy magic tree fort and cease practicing thy corrupted ceremonies. And thou must to gather up all the loin cloths with the sacred symbols, and destroy them. For the peace between the Nephites and Lamanites is a fragile peace, and desecrating Nephite symbols and mocking Nephite ceremonies shall be an act of war.

30. And it came to pass that the Three Nephites departed our village, and they did journey back from whence they came. And Chief Nephi pulled up his pants. And Onandagus did say: Yea, that was exceedingly strange.

31. And thus concludes the account of the Three Nephite visit.

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