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CHAPTER 5

Zelph grows in age, stature, and wisdom. Peace exists in the land for ten years. Sex between grown men and fourteen year olds is an abomination. Zelph falls in love with a Lamanite girl named Tiger Lilly, and courts her using flowers and poems. Tiger Lilly becomes a witch through Wilma's training, sees future of the American Indian, who are the principle descendants of the Lamanites. Tiger Lilly mistakes European white settlers for Nephites. Onandagus issues extermination order against the Nephites. Chief Nephi says, "I'm not dead yet," opposes extermination order, seeks after peace. [Between 350 and 359 A.D.]

1. And it came to pass that Zelph did grow in age, and in stature, and in wisdom. And he did continue to practice his magic skills, even his sorcery skills, and he did also practice his warrior skills, and he doth make me to be a proud father, even to havest much pride in him.

2. And it came to pass that the wars and contentions in the land did end, and peace existed for the space of many years, yea, even ten years. For the leaders of the Nephites did sign a treaty with King Aaron, who did lead the Lamanite armies. And the land was divided amongst the Lamanites and the Nephites. And the land northward was given unto the Nephites, and the land southward was given unto the Lamanites, even did our tribal village exist in the land southward. And there was a sea east and a sea west, and a narrow neck of land between the two seas did connect the land northward to the land southward.

3. And though peace existed throughout the land, nevertheless, I desired to continue training Zelph, for it must needs be that he maintain his skills, and get not rusty, nor content in the peace. For the day shall surely come when wars commence again, and it must needs be that Zelph be prepared.

4. And it came to pass that during the second year of peace, yea, even the year three-hundred and fifty-one A.D., yea, a Lamanite girl named Tiger Lilly, who was a baby Lamanite only fourteen years ago, did develop into a woman. And even two years ago Tiger Lilly was but a little girl, even with no bumps upon her chest, but yea, she hath blossomed into a lovely girl, even into a beautiful young woman, for her bosoms have developed, and are perky, like unto fresh tomatoes, and her bottom doth remain firm, yea, even are her buttocks like unto two coconuts arranged in the shape of buttocks.

5. And it came to pass that when I do read the last verse, yea, I thinketh it to make me look bad, even dirty, for it is that I am a grown man, yea, even forty and nine years old am I, and it is that Tiger Lilly be only fourteen years of age.

6. Wherefore, I do bear my testimony unto those who shall readest these plates, even do I promise that I desire not to take Tiger Lilly into my teepee, and to fornicate her, and commit whoredoms unto her. For such an act between a grown man and a fourteen year old girl shall be an abomination, yea, even would it be wrong, for even the whores would oppose such a thing as a grown man debauching a young girl. For whoredoms and perversions shall exist only between adults, save it be if two youth desire to fornicate one to another, yea, that shall be okay too.

7. And it came to pass that my son, who is sixteen, doth court Tiger Lilly, for Zelph doth thinketh Tiger Lilly to be exceedingly fine-looking, even the fairest Lamanite in all the land. And he doth speak much of her, and he doth give unto her flowers, and doth read her poetry from the scrolls of the son of Abitch, even in an attempt to seduce her.

8. And it came to pass that Zelph and Tiger Lilly did become a couple, and they are like unto a tapir and chariot, even do they go together.

9. And it came to pass that in the third year of peace, yea, Zelph doth continue his training, and he doth also teach the things he did learn unto Tiger Lilly, for she desired to become a witch, and to learn witchcraft. And they desired to be partners in magic, and in sorcery, and witchcraft.

10. And in the fourth year of peace, yea, Tiger Lilly did receive her magic loin cloth in the magic tree fort, and she did learn the secret handshakes, and even was Tiger Lilly initiated into the tribe.

11. And it came to pass that in the fifth year of peace, yea, Tiger Lilly did commence her witchcraft training, even did Wilma teach unto her the things of witchcraft, for Tiger Lilly desired exceedingly to be a witch, even did she desire to be an official witch.

12. And it came to pass that eight years of peace did pass, yea, and Tiger Lilly did officially become a witch, even did she pass all the witch tests and trials that Wilma gaveth unto her, and did she receive her hat, for she was a Lamanite witch.

13. And it came to pass that in the ninth year of peace, yea, even one year before the peace between the Nephites and Lamanites shall end, behold, Tiger Lilly did gettest herself a crystal ball, and she did use the crystal ball to see the future, and to tell fortunes to all who desired to know their futures. And she did practice priestcraft, which thing means she did accept money for speaking people's fortunes unto them.

14. And it came to pass that in the final year of peace, yea, even a few months before the peace shall end, behold Tiger Lilly did gaze upon her crystal ball and did use her witch powers to see the future, even to see far into the future.

15. And during the time that Tiger Lilly gazed upon her crystal ball, yea, me and Zelph were practicing our warrior skills, even were we dueling with swords in an attempt to keep our skills from getting rusty.

16. And after the space of several minutes during which time we did sword fight, yea, Tiger Lilly came upon us, and she did interrupt our practice, and she was sobbing, even was she crying exceedingly.

17. And Zelph spake unto his girlfriend, even did he speak unto Tiger Lilly: Behold, Tiger Lilly, my love, what is wrong? Why doth thou sob exceedingly? For the sight of thou sobbing doth bringeth sadness to my heart.

18. And Tiger Lilly did wipe the tears from her eyes, and replied to Zelph: Behold, Zelph, I hath gazed upon the crystal ball for the space of many hours, and I beheld the future, and the future shall be not a goodly future.

19. And Tiger Lilly began crying again, and Zelph did attempt to calm her, and he spake, saying: Cry not my love, for explain unto me this thing thou did see that didst makest thee sad?

20. And Tiger Lilly did explain the things she saw: Behold, I beheld our future generations, and we shall haveth a good life, and peace and prosperity shall exist in all the land. But wo, for white men shall come upon our midst, and the white men do look like unto Nephites, for they havest white skin, and blonde and brown hair, and they havest steel weaponry, and they dress like unto Nephites, and they shall dwell in wood and stone structures like unto Nephites, yea, not teepees like unto us.

21. And I spake at Tiger Lilly: Behold, Tiger Lilly, the Nephites and Lamanites hath contended off and on for many generations, even for one thousand years. And I do suspect the white Nephites and dark Lamanites shall always contend, even for thousands of more years. And though it be sad, yea, we shall raise up our posterity to live in peace, here in this village. And this village shall always be protected from the contentions of the land, even shall the great wall keepest the wars and contentions out. For Nephi and Onandagus and all the Chiefs who shall come after shall always desire peace, and this tribe shall remain a peaceful and happy tribe.

22. And Tiger Lilly spake, and she replied unto me: Behold, Dances with Cureloms, ye understand not, for I have told thee not the whole story.

23. And I replied: Behold, Tiger Lilly, what is the whole story?

24. And Tiger Lilly replied: Wo be unto us, for the Nephites shall win, even according to my crystal ball.

25. And after saying this thing unto me, yea, Tiger Lilly did sob exceedingly. And I replied unto Tiger Lilly, and did try to ease her worries: Yea, Tiger Lilly, sometimes the Nephites win battles and sometimes the Lamanites win battles, but yea, the war is continuous, and shall never end. For no nation shall completely wipe out the other, not the Lamanites nor the Nephites shall ever completely win, only shall one become more dominant for the space of a few generations, then shall the other become dominant, and this cycle of violence shall continue for eternity. Nevertheless, fear not, for this tribe shall participate not in the cycle of violence, and shall be protected by the great wall.

26. And Tiger Lilly continued to argue, and she replied: Verily behold, I beheld in my crystal ball the white man, who did look like unto Nephites, drive the Lamanites from their lands, and the white man did havest advanced weaponry, even weapons more powerful than steel swords, yea, even weapons of mass destruction. And the Lamanites are no match for them, and the Lamanite people shall be nearly wiped out, for the white man shall bring plagues with them. And the Lamanites shall be placed in new lands, and guarded by the white man like animals. And the Lamanite culture shall be destroyed, and the white man shall overrun the land with their elaborate buildings, and fancy clothing, and exceedingly destructive weaponry. And no wall shall stop this onslaught, for the white man's numbers shall be too great, and their weapons too powerful, and this land shall no longer be a Lamanite land, for it shall become a white man's land, even a Nephite land. And these things I bear witness unto thee by the power of the crystal ball.

27. And after Tiger Lilly did explain these things, Zelph turned to me and spake: Behold, dad, it is that we must do something. For if Tiger Lilly's crystal ball shall be correct, yea, it doth mean that the Nephites shall taketh over this land, and shall remove us from our village, and destroy our way of life.

28. And I rubbed my chin and tought about it, then I replied: Verily I say unto thee, it is that I desire a second opinion. For Wilma is also skilled in the art of glass looking, and also Nephi and Onandagus shall makest the final decision, not I. Wherefore, we must speak these things unto them, and then shall we discuss our options.

29. And we gathered in Nephi's teepee with Nephi, and Onandagus, and Wilma. And Nephi desired to begin the meeting by smoking a peace pipe, and we did, and it was good, and it did haveth a soothing effect on us, which thing doth assist us in making good decisions.

30. And after the manner in which we did smoke the peace pipe, yea, I did explain unto them the things that Tiger Lilly did say. And Tiger Lilly unveiled her crystal ball for all to see, and we did all gaze within it, and witnessed the death and destruction that awaits our Lamanite posterity. And we beheld this land becoming a white man's land, yea, even a Nephite land filled with all manner of Nephite things, even buildings, and churches, and wide roads, and even did the white man dress in expensive clothing, and they did wear costly apparel.

31. And it came to pass that Wilma the witch spake: Behold, the things in Tiger Lilly's ball shall come to pass, for I too have seen these things in my crystal ball. Wherefore, I bear my testimony that Tiger Lilly's ball is true.

32. And when Chief Nephi did witness the things in the ball, and did hear Wilma's testimony, yea, he did still think the wall shall protect us from the wickedness of the world. For Nephi desired not contention, and he desired to live in peace behind his wall.

33. And it came to pass that Onandagus spake up, for Onandagus did thinketh defense be important, and he desired exceedingly to defend the Lamanite lifestyle, and he did believe the best defense shall be a good offense. And because Nephi is old and sickly, yea, Onandagus shall take over as leader any day now.

34. And Onandagus said: Behold, we must fight this threat, and prevent it from happening, yea, even must we rally the other Lamanites to this cause, even to a final war against the Nephites, even shall it be winner takes all, for it shall be a battle of extermination, for this land shall not be big enough for both nations. Wherefore, it must needs be we settle this conflict once and for all.

35. And it came to pass that Nephi, who was a peacemaker, disagreed exceedingly with his son. Nevertheless, Nephi did know his days were numbered, for soon he shall give up the ghost. Wherefore, Nephi pleaded exceedingly with his son Onandagus, for Onandagus shall taketh over as tribal leader after Nephi.

36. And Nephi said: Behold, Onandagus, my son, soon I shall give up the ghost, even shall I die, for old am I. Nevertheless, I'm not dead yet and I still lead this tribe. Wherefore, it behooves us to give peace a chance. For I shalt not plunge this tribe into the Nephite war so long as I live. For I shall fight no more, forever. Nevertheless, when I die, behold, I havest not control over thy actions, and ye may choose war if thou pleaseth. But wo be unto thee, for if ye hearken not unto my words, and if there be an afterlife, yea, I shall haunt thee. Behold, even shall I come to thee as a ghost and frighten thee in thy sleep, unless thou doth do as I say, and seeketh after peace and avoid contention.

37. And after Nephi finished the things he desired to say, yea, he desired to share a peace pipe with us, for he desired to end the meeting. Wherefore, we sat and smoked a peace pipe together, even in fellowship. And after the manner in which we smoked a peace pipe, yea, the meeting was adjourned.

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